you ready?

Sometimes I wonder, when youngsters talk about marriage, or rather, about getting married, do they really know what they're in for? Weddings and marriage are two very separate entities.Yes, of course talking about weddings is exciting. Weddings are beautiful, yes they are, no doubt. And when one person does it, and then another, and then another, of course this will add on to the excitement of going through the same road. 

Starting on that journey is easy. But to sustain it? 

Can you handle it if he has to go off for work for months without seeing each other? How do you handle it if a co-worker of his flirts with him? Do you go berserk? How do you maintain your composure? How patient can you go? How do you love that worst part of him without trying to change him?  

What do you do if there is change of hearts? How do you sustain the same feeling you had when you first got married to him? What do you do to sustain it? How far can you sustain it? 

Are you strong enough?

Or do you resort to divorce?

My child, life is not a bed of roses. Some things are so easy to say out, because you are only projecting the good part of it. You are only picturing the beautiful part of marriage. There are 2 sides to everything; the lovely side and the not-so-lovely side. Are the both of you ready to go through both sides together? 

You need to know what are your responsibilities. What do you answer to God if those under your care goes astray? 

I'm not against youngsters getting married early. Of course the popular reason would be to keep away from inappropriate behaviors. But please, please, learn your responsibilities. Go to classes, seek advice from the elders. Learn from your parents. Can you be half as strong as they are? 

If you are still teaching others to hate, or still not treating your parents right,  I don't think you are quite ready to get married yet, let alone become a parent on your own. 

Just my 2 cents. 

By the way, I have been greatly inspired by a lady called Fynn Jamal, a poet/singer/song-writer. I have only started following her on Instagram since probably 2 months ago and I've fallen in love with what she's made of. I'll be talking more about her in my next posts and share some of her poetry or inspirational posts on her Instagram account, fynnjamal. 

let's date!

"Go out and date," said the aunty. 

"I've given your number to this teacher at my workplace. He will message you. Who knows he is your jodoh."

Erk. 

A few weeks after the incident.

"He is shy. That's why he hasn't messaged. Here, take his number and message him. Just do it. Who knows he is your jodoh."

Erkkk.

Me? Initiating a move? So not me. Not at all. 

This has happened quite a few times (initiated by relatives and friends every time) and most of the time, when the guy has gotten hold of my number, they are afraid to make the next move. Why oh why, dear men? The only time I made the first move was during the last relationship, which, by the way, turned disastrous. But that was so last season, so let's not talk about that now, shall we? :P

I think it is time to date (again), but there is no candidate, so how now, brown cow? 

Sometimes, yes, I do miss going on dates. Having someone special to share your day-to-day stories, to manja with, to go watch movies with, to pamper and be pampered, to flirt with, to try out new makan place with, to make fun of, to take care, to be sweet and nice to, just cause. Man, there are many things I miss doing, with a partner. 

My girlfriend and I were talking about this today. Pretty much pouring out our insecurities over the reasons (why we have not met The One, so to speak) and on what should we do about it etc (in which case, we don't really know what to do). It is hard to find a decent man. If he is good, he is already taken. That is always the case, sadly. 

I know that God is perfect in His timing. We probably have not done much effort on our parts, maybe. And after a series of disappointments, I'm probably still feeling a bit insecure. That, I need to let go. Let it goooo.. Yes, I need to let it go. And find that man. That kind-hearted, gentle and loving man, who will love me for who I was and who I am. Who will continue to seek God's love through the family he is responsible for. 

Okay, I'm ready to take the plunge. Again.

Pray for me? 

what i want #3 - take time off for each other

Hellooo. How are you today? I hope you are in the pink of health!

Oh yeah, I've been meaning to say. It's October, and if you have not heard, October is also associated with the colour pink, hence, Pink October, a month of breast cancer awareness. Of course, we shouldn't limit this awareness to only this month :) Yesterday, my department has some sort of a KFC makan-makan session at the office and alhamdulillah, most of us (even the guys) came in pink as requested by yours truly *peace sign*

But that's not really the point of this entry (selalu tauu, iklan-iklan gitu)

This is entry #3 for what I want for my future :)

I went to Sy Yahya Ibrahim's talk on what does it take to be the happiest women recently, and he gave 20 points on how to. One of the points is to learn from your parents's life, the good and also the not so good.

One of the best things I learn from them is to take some time off for each other. Nearly every morning, my dad and my mum would go out to have breakfast together, just the two of them. They know each other's favourites or second favourite (in case the shop doesn't have the first one). I remember my aunt asking me one morning, " Mana mak? Dating la tu."  Ahaa.

So it's either eating out, having some date night (i.e movies etc) or just having home-made breakfast or dinner at home, just the two of us. I secretly love cooking breakfast. I think I would love it even more to be cooking breakfast for him >.<  Pandai-pandai je kan, cuba nanti dah kawin. Ada lagi kerr? Insha allah. Hohohooo..

I love mornings. I guess it's the breath of fresh air, the new hope.

Today's breakfast - scrambled eggs, diced tomatoes and frankfurters in mixed herbs. Love English breakfast as my stomach can't take heavy meals in the morning

I think having a time-off from the household every once in a while is good for you and your spouse, away from other things that can hinder you from getting to know each other, even after some 30 years of marriage. We never stop learning, betul tak? There is bound to be something new that you learn about your spouse, every single day.

These days, divorce is so common in the society that it's starting to be the trend already. I do not want that in my future. I admit that that is one of the reasons I'm scared to be committed to a marriage. Thing is, I can't shake this perception in my head that no matter how good a man is, somehow or rather, they are bound to have a change of heart, somewhere along the lifeline of a marriage. I don't want to go through the trauma of having to think that I'm second best. I mean, isn't that what your spouse is for? To protect and make you feel like you're the best thing that has ever happened to him/her? Otherwise, imagine the insecurity and the inferiority the spouse has to go through. Imagine feeling like that everyday, it's like a child who gets deprived of affection from his parents, so he resorts to rebelling. 

Oh, the horror. 

I hope what I want will be materialized in the future. I know it's not enough just hoping and praying, both of us need to make it work and of course, tawakkal. 

Taking the words of a fellow Muslim brother, Mazhir Jamil Ya-Si : 

'Change of heart often occurs when one goes through hardship. A person may want to change their ways for their own betterment. After all they feel that life has treated them bad whenever they found happiness. They feel that whenever they found happiness it gets taken away from them. But not everything you believe is happiness. A Haram relationship - by no means is this acceptable as a muslim? You haven't found happiness, you have just fallen into the trap and following the evil whispers occupying your mind. So whenever this relationship breaks, know that it was for the best and happiness lies outside of haram. Reflect the past. Mistakes will be always made but remember, the experience that you gain from them should enable you to stop. Unless you have a weak heart.'

....."Therefore, when I am your other half, I only want to be completed, not to be compared. I am indeed a woman by nature, and as your wife, all I need is just my husband.

The goal is Jannah, hence please be with me in anything that is pleasure to Allah. May Allah bless us forever, ameen."

Someday you'll find the right person, and you'll learn to have a lot more confidence in yourself. That's what I think - Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

words of wisdom

I love this.

It's so true. 

That ah-ha moment. 

Priceless.

Anyway, I'd like to share here a video on a graduation speech by a student speaker, Hamza Siddiqui, from University of the Pacific, last June. It has been quite a while since I've heard a good speech, especially one that cited verses from the Qur'an itself. 

  

Kinda gave you that warm feeling, isn't it?

My personal favourites (yes of course I have to point this out) are : 

1) I've learnt that when you're heartbroken, you should place your hand on your chest and feel it beat. It's not broken yet. 

2) I've learnt that it's easy to go from one relationship to another relationship, to another one, but it's a lot harder to give time to fall in love with yourself.

3) Work hard but be easy on yourself.

4) No matter how busy you get, stay in touch with your friends.

5) Know that there will be time when the people that you love will betray you, treat them with kindness and forgiveness.

6) When somebody angers you, they have conquered you. Don't let anybody conquer you. 

7) I've learnt that life is really fragile. And that every single one of us are going to have to leave one day. 

These are my favourites because they reflect my life journey, be it friendship, relationship etc. 

So be good, everybody. It doesn't hurt, I tell ya. 

I remember working with a colleague a year back. He's a good staff, it's just that the management doesn't really favour him because he is kind of a rebel, questioning some of the plans the management has in store (which by the way, benefits them more than most of us). When I messed up at work the other day, I keep telling myself what an idiot I am. That colleague then said, "Takpe, ni dunia je semuanye"  I was so sentap at that time that I stayed speechless for quite a while. 

Moments like that lives forever in my mind. I think it's good to hold on to things that make us stay grounded. When we think too much or let emotions get the best of us, that's when we could be doing or saying something that could be hurtful to others, sometimes without us realizing it. 

Also, choose a good environment for you to develop yourself, or your family. If you're constantly having to work/grow in a negative environment, it WILL change who you originally are. Yours truly is a firm believer of that. Which is why I left a promising post in my previous job. Nearly 2 years down the road now, and I'm glad I made that decision.  

Have a good weekend!

