choose happiness!

My first post for 2018, well done Amy! :P 

Okay, I vow to write more blog posts in 2018 Insyaallah. I write more in Instagram though because it is faster that way but this time, what I am about to write is kind of a bit on a personal level, so here we go.

These past few months have been mentally-changing for me. It has been a period where I have been tested on my faith so much so that I needed to do a lot of thinking and self-reflection. Man, I overthink a LOT and honestly, I think I am having anxiety (!). But I really need to thank the Almighty for giving me this ample time to sort things out, to be with my family for the longest time since I left the house to further my studies, and at the same time, still keep myself sane at the end of the day despite being broken inside. Perhaps this is a reminder from Him that I have strayed away too far from Him and a calling to fix my relationship with Him. 

I have not read my Quran consistently in months and I can't remember when I last did my sunat prayers. To go through the struggle was a blessings in disguise.

A couple of days ago, I couldn't do my prayers because I was on my menses so I was a little disheartened because it feels like I couldn't connect to Him to tell Him of my sorrows. See how I underestimated His mercy? It was raining in the evening that day and I remember that one of the best time to make doa, that is more likely to be accepted by Allah, is when it is raining. I leaned back against my bed and prayed that Allah give me guidance on my doubts.

The next morning, I was checking my mail and I received the weekly love letter from Aida Azlin. This week's subject is 'To The Girl Who Hates Me.' 

You can subscribe to the love letters too, here. A part of the letter goes like this :

Like what Aida said, sometimes we tend to take the easier route. For me, it was easier to believe something which was not true and then build all sorts of negative thoughts in my mind, rather than have a good excuse for it and take a positive point of view of the situation. After reading the mail, I instantly remembered what Ustazah Liyana from Singapore said in one of her talks, "Promise yourself that you'll try your best and you'll work hard. Promise yourself that no matter how hard it is, you will always do the right thing." 

Masyallah, Jannah isn't easy. 

Mister have been reminding me again and again that we have to be strong if we want syurga and that it is not easy in the Hereafter. Why do you have to be so far away sayang :'(

This morning I saw this in Ustazah Liyana's Instagram.

Perfect advice kan? To tell you the truth, I just learned this concept when I was dealing with the whole ordeal. That happiness, really is our choice. When we are inflicted with hardship, our automatic reaction will be anger, frustration and blame game, right? All this negative energy is not helping us with anything really. In fact, it makes the situation worse. But we can make the situation better by doing something positive out of it. If it is something that we can change, well, change it. If it is something that we can't change, perhaps we can change something in ourselves that makes the situation a little less painful. We can choose happiness, if we want to, and to always pray for Allah to guide us and always have good thoughts about Him.

This is also something that caught by eye this morning, by a psychology lecturer.

That practically sums up the answer that I was waiting for. 

About dead hearts and how easily people give up on them. You see, I'm one who doesn't give up on people easily. I always make it a point that however bad someone is, there is surely a streak of goodness left in them. And that kindness NEVER goes out of style. How can I forget these things? Alhamdulillah for these reminders I so, soooo needed. 

I'll try my best not to take the easy way out. 

I'll try to always do the right thing, no matter how hard.

I'll try to be the best version of me and give my best effort

And put the rest in Allah's hands

Let me learn my lesson this time.

I

your heart is stronger than you give it credit for

Hello guys! How are you? 

Gosh, it has been more than a year since I last wrote anything here. I miss writing but life just took hold of me a year ago and I found myself pretty much occupied with work most of the time. The days and nights are crazy, weekends too, basically just devoting my life to work. So nowadays I would just upload stuff on my Instagram, which is more convenient :) I miss writing on this blog, I seriously do! Now I've quit that company (yup!) and just landed myself on a new job, doing what I used to do some few years ago but for a slightly demanding client and a more demanding environment. What the cat was I thinking when I took the offer?!? They say be careful of what you wish for kannnn?

Nah, amek kau.

So these days, I'm feeling quite stressed out to the point that I thought of just leaving the corporate world and go migrate to Perth and do something more relaxing, like work in a bookstore, sell something in the morning market or something along the line. I'm not getting any younger so I feel like I should be looking after my health more and feed my soul more with good things. So, while we are at it, if you are someone who lives in Perth and looking for someone to look after your bookstore yada yada, please hire me! :P (not kidding)

On my way to work every morning, I would be caught up in the deadly PJ traffic, so I would have some time to check out my Facebook in the car. One morning, I stumbled upon a video by Aida Azlin talking about heartbreaks. No, I'm not heartbroken or anything like that but the points that she was talking about in the video was so good. Ok, I'll share some bits and pieces of them here:

1. There's no shortcuts to healing but we can all try to cope with the pain. 

Some of us just numb and suppress this feeling, some of us cry to sleep, some of us throw ourselves to our work to keep ourselves busy, whatever coping mechanism that we choose, know that it will only take your mind off your real feeling just for a while. It doesn't deal with the feeling that you have. The only way to deal with the pain is to write it out, and give it time. 

