change ourselves

Squeezing this in before my lazy mood takes over, again. 

So, I had brunch over the weekend with my girlfriends whom I see something like once a year, at The Red Bean Bag, Publika. We had gossip session over our egg benedicts, baked eggs, something called 'Sumo' which is a pan-fried salmon steak (yummy!) and a dessert called 'Skycrