If I could, I would jot down the journey I've taken since May last year, the people I meet, the things I read and found delight in, the lessons, the magical moment, the feeling, the serenity, the stir. Gosh, everything feels so magical and I wish they would stay with me, forever. I love writing these stuffs, but sometimes I can't really translate them into words, so at last, the ideas ended up just in my head, or in most cases, saved as drafts, until I don't know when :P So anything that I write, actually is from my personal experience and opinion, and doesn't necessary represent a label, a group etc.
So, today, one of my girlfriends, again, imposed a few questions regarding my change.
"Why have you suddenly become so 'kuai', macam orang baik-baik, ni?"
"Are you liking what you are now?" Okay, whatever that means :P
"Are you happy?"
Yes, I am happy :) It doesn't show eh? haha..
"So you've changed because of that one incident. Those are not mistakes, those are lessons. I mean, if that fulfills you and you think that is what you are searching for, then it's okay."
I thought for a while and replied.
"Actually, I wasn't searching for it (faith). I just found it (without searching)."
Well, I hope that made sense.
Yeah, I just found it without really searching for it. I was actually just looking for the answers to these 2 questions. Number 1, why did that happen to me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Number 2, what does getting married for the sake of Allah really mean? Which then led to the question of, if 2 people want to get married, it is between them both, where is Allah in this equation?
Boy, that question sounded pretty stupid now.
I'll probably write about those 2 questions in another entry because now I just want to highlight this conversation with my girlfriend that I had today in the office's pantry.
"You're just less adventurous nowadays. Look at Miss X. Girl, you used to be 'more fun'."
"I have changed, I know. In our life, at some point, we will come to that. We would just think that, yes, this is what I am searching for. But I have not abandoned you or our friendship, have I? I still go out with you guys. I'm still the same person. Still the same Amy. It's just that, like you said, nowadays, I go to these talks, classes but that doesn't change who I am with you guys."
You know, if I were to rewind my life, I never would have thought I'd have this conversation with my girlfriends. ANY one of them.
Which is why when I meet these new people, or sometimes not so new people but they happen to be there with the same intention as you are, and to share that feeling. THAT feeling. Man, it is just out of this world.
Allah loves us so much that for every hardship that you have to endure, He is actually saving you from something bad in the future that only He can see. And He is so great at forgiving, so forgiving, even when you think that you do not deserve His forgiveness. That's how much He loves us.
Let's strive for His pleasure in the things we do. Big ones, like careers and marriage.
Or small ones, like giving charity and treating people the right way.