2. Please help yourself to heal.

Your heart is stronger than you give it credit for. While you are still hurting, your heart is already preparing itself to heal, to forgive, to move on. But if we are still picking on our scabs, i.e keep on revisiting old memories, or when we insist to hold on to things or people who are already left, we are being our own obstacle to our own healing. 

3. Use that energy to be creative.

All this feeling that you have right now because of the heartbreak is a form of energy. Use that energy, in a productive way. Don't use it to scheme for revenge etc. Use the energy to be creative. Write it out, paint it out, go run a marathon, climb a mountain. Just use that intense energy to benefit you. Use it to grow into a much wiser, stronger, better you. Like a version 2.0. Look at what Adele did. She made a whole album about her heartbreak and it won her 6 Grammys and made her lots of money. 

Such wonderful advice, right? Since then, I have been utilizing the hours in the morning traffic listening to her videos and that helped me to be more motivated and inspired to start work. Come to think of it, I think this is the answer that I was asking Allah for when I just couldn't take the work stress any longer some time back. And amazingly, most of the times kan, I would ask Him specific question like, is it really my fault or am I being too sensitive? The next thing I know, I get the answers through Aida's video, talking about the exact same thing :)

You are truly all-Hearing, all-Seeing and the Most Compassionate

So guys, if you love these stuff, head over to Facebook or Youtube and search for Aida Azlin. She does amazing videos and she writes about her reflection on life through weekly love letters.

Til then, see you when I see you. Take care and please pray that Allah will make it easy for me in my work and everything else in between. I hope to write more soon, insyallah :)

don't settle

Push yourself. Don't settle. Just live.

I just finished watching the movie 'Me Before You' on streaming. When the movie first came out at the cinemas, I thought that it was just another one of those sappy, soon-you-will-forget-about-it kinda romantic movie. Weeks after that, reviews came about and a few people asked me if I had watched it. Curiosity grew on me and by the time I wanted to watch it at the movies, they were no longer showing it.

The movie tells of a young girl, Lou, who is given a job to take care of a disabled man, Will. Now, Lou is a cheerful, witty and charming girl who is so full of life and so full of potential. Will, on the other hand, is sarcastic, sad and hopeless, all due to the accident that he got into that made him paralyzed from the chest down. Prior to the accident, Will engages actively in sports, water sports, cycling and everything under the sun, which explained how he became how he is now. With Lou's positivity and funny outlook on life, she successfully made Will her best friend, brought him out to see the sun, to the beaches, and then, they developed feelings for each other. I won't reveal the ending if you haven't seen it, because you absolute have to watch it!

I love Lou's character.. She is sooo funny and sooo positive. She stands on her ground, even if she was facing her own employer.. She doesn't give a damn and she is just original.. People like these inspire me greatly :)

Please watch it okay?

long night drives

There is something about long night drives that take the stress away. And it has been like that for me for years. I remember years ago when I was in staying in Seri Kembangan, nearly every Sunday night, I would go out of my house just to cruise around SK area, sometimes to get myself a cone of McD's ice-cream, sometimes just to drive around. But the feeling is such a serene feeling, made my sleeps better. Then I moved to Damansara, which is a pretty congested area even on weekdays. So I couldn't really continue my love for night drives because the traffic jams would make me even more stress! 

Sometime last year I moved to somewhere as peaceful as how Seri Kembangan was and I regained access to long drives again, woohoo! I actually just got back from grocery-shopping at Tesco to just get some fresh milk, juices and some woman-ly stuff :P And also to drive after a whole day at home. And uh, to get some McD's ice-cream and apple pie which I have been craving for months. Oh, by the way, next to where I stay, there is this big lake that is beside the main road, so am really, really loving this place.

After graduating my weekend classes (alhamdulillah!), now I have more ample time for myself to do what I like during the weekends, and for a few weeks now after the graduation, I kept thinking on what to do on weekends! Feels so weird :P 

I thought of taking up more physical kinda classes, like Aikido, for example. I used to take Tae-kwon-do lessons when I was in high school and I love it. I love the teamwork, the teachers, my team, the classes, everything. Sometimes we get invited to perform for some of the state's sports event like the launching of Rakan Muda (yeah, remember that?), and I love the ambiance of it all, the sweats, the rehearsals, the pride of wearing the Tae-kwon-do attire while carrying the national flags. Gosh, I miss those times and I miss having such a passion for something that I love, I miss being around those who have the same level of passion that I do, if not more. 

I have a few classes I really want to join this year to challenge my fitness level a little bit. Hehe.
How about you? Anything you haven't done that you really, really wanna do this year? 

peugeot in Jannah please!

After class yesterday, my classmates and I were chatting while walking towards our cars. I've never seen what they drive, so yesterday I did. One was driving a Toyota Camry, one was driving Honda City, and another was.. a brand new Peugeot 508! My dream car! 

I on the other hand, am only driving a Proton :')

Feeling a bit of inferiority complex (that's what they call it,right? ahaa). It's like that peer pressure thing we had in high school, the only difference now is the 'toys' are getting more expensive. 