May Allah reward you with abundance of goodness :)

"It makes no difference how many peaks you reach if there was no pleasure in the climb.” 

Oprah Winfrey

what I want #2 - he who practices Islam

The second 'What I want' entry after 2 months. Click here for the first. 

I have been in and out of quite a few relationships and I still don't know what love is. I used to think that all that matters in a relationship is the chemistry that you have with each other. Like how you can talk to each other until the wee hours of the morning, even if you had to go to work early the next day (and still have something to talk about the next day), like how you were thinking about something and your other half suddenly talks to you about it, or how comfortable you feel just sitting beside them doing absolutely nothing, and still enjoy their company. You know that kinda thing. 

  That's probably based on the assumption or sort of a quote I read somewhere that when you choose a life partner, choose someone that you can never ran out of things to talk about, because in the end, you're gonna have to live in the same house, share the same bed, eat the same food, experience the growing old together. So, I must have been heading in the right direction, kan? 

I found that person. I was happy, and contented. 

But what if, he found the same chemistry, with another person? What is left of the relationship?

Nothing. Kaput.

Let me tell you about one of my role models since I was younger. 

You see, for years, I've observed how my uncle (in-law), Mok Y, took care of my aunt, Mok M. My aunt got married quite late, in her early thirties and they were actually match-made by their families. Probably because of age, my aunt had a hard time conceiving, so they adopted 2 girls to complete the family. It was evident that my uncle was earning way lesser than my aunt, but that was never a problem. I think what makes up for that is his character as a husband and a father. My uncle is quite a joker (and quite a charmer too, I might add), so I guess that balances the intensity between them. My aunt is loving but can be strict at times due to her nature of work as a school principal. They tease each other a lot (I think I'm beginning to have this register in my head. Future husband : must tease me a lot :P ).

So far so good, right? But the one thing that I respect this man a lot for is how he treats our family, exactly like his own. They live quite near to my grandparents, so everyday, he would drop by my grandparents's to check out on them. Every single day. During Raya, he is one of the busiest man in our household, from fixing the lampu liplap outside to helping us ladies with the cooking in the kitchen. My own uncles are not even that 'busy'. 

Now, where can I find one of those? They are of rare species nowadays. Hehe. 

I have a confession. I used to have this mindset to not get married (ever) and I have my personal reasons for that. The last few months has taught me on the beauty of having a family. Having a good Muslim husband, beautiful children and a loving family. Have always wondered how it would be like to be a wife and a mother (and all those maternal instinct you never knew you had). 

Sometimes I wonder what changed, or rather, how it all changed. I mean, the perception. Maybe the more I read, the more it makes sense. Heh, obviously I don't read much. I was out having iftar with some of my close friends the other day. They were the 'happening' bunch, always up-to-date with the latest designer brands, gadgets and such. Usually I would join the hype but I notice that I wasn't really interested this time around. Maybe I was just tired. Or broke. Hahaha. 

 So, back to my post title, what I want for my future, is a life striving for His pleasure, which I can find through a good husband who practices Islam . Funny how this never crossed my mind before. 

"If you love someone, you should protect what he/she loves (dreams, passion, family, faith and the list goes on)" - Hanis Zalikha

what i want #1 - a big and close-knit family

One of my best friends told me to first know what I want, then act and focus on what I have decided. You know, after the whole fiasco. It never crossed my mind, honestly. Because, I guess, being compassionate and all, I would put others first before myself and I kept on telling myself that they would change, someday. This turned out to be one of the red flag in my previous relationship.

So what I am gonna do now is jot down what I want for myself in the future. So whenever I think and decide what I want, I'm gonna jot them down in my blog, as and when. This will act as a reminder for me to understand myself and why I choose them in the first place. 

The first thing that I want for myself in the future is to have a big and close-knit family of myself and my future spouse. 

The other day, a friend and I were talking about our families. He is of a mixed parentage of Eurasian, Indian, Chinese,  Portuguese and yada-yada I've lost count. And because of this many mixes of cultures, he has a huge extended family and they would always gather at an aunt's house for festivities or just because, have some makan-makan session and just chill. That is super cool! Imagine hanging out in the huge living room with families of different cultures and just spend the afternoon together. So many stories to share, I tell you. Exciting, don't you think? Well, I hope my future family in law will be a cool family to call them my own :P

I shall continue on what I want in the next entry :)

2011 - a heart full of love :)

I am finally back home! Yippee! Arrived at home at approximately 7-ish pm on 31st Dec. Could not describe the feeling that I am finally in the comfort of my own small but comfy apartment. I guess it's true when they say that no matter where you go, there is definitely no place like home. 


I recall one night on the way walking alone towards Mongkok, I stopped by 7E to get something to drink. There were lots of weird drinks which I would have loved to try, but instead I took Coke. Right away, I realise that no matter how amazing the place you may be at, no matter how fascinating your life may be at any point of your life, you will need something or someone who/which you are comfortable with to keep you grounded and always remind you of who you really are. 


Which is why I am now missing my girlfriends so much. They bring the best out of you (even when you're at your worst), they cheer and cry, forgive and accept, hugs and warms you up when the world is cold. And oh boy, the world can really be cold, if you know what I mean. 


2010 was quite a bumpy ride (read my blog u'll see what I mean) but fortunately it ended up nicely. I plan to leave the past behind, which means, no more mourning, to take a fresh start to a great new year and continue to complete my resolutions which I had prepared early 2010. Have completed 2 out of 4 :P But then again, I couldn't quite say that they were completed entirely because some are never-ending processes (i.e saving up for future). If leaving 2010 was an option to decide, I would be gladly giving it away, and I was also glad I kick-started 2011 with a nice date :) (you decide if it's a noun or a verb :D ) 


So, here's to 2011 with happy children, compassionate hearts, achieving goals and dreams, more realistic decisions, happiness + health + wealth, and most importantly, a heart full of LOVE :) Cheers!

Because marriages do not fail, people fail

Earlier in the week, I read that one of the bloggers whose blog I love to read has gotten herself hitched. And I just love hearing people getting hitched. The camaderie, the beauty, the purity, I love it all. Prior to her getting hitched, she posted a little somethin' in her blog, which I have gotten to love. Here goes : -

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won’t hold them against me,
Who loves me when I’m unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me…
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship…
Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements…
Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole…
Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage…
Because of this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

by Mari Nichols-Haining ( via Juliana Ibrahim )


I personally like the line which I had coloured in pink, because they are so true. We can't say marriages fail, because they don't. It is really up to humans. And to me, as humans, something as pure as marriage is really something that you need to put your whole soul into because it signifies your promise to God that you are going to take care of each other, no matter what.

Hugs and kisses. Missing my sayang.

The preparation, journey and arrival

Leaving on a jetplane (actually testing the macro on the camera :P)

My colleague - Elle

Omelette for b/fast cum lunch onboard - should've taken the nasi lemak. 

Oh well!

Watched 'Salt' and 'Sorcerer's Apprentice'

Landing

Eaton Hotel, Nathan Road

Room view

Gedik jap :P

The many 'deliveries' for Business Partners. Yeap, that's Mamee you saw

As at 6pm, so dark

Continued later

Ocean Park + Causeway Bay + Ayam Penyet = FUN SATURDAY

Best Saturday ever! (I mean, throughout my stay in Hong Kong)
I honestly think it's the company that makes it even better.

Ina and I took off from the hotel at 9++ am and headed to Admiralty subway after dropping off my laundry. At the Admiralty we took the Ocean Park bus (tix costs $250 + bus tix costs $10.60) and reached the park in about 20 mins.

Started the day with rides (rode on all except the roller coaster, ferris wheel, raging river and train) then went to watch the seal + dolphin show. Had fillet-o-fish (as always) for lunch and then continued with the rest of the rides again. Went on the cable car and was dizzy throughout the ride.By the time we finished the trip, I was nauseous and having headache. BUT I don't mind at all 'cos it was fun. Bought a penguin plush toy and it is damn CUTE ;) Will hug everynite, haha!

Next, we went to Causeway bay which is 2 subways away from Admiralty. Hunted for the infamous 'Warung Malang' (ya, that is SERIOUSLY the name of the shop) and for a while I felt like I was in Amazing Race 'cos we literally asked everyone (the shop assistants, the police, the HKees, the Indons) and crossed quite a few streets just to get to Pennington's. Finally we got the exact place after meeting an Indonesian lady and the shop was actually just across the street we were in.

So, apalagi, I ordered Ayam Penyet and Es Cendol. Sedap giler babs. I guess 'cos originally from Indon. Heavenly! Syukran :)

Then we had a ride on the tram. Feels like I'm ticking off a list of the things-to-do-in-HK in just one day. Feels great! Actually we weren't sure where we were going, just grabbed onto a tram and rode macam orang-orang local. Hahaaa! Back and forth Sogo. After the ride, we shopped at Sogo. I got myself a purse and cardigan from Mango. Tak puas!

Back from the island, we got back our laundry and ended the day.

LOVE IT!

Get-togethers of ♥ and passion

My weekend was filled with get-togethers with friends, in short L-O-V-E ♥. My darlings, babes who have seen and been through everything, the fall and the rise, the sad and the happy.

They talk about their dreams and ambition, great ones and some are already on its way. They have sad stories too, and yet, those never keep them from visualizing the future.

Some are full of plans; like there's no tomorrow. It's like they want to grab every single thing out of life, this and that. 

It impressed me; cos it seems like nothing will stop them from their dreams and I really salute that and all of these actually made me feel way better because I guess there should be something that we should look forward to everyday to keep us going again and again, regardless of the downfall. 

These triggered me of my own dreams and goals and such which I had long forgotten, and whilst online yesterday, I browsed through a local photographer's website. Its actually a SHE and she has previously gotten a Cleo Achiever's Award due to her outstanding work of portraiture. Amazing. 

Then I remembered my passion, to find beauty in things, people, feeling, and translate them into pieces of art by words and pictures of expression. I wonder where has those gone to? It's time to continue the passion 'cos life's too short to be regretting over things that won't even matter. 

Let's start with love :)

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Blogs are dull without photos kan? Heh, so jom view (didn't take much that weekend anyhoo)

One of my bestfriends, Fad and her little Qisty :)

The ambiance at the Jazz Nite at Subang Empire

Me and my basket of heaven @ Chili's, Subang Empire (photo courtesy of Azlene)

Atilia for Jazz Nite (photo courtesy of Azlene)

p.s : Didn't get any photos during my get-together with Nas and Fid due to syiok bercerita. Will definitely have more Kodak (or Nikon/Canon/hp camera jer) moments the next time we meet up.

So he proposed :)

Just came back from V'day dinner with my beau. Wasn't exactly one of those romantic candle light dinner or anything along the line, but it was ok 'cos he's not much of an outdoor person anyway. He's more of a homey type. Oh, we just had our 5th year anniversary last September :D Yaaa, we're that long.. heeee..

So just now we talked about preparation of the next level a.k.a engagement and wedding plans. I thought of bringing him back to celebrate Raya this year with my family (he's not Muslim btw) and surprisingly,he agreed straightaway ! And in addition, he proposed that the time will be the best time for an engagement! I am soooo happy! Woooot!

It's seriously a relief because this is what I have been waiting for all the time :) That brought a lot of difference to the days ahead. Am in a lovey-dovey mood.. Happy Valentine's day folks!

Let's inpire and be inspired :)

Hey, I'm back ! And I'm no longer sick! Yayy! I admit it is a rather bad start to a new year, but I thank God that it didn't last long. Phew!

Now back to business (ahem!). I am excited for this year! I don't really know why. It's like I have so many,many plans in my head that I'm going to put together this year. I promised myself that this year is gonna be different. It's gonna be a year of actions *crosses fingers* This is what I posted on my Facebook status for New Year :

Amydzweina Almohtar 1 more day. 2010 will be all about giving back and paying it forward, to inspire and be inspired, also to live each day like your last.Of course, easier said than done but small steps does come a long way .Need to have more faith in people (and myself) too. Carpe diem!

Yeap, it's gonna be all about giving back, pay forward, inspire and be inspired and live each day like it's your last. For a start, these are some of the things I planned generally for this year:
1) Gather my siblings, nieces and nephews and pay a visit to one of the orphanage in Kuching. At the same time, collect items to be donated as well. Why this?
'Cos I'm naturally compassionate? Hehe. No-lah, but compassion is one of the main trait that a Pisces has okay? Serious :) The thing is, I grew up in an environment where I can afford to ask for luxury. I went to the best school, enrolled in the best tuition centres, took up music lessons, dined at the best hotels, had great vacations, had designer watches, bags, when kids my age at that time had average living status. And then, there were some who barely make it to school at all because of financial issues. So I had this thought, if I ever make a living one day, I will help those unfortunate families. Bring sunshine back to their life. You know, yadda yadda. So this is why.

2) Do more travelling. At least 2 trips a year, 1 in the first half of the year and the other, in the latter half. Sounds good? I guess I need some fun myself. Makes me happier :) It has been years since I did something for myself.

3) Learn some water sports. Andddd, I'm seriously thinking of jet-skiing. Hahaa.. They look cool! Seriously!! AND, I gotta learn swimming as well. I knew how to swim when I was younger. Cos my dad would bring me and my brother to the Sarawak Club every evening when we were little and taught us swimming. Oh, those were the days..

4) Save more money for my wedding :)))

These are some of the many mannnyyy things that are on my 2010 to-do list. The main theme will be to inspire and be inspired. Will add on more as they come across my thought, definitely. Ciao!

xxxo