Wednesday, April 23, 2014

protect what i love

Have you noticed that as we grow old, there will only be this bunch of friends who really, really know who you are, even when you don't know that part of you, yourself?


You know, I have been isolating myself from most people for these past few months because I realize that some things are just not worth hanging onto. Some create drama, and while I used to enjoy or even join in the drama, at this age I'm at, I don't need them anymore. There's no room in my mind to accommodate all these useless things which will drain me of my energy, for sure. 

Try doing something your friends don't expect you to do. Go against something they don't expect you to do and see their reaction. Some people, when they don't get what they want from you, they can be mean. A side of them you have not seen. Even if they are your very own close friends you've known for years. 

A few months ago, I was in a stressful situation, work-wise and family-wise. All I wanted at that time was understanding friends. That's it. This bunch of girlfriends keep asking me out for a catch-up session. At that time I was super busy from one weekend to another and I kept on rejecting their 'dates' and they went berserk about it. Biasalah, ladies and drama (me included la). So, in the midst of all this chaos, another group of friends also tried to set a date with me, which I politely declined as well, knowing my December schedule. But they were persistent and what they did next touched my heart deeply. This bunch of guy friends who work in the heart of KL and stay in faraway places like Ampang and Klang, went all the way from KL to see me in Cyberjaya, on their public holiday (it was Christmas Day, I was still working), so that they can have dinner with me. So sweet! Super duper sweet. I mean, can't my girlfriends do that too? Can't they be as understanding as the guys? I mean, the girls, they are practically working in Cyberjaya as well! And I didn't even think of that brilliant idea pun. Ah, can I just have guyfriends instead of girlfriends now? Haha, just kidding. I love my girlfriends just the same.  

When 2014 came, I was still swarmed up at work and activities. The same set of girlfriends ask me out for their birthday celebration next month. April, May and June are my busiest month so I just told them the weeks that I will be free. To the dismay of some of them who replied that the date set was already in agreement with most of  them, so I said ok, I'll follow majority (i think this surprised them). By this time, I was so annoyed that they bothered to even ask which dates I am free, but I kept reminding myself to be calm and patient. which was SO TOUGH! No wonder sabar is half of your iman :S

Is it them? Or is it just me? Am I being sensitive? Like I said, at this age, I don't need this. I don't need drama, I don't need friends who say beautiful things about yourself to you just to back-bite you in the end, I don't need talks about the latest cosmetic they have in Sephora or how much discount I can get, I don't need to discuss about someone's backside in the office nor do I want to talk about why is Miss A getting married with someone younger than her. I don't need those things anymore. Those will only make me love the world more when all I want now, is to leave all those behind. I don't want to feel jealousy, envy, competitive, excitement over worldly matters, arrogance, hatred. I just want to clean myself from all those mess I've built over the years and getting rid of them probably require having to leave some of your girlfriends behind, but that's okay.

The things that I love now is going for talks and classes to gain beneficial knowledge which I can share and educate my brothers and sisters with. The things that don't only benefit us now, but also when we have passed. I love having discussions with some girlfriends who go to these classes as well and we share the things that we learnt or debate about them, which will elevate our knowledge insyaAllah. These things, they give you a calmness in your hearts which you won't get it elsewhere. It's a delight having some of your lifelong questions answered by just asking and seeking. 

My point is, I have no room in my heart or mind for petty things. That doesn't mean I don't have fun anymore, I do, but just differently I guess. Someone once said, if you love a person, you gotta protect what he/she loves. That include her faith, her hobbies, her passion.

I can't agree more.