Couldn't help feeling a bit of envy seeing their sleek cars drove away. So much class and elegance, I thought. If only I could have one myself. I mean, at this age, I should have one, I thought again. I can have one but long ago, I chose not to spend my money on cars and decide to spend it on house instead. So what I have now is actually a product of my own choice.  But, I don't even have a house now :') 

Some time ago, I also decided to change my lifestyle. So there's a lot of things I used to do and have that I don't do and have now. 

But that's not the point.

I was still driving and thinking about the cars when an interview on the radio caught my attention. It was on IkimFM and as usual, I can't remember the ustaz's name. But the thing he said that I remember clearly and then had it on repeat on my mind was, 

'Bagilah aku tetap mensyukuri nikmatMu'

Masyallah, dear God, You're talking to me right there, kan? Clearly I am not thankful enough and as usual, You were always there to remind me :')

So now I'm back on track (on track sangat) and all those remeh-temeh things I have thrown out of the window. This path is just so full temptations and at times demand my highest level of patience and syukur. Be patient, Weina, please. Sekejap je dunia ni ok. Please persevere. For all you don't get in this life, insyaallah, Allah s.w.t will reward you with far more better things that you can't possibly imagine. Hang in there, Weina. 

Better still, redeem your Peugeot in Jannah ok, Weina? 

change ourselves

Squeezing this in before my lazy mood takes over, again. 

So, I had brunch over the weekend with my girlfriends whom I see something like once a year, at The Red Bean Bag, Publika. We had gossip session over our egg benedicts, baked eggs, something called 'Sumo' which is a pan-fried salmon steak (yummy!) and a dessert called 'Skycrapers', basically a stack of fluffy pancakes topped with chocolate sauce and maple syrup, served with caramelized slices of bananas, blueberries and strawberries. Didn't take any photo as I didn't feel like it. I don't really take photos these days, I don't know why. Anyways, we moved to taking a stroll along the bazaar in Publika. A bazaar of mostly headscarves, kaftans, blouses, praying attires, quirky fruit juices (read : Apple Medley. Not too bad if you like lemongrass - or was it celery - in your drinks). Then, I stopped at a booth selling beautiful scarves. I stopped because the lady manning the booth was so familiar to me. So while she was explaining about the scarves that she sells, I interrupted her nicely and told her that she looked familiar. 

"You look familiar. I think I know you through some activities by Project Amal." I explained, and her eyes lit up. 

"Oh, was it the gelandangan (homeless) project?" 

"No, it was way back. The one with the kids from the orphanages, where we brought them to go buy books at the Big Bad Wolf book sale?" 

"Oh yeah. Yeah, that one." She smiled weakly and continued while touching the tudung she was wearing, "I haven't started wearing tudung at that time." And then, she took a step back, arranging the scarves on the table.

Man, Right there and then, I felt so bad bringing up the whole thing. I know how it feels when people talk about the time when I wasn't wearing my tudung yet. The J-days (Jahiliyah days, as my naqibah calls it :P). I still go through this and whenever people talk about those days, my heart sank. Just last week, my colleague emailed me a screenshot of my business profile photo that the company has put on our company website 3 years ago. Let's just say, I wasn't proud of the photo. I know how she felt, but I didn't mean to make her feel that way. And I didn't even say sorry :( I didn't know how to. It was so awkward. I felt sad. 

She was very different this time around. She was more humble, as opposed to 2 years ago. My impression of her then, was a snobby rich kid (dear God, please forgive me). Look how she turned out, alhamdulillah. May Allah protect her. He guides whom He wills kan? 

Allah teaches us in wonderful ways, like this one. So, when people judge others unfairly, it makes me sad because I know, those being judged CAN be better than those so-called 'judges', with God's will. Muslims calling non-Muslims as kafir. You know what, through experience yang tak seberapa ni, I can tell you that actually, some non-Muslims are MORE Muslims than the Muslim themselves and some Muslims are MORE kafir than the kafir themselves, if you get what I mean. After all, the ultimate purpose of us being created diversely is for us to get to know each other well, NOT to condemn/put down those who are not of the same skin-colour, beliefs, status etc. 

There's this saying by Marie Curie, 

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

With the crisis that are happening in the world (or in our very own country) right now, I suggest for us to do more reading and research, not just taking things at face value. Understand what is going on, why do things happen that way, instead of listening to the rumors (of those who refuse to understand). 

Please, and thank you.

mis(ter) chief

I received this message this morning. One of my nephew has finally had his dream came true. He is now a police inspector!

It made me so proud because it is his dream since he was a little boy, since I babysat him, and he is ALWAYS talking about being a police inspector. Now he's all grown up, married and finally got his dream job, alhamdulillah. I teared a little when I came to know about this because I know how hard it was at first for him and for his family to settle everything that has been going on in their lives. 

With every hardship, there is ease. (94:5-6)

And Allah is the Most Generous and the Most Loving.

if love becomes an instinct

This morning I watched a really beautiful video about a grandpa having Alzheimer who went missing, only to be found by 2 police officers, picking up flowers by the roadside. Turned out he was picking up flowers for his wife, whom he occasionally forgets. He has forgotten how they met, who proposed and most of everything that they had shared before. But as the beaming wife, Doris, said, the heart remembers what the brain forgets.  

The video ended with the commentator narrating a line, which struck me as pure genius!

Imagine what's possible when love becomes an instinct. 

Really, imagine that. Imagine what's possible when love becomes an instinct. An instinct! That's something that you'll do naturally, no judgement, no agendas whatever ish you call them nowadays. 

Imagine how many lives can be saved, how many kids get to have proper food, proper homes, for the chance to finally receive education. To have many parts of the world have a good leader who will fight and defend for the rights of their countrymen. To demolish wars and weapons. Oh my, imagine that.

It's something like what parents would have for their children, or a good husband for his wife. An instinct. They want only the best. The best development preparation, the best education, the best shelter, the best protection they can give, the best environment to live in.

Now what's missing in this lovely picture is the extension of such love, towards other human beings who do not have anything even remotely connected to us.

"What does it mean to love people we don't know, to see the value in every single person's life?"
John Legend's speech during the University of Pennsylvania's commencement ceremonies

These days, I would wake up to news of child abuse, child killings, child trafficking, child rape. And the worst thing is, in all of these reportings, there ARE witnesses around, most, too afraid to intervene. Now imagine if love becomes an instinct, you'd not even think twice, you'd not even THINK. You'd just go out and do it. Because it comes naturally to you.

What are we doing to stop all these nonsense? Are we on the path to put a stop to all these? Are we instilling the right values in our children? Or, like most, we choose not to care as long as it doesn't happen to us?

Well, shame on you.

Sometimes it tickles me that some people will go all out to defend their religion. You know, haram this, haram that, halal this and that. But they forget to defend the people whose rights are being abused. Like the orphans, like the elderly, the unfortunate families living on the streets. It is OUR responsibilities, our amanah. Just because we don't know them, that doesn't mean we can wash our hands off of our responsibilities.

The truth doesn't need to be defended, it will stand on its own.
But not these people.

There's a saying on the cover of a book written by an Indonesian writer. It says,
"Rumahlah surga sebelum surga"

Literally it means, home is heaven before heaven itself. Basically, what the writer is trying to say is, everything starts at home. What happens today is a result of the environment at home. Place children in good environment, like stem cells.

Ponder please, yes.

ilmfest 2014 - see you there

Up until a year ago, I had absolutely no interest in going for any kind of religious talks, classes, let alone conferences. Those are just for, you know, old people, or those from sekolah agama, whatnots. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that they are like something you do as an extra activity outside of your daily life. There are millions more other things that I could do aside from attending those kind of events. Besides, there was no one inviting me or exposing me to them. 

I went to my first majlis ilmu or ilm talk in June last year, for Being Me (Muslimah Empowered) 2013 in PICC, Putrajaya. I blogged about it here. It was upon a suggestion by one of my bestfriends, Azlene, may Allah bless her, who had also volunteered for the event as one of the facilitators. I don't know what moved me to go, but thank God I did. It was a sisters-only conference, and I guess that made me feel a little bit confident of going. I remember sitting in the main hall and lecture halls alone because my friend was on duty, and I remember jotting down so many notes, some I couldn't even finish because it was like every single thing that the speakers were talking about was so precious. I stayed on until the very last program and left the event feeling somewhat refreshed and wanting for more. 

From then onwards, I tried grabbing every opportunity attending ilm talks that I could, even those held on weekdays, after office hours. The hikmah of switching teams from a UK team working from 3 pm to 12 am to a normal 9 am to 6 pm office hours team, which I didn't see coming, masyaallah. I wanted so much to learn more. Funny thing is, the more I learn, the more I realize that I have been missing out quite a lot :') 

They say, when you have good intentions, Allah will ease your paths for you. I find this very true because all of the times that I wanted to go for these talks, He has made the journeys so easy and pleasant for me, alhamdulillah. You know how the traffic is like after 6 pm especially in Petaling Jaya. I'd leave office at 6+ and the talks sometimes start at 7.30 on the other side of the town, and of course, I'd foresee getting stuck in traffic and missing the talks. But amazingly, He made it easy and there was no traffic congestion on the days that I had ilm talks to attend. How great is He! One time, the ticket to one of the conferences was sold out, but I managed to get one on the day itself, from one of the sisters whose friend wasn't able to attend. Subhanallah, He is so loving, I tell you. Sometimes I think that I do not deserve all that He has given me, but He keeps on giving me chances after chances. I wish I can see Him in the Hereafter, which is the greatest blessings for anyone who enters the best of heaven. 

I don't have a lot of followers on my blog (and I want to keep it that way, for now) but I'd like to invite you to attend one multi-scholar ilm conference this coming Saturday and Sunday, 17th - 18th May in PICC, Putrajaya. It's called 'Ilmfest 2014' and this will be its debut conference in Malaysia organised by alMaghrib Institute and iMuslim Academy, with a few other sponsors. This year's theme is about our Prophet Muhammad's journey, as a mercy to mankind. Now I'm sure you've heard of the Prophet, but do you know how he lived his life? His companions? His wives? His years of happiness and sadness? Why was he chosen as the last Prophet? The tickets are currently priced at RM250 each and RM300 for walk-ins. However, if you're a non-Muslim or a newly-reverted Muslim of less than 6 months, the tickets are FREE for you, thanks to our kind sponsors. 

If I were asked a year ago to share my opinion on the Prophet, I'd just say that he is just another leader in the Islamic history. Just another leader, pffft. That was how shallow I was. To love a person, you gotta know him. This is your chance. Please come to this conference and enlighten yourselves on why he is the mercy the mankind. Kind of big, isn't it? To the entire mankind. 

Do come. Please come. 

For more information, feel free to access www.ilmfest.my

See you there :)

still the same me :)

If I could, I would jot down the journey I've taken since May last year, the people I meet, the things I read and found delight in, the lessons, the magical moment, the feeling, the serenity, the stir. Gosh, everything feels so magical and I wish they would stay with me, forever. I love writing these stuffs, but sometimes I can't really translate them into words, so at last, the ideas ended up just in my head, or in most cases, saved as drafts, until I don't know when :P So anything that I write, actually is from my personal experience and opinion, and doesn't necessary represent a label, a group etc. 

So, today, one of my girlfriends, again, imposed a few questions regarding my change.

"Why have you suddenly become so 'kuai', macam orang baik-baik, ni?"

"Are you liking what you are now?" Okay, whatever that means :P

"Are you happy?"

Yes, I am happy :) It doesn't show eh? haha.. 

She continued. 

"So you've changed because of that one incident. Those are not mistakes, those are lessons. I mean, if that fulfills you and you think that is what you are searching for, then it's okay."

I thought for a while and replied.

"Actually, I wasn't searching for it (faith). I just found it (without searching)."

Well, I hope that made sense. 

Yeah, I just found it without really searching for it. I was actually just looking for the answers to these 2 questions. Number 1, why did that happen to me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Number 2, what does getting married for the sake of Allah really mean? Which then led to the question of, if 2 people want to get married, it is between them both, where is Allah in this equation?

Boy, that question sounded pretty stupid now.

I'll probably write about those 2 questions in another entry because now I just want to highlight this conversation with my girlfriend that I had today in the office's pantry.

"You're just less adventurous nowadays. Look at Miss X. Girl, you used to be 'more fun'."

"I have changed, I know. In our life, at some point, we will come to that. We would just think that, yes, this is what I am searching for. But I have not abandoned you or our friendship, have I? I still go out with you guys. I'm still the same person. Still the same Amy. It's just that, like you said, nowadays, I go to these talks, classes but that doesn't change who I am with you guys." 

 You know, if I were to rewind my life, I never would have thought I'd have this conversation with my girlfriends. ANY one of them. 

Which is why when I meet these new people, or sometimes not so new people but they happen to be there with the same intention as you are, and to share that feeling. THAT feeling. Man, it is just out of this world. 

Allah loves us so much that for every hardship that you have to endure, He is actually saving you from something bad in the future that only He can see. And He is so great at forgiving, so forgiving, even when you think that you do not deserve His forgiveness. That's how much He loves us. 

Let's strive for His pleasure in the things we do. Big ones, like careers and marriage. 

Or small ones, like giving charity and treating people the right way. 

human potential

Right now I'm supposed to be doing a research for a project BUT I miss blogging, I really do! Been quite occupied lately, which is good because 2014 is gonna be an awesome one, you bet. 

Some weeks ago I had 2 restless days thinking about an issue which I didn't know how to handle. I worried, threw tantrums (sorang2 in the room la), and heh, you know what? I fell sick and took MC the next day. Crazy right? I think prior to that I was already catching the flu and fever bug, plus I didn't really have proper sleep or rest. 

And then I asked Him.

I got my answer the next day while listening to Ikim.fm radio channel, talking about human potential. I forgot who was the invited guest at that time but what he said answered exactly what I was so restless about. Well, it goes along the line of something like this. 

Manusia telah diciptakan sebaik-baik kejadian, so do not measure your capability against another human. Everyone's got potential, which you might already have known, or will know later in life. 

There, crystal clear. 

Talking about human potential, I gotta salute those who have/are using their God-given skills to give back to the community. I've got a friend who's doing graphic designing. He is currently attached to an Islamic educational institution, designing posters for the institution's da'awah missions. Also, this used-to-be really popular local R&B sensation who are now going around the nation on their maulid quests. Never mind what take people has on maulids. I used to be their groupie back then tau. Subhanallah for this transformation :) Recently, one of my nephews showed me an application called myMasjid (or something like that) which he and his friends built. Besides the usual calling of the prayer (adzan) function, the application can also locate the nearest mosque for you, has a built-in compass and another function I can't recall. I mean, how great is that, masyaallah!

I came accross a phrase from the Quran  (28:77)  yesterday which fits the above situations perfectly. 

But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter; and [yet], do not forget your share of the world. And do good as Allah has done good to you. And desire not corruption in the land. Indeed, Allah does not like corrupters.

or its Malay translation,

Dan carilah dengan apa yang Allah dianugerahkan kepadamu itu negeri akhirat, dan janganlah kamu melupakan bahagianmu daripada duniawi, dan berbuat baiklah sebagaimana Allah telah berbuat baik kepadamu, dan janganlah kamu berbuat kerosakan di bumi. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyukai orang yang berbuat kerosakan.

How apt kan? So, please give back to the community if you have the chance. You could change the life of others, or subconsciously, your own :) 

happy news

Ikan di laut, asam di darat.

Dalam kuali bertemu jua.

Ever heard of that idiom?

Just now a colleague relayed a story of a friend who just tied the knot last week. I dengar their love story hati pun terus berbunga-bunga. Haha.. 

Last November, Linda, went to Armsterdam on one of her travel quest. Linda is one of those carefree I-just-wanna-spend-my-life-travelling-not-getting-married-yet kinda girl. When she got back, her friends tried to play cupid, match-making her with a Malay guy who, by their standards, is pretty decent, duaniawi and akhirat. Linda wasn't interested at first because firstly she was dating a mat salleh at that time. After much persuasion, she finally gave in, after doing istikarah etc. They dated a while, got engaged, just had their akad nikah last week and gonna do their reception this weekend.

I mean, this is Linda, who couldn't care less about having a wedding, let alone starting a family! And it all happened within a period of 3 months, masyaAllah. Kalau dah jodoh, they say ;)

I love their story because I think I can relate to Linda being carefree and not wanting to settle down that fast, and look at where she is now. Allah has given her someone who can guide her to Jannah. Betul lah, perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik :)

Couldn't help thinking am I baik enough already? How baik should I be? Or, have I ended up like this (still single) because of what I have done in the past? If so, what about those who are worse than I am? 

I know I shouldn't be thinking that at all. I am no angel, and definitely not better than another hamba Allah. I shouldn't judge as the rightful judge is Him, only Him. Hati lain-lain kan, only He knows what is in our hearts. 

In addition to this good news, I just found out that one of my ex is getting married in July. This is the ex from a couple of years ago, not the recent one. LOL. The only ex I've managed to stay friends with :) I am happy for him. I know he will make a great husband, and an even better father :) Looks like things are falling into place, alhamdulillah :') After all, He is the best of planners.

2014 so far has been good, and it's only January :) I know I'm a changed person now, and while some may not like how I am now, this is the path I choose to be.

I recently stumbled upon a word, husnuzon. It means having good thoughts of people and of His plans. 

InsyaAllah.

Good night, have a pleasant sleep :)

walk a mile.... in my shoes

You know, throughout this trying time of ours, one of the good thing that came out of it of which I am so proud of is how hard my brothers work and how unselfish they are in sharing and giving up their income to help the family. 

From young, we were blessed with abundance of rezeki that most of the time, we don't have to share anything because we could afford to have one each etc. Now that the tables have turned, I could see that at first it was very hard for us to get adjusted to this new 'lifestyle'. We had to ration our food, like, everyone can only get 1 piece of whatever food was on the table, eat canned sardines, KFC is considered a luxury etc. 

Now, my brothers are the biggest contributors to the family. The first one is always willing to help with the finance whenever the family needs it, the second one working full-time and sometimes part time too (he does banci at times. What is banci in English again? Big bucks too, ok) and is always trying to find out ways to generate income. This brother who used to be that one selfish sibling who wouldn't share anything with anyone. I'm so proud of you :') And the last brother, the youngest one, is still studying. When he gets his PTPTN loan, he gave most of it to my father to help finance the household. I'm so, so proud of you guys. 

So when someone, especially family members from the extended side, come to my mother asking why are we insufficient on cash when each of us are working, it breaks me. Because they don't and will never understand the plight that we are in, that each of us are in. I'm no fan of Rita Rudaini, the Malaysian actress who is fighting for nafkah for her kids since her divorce with the nation's footballer, but I agree completely when she said that "Hanya orang yang mempunyai anak saja yang tahu dan faham tentang perbelanjaan anak-anak." Or in other words, you gotta step into one's shoe to fully understand what they're going through and why they're doing what they do. 

I'm so proud of you, my brothers. We've gone a long, longgg way. I believe this is a test to prepare us for something bigger :) Nothing is ever a concidence, kan? 

I love you guys a whole lot. 

3 guys and 1 hot lady

Good-looking fellas at the recent maulid in DBP, Kuching

Lastly, 

change

There are 3 things you must do in order to make that change, according to Ustaz Haslin : 

1) start with small things 

This concidentally echoes Shaykh Yahya Ibrahim's point on the best (deed) are usually the simplest

2) start with yourself

Shaykh Sulaiman Moola says, 

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. 

Today I am wise, I'm changing myself."

3) start today

"Make time for ilm. Insha Allah it will change you. Ilmu ni perlu didatangi, perlu dicari. Ulama' dulu travel so far for knowledge"

Sister Wardina

growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

As you grow older, you'll realize that life is NOT about you. 

:)

yes, to adventures (and men)

Recently I had a chat with one of my girlfriends. I asked her, what difference does she see in me in all these months. She said, "You talk more about religious stuff now, you've become quieter and more laid-back. You're no longer this exciting Amy who straightaway says yes to adventures, you know. It's like you're this wall that is hard to break through."

-.-"

Okay, I know that last part is concluded from me being indecisive on proceeding with my Bali trip. And she was adamant for me to go. She wanted me to go so much because she said I deserve the trip after all that has happened. I know I deserve it too, but honestly at this stage, I didn't feel like I needed that trip anymore. And I was actually OK to go or otherwise. I didn't mind not going, but I just had to assess the pros and cons. 

My point here is not the trip, nor it is about me being indecisive. 

My point is that I'm no longer this exciting person who says yes to adventures. It hit me hard. I guess there's a little bit of truth to that. Thing is, for so many months, all I wanted and prayed for is to have strength to go through the trials and ultimately, to have a peaceful mind and heart. And alhamdulillah (praise to Allah), that has been granted, albeit not an easy journey. I've reconnected with friends and families that I didn't always get to hang out with and to me that's actually a learning experience because otherwise, I wouldn't have known what I wanted in my future family, hadn't I spend that much time with them. Everything, all these months, has been a learning experience. Every single thing. An eye-opener this heartbreak has been.

Man, I can go on and on about the things I learnt, but of course, those are not the point of this entry, so I shall save them for future posts. 

Going for crazy adventures, like how I was used to, is probably the last thing on my mind, right now. However, it still struck me hard that I'm receiving this perception from my own girl. I don't want to lose that part of me, of course. I'm a go getter (working hard on that at work though, haha) and I love adventures, especially impromptu ones. That line has reminded me that in order to attain my goals, I shall not lose myself in the process. No no, not me. How could I forget that? Hmmm. 

I assess myself a bit after that, and I have came to a conclusion that yes, I have, too, been building walls around myself, especially with people who I'm not close with (i.e colleagues) and men. I have trust issues, definitely. I'm scared. I'm scared that the more compassion I show, the easier it is to get hurt. Oh my, my first confession on my fear. That is probably the reason I've been holding off meeting new people, and friend-zoning advances. Yes, apparently friend-zone is a valid English word. 

Starting over, that's scary. 

Especially when you don't really know what to do. I'm just thankful I started off  with finding and rekindling with my faith. The next steps, I guess I'll just let things flow. Adventures and men, you're still a little scary but you're something that I need to open up to again slowly. Haih.

A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek Him in order to find her

Maya Angelou

pledge for organ donation today!

Organ donation. 

So many debates revolving around them but one thing for sure is our ultimate intention in donating our organs.

"One who saved a life would be as if he has saved the lives of all mankind."

(Qur'an 5:32)

Based on the statistics up to August this year, that's only last month, there are only about 0.8% out of the entire population of the nation who have actually pledged their organs. You see, that's not even 1%, how sad is that? I'm not sure what's the cause, I guess this will need to undergo a survey, but I would think that this would have to do with the people's traditional beliefs of wanting to preserve the body as it is when it goes into the grave. That's just my guess. I mean, when I pledged for my organ donation in 2009, it took me 2 years to finally tell my parents about it. You see, I understand that not everybody is comfortable giving away a part of themselves to others that easily. Especially if it involves part of their family members. My mom was surprised but that's it. 

So please pledge your organs for donation in the name of saving mankind. You can pledge at any age, in fact the youngest person to pledge was 25 days old, however if you're still below 18, you would need your parents's consent. 

Do visit their website for more information (seriously a lot of details here) at http://www.dermaorgan.gov.my/ and follow them via Instagram/Twitter/G+/tumblr/Youtube/Facebook/pinterest/issuee 

under @dermaorgan 

They just launched their website and video last week and are having a walkathon on 5th October 2013 in view of Organ Donation Awareness Week, at Monumen Alaf Baru, Precint 2, Putrajaya. 

This is one cause I've been wanting to do since I was a teenager and I finally got that chance to pledge as a donor when I was working in my previous company. 

How does that feel? Pure contentment!

I couldn't agree more. 

Spread this, spread love. 

words of wisdom

I love this.

It's so true. 

That ah-ha moment. 

Priceless.

Anyway, I'd like to share here a video on a graduation speech by a student speaker, Hamza Siddiqui, from University of the Pacific, last June. It has been quite a while since I've heard a good speech, especially one that cited verses from the Qur'an itself. 

  

Kinda gave you that warm feeling, isn't it?

My personal favourites (yes of course I have to point this out) are : 

1) I've learnt that when you're heartbroken, you should place your hand on your chest and feel it beat. It's not broken yet. 

2) I've learnt that it's easy to go from one relationship to another relationship, to another one, but it's a lot harder to give time to fall in love with yourself.

3) Work hard but be easy on yourself.

4) No matter how busy you get, stay in touch with your friends.

5) Know that there will be time when the people that you love will betray you, treat them with kindness and forgiveness.

6) When somebody angers you, they have conquered you. Don't let anybody conquer you. 

7) I've learnt that life is really fragile. And that every single one of us are going to have to leave one day. 

These are my favourites because they reflect my life journey, be it friendship, relationship etc. 

So be good, everybody. It doesn't hurt, I tell ya. 

I remember working with a colleague a year back. He's a good staff, it's just that the management doesn't really favour him because he is kind of a rebel, questioning some of the plans the management has in store (which by the way, benefits them more than most of us). When I messed up at work the other day, I keep telling myself what an idiot I am. That colleague then said, "Takpe, ni dunia je semuanye"  I was so sentap at that time that I stayed speechless for quite a while. 

Moments like that lives forever in my mind. I think it's good to hold on to things that make us stay grounded. When we think too much or let emotions get the best of us, that's when we could be doing or saying something that could be hurtful to others, sometimes without us realizing it. 

Also, choose a good environment for you to develop yourself, or your family. If you're constantly having to work/grow in a negative environment, it WILL change who you originally are. Yours truly is a firm believer of that. Which is why I left a promising post in my previous job. Nearly 2 years down the road now, and I'm glad I made that decision.  

Have a good weekend!

May Allah reward you with abundance of goodness :)

"It makes no difference how many peaks you reach if there was no pleasure in the climb.” 

Oprah Winfrey

feed your heart with good things

If only we are able to instantly differentiate decisions on whether they are for worldly pleasures or to seek for Paradise, wouldn't it be nice?

Nah, it would be too easy. Not challenging enough kan? The dunya itself is a test, and guess what, the hardest challenge that you have to face is to overcome the evil inside of you. Yes, it is part of us, unfortunately. 

Which is why we need to always feed our hearts with good things, be it doa (prayers), Qur'an recitation, zikir, knowledge, having good intention or even the basic of it all, having a good heart. Just recently I read an article by Imam Khalid Latif in Huffington Post, talking about the condition of our hearts. Personally I love the article. You can read it here.  Our faith tends to wear out just like our clothes do (okay, I got this from reading it somewhere), that is why we need to keep on increasing them by ways above. 

The things that has happened to me these few months, the bad and the good, have taught me immensely on the things that matters most on this planet. That is, everything that you do, is for the sake of Allah. Have it any other way, you are bound to lose them (as in the things you fought so hard for) and you are bound to lose yourself. That is pretty bad, if you ask me. 

I have sinned a lot, an awful lot. And I still have a lot to learn, to absorb, to discover, to do.

I parted with my ex-boyfriend on good terms, but I've decided that it wouldn't do me any good to still be in contact with him. I know that he still loves me when we took the decision to break up, but when a man starts to have doubts about your future when he is faced with choices that only benefits him in the dunya, that's when you know that you need to move on. Taking some wise words I've learnt along the way, keep close to you those who remind you of Allah. So the very spot on. 

Honestly, I'm not so sure if I have forgiven him. It takes time, really, I guess. But I know I am in a better place without him. I know he used to read my blog but I don't know if he still does (you know with the 'added value' in his life, and everything). 

Dear men (and women), never take on what you cannot defend. 

That line itself is for you to ponder upon and decide with if you think whatever you're going to do is worth it in the long run.

I'm writing this for a dear girlfriend of mine who is currently facing what I used to face. It's hard, I know. Just put your trust in Allah, everything will be fine. The moment we understand that Allah's decision is always in our best interest, everything will start to make sense.

Paolo Coelho said in his book 'The Alchemist' (which I have not completed yet), 

'The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.'

which to me basically translates as, you can search all the wonders of the world, marvel at them, be excited about them and such, but never forget your true intention in this dunya.

Girlfriend, I love you lots. I know I've said it a hundred times over :)

"Make yourself better and time will fix everything else" 

Patrick Harris Neil 

shades of grey

It has been a while since I took an OOTD right? 

So here's their return, after so many months *smiles triumphantly*

I took this at night, hence the not so good photo qualities. Had to use filters this time, heh. 

 Wore these babies for Raya visiting. 

One of my current favourite patterns - chevron

Love the details on the wrist. Ruffles and finishing touches of gold buttons. 

There are also small pleats around the neck area which I also love, but I didn't get a close-up of it. 

Btw, the top is worn like a wrap-around piece of cloth. There's a right and left flap, and so that's the reason I still need to wear another layer of cloth inside (besides the blouse itself being a bit see-through)

Shoes : Kasoot by Isetan

Blouse : Cultivation by Isetan

Spaghetti top : H&M 

Skirt :  Ashura

 These days I prefer mixing and matching outfits. Not only 'cos it's easier for you to rock your style with different fashion ideas, it is also friendly on your purse/wallet (whoever's buying, the Mr or the Miss/Mrs).

Here's to celebrating individuality, and embracing it. 

 Have a good Sunday :)

"Find something that you love. Something that gets you so excited you can't wait to get out of bed in the morning. The money thing will come. I know so many people who have so much more money than I. They are miserable. It is so important to be happy.” 

Chris Gardner

the person who inspired 'The Pursuit of Happyness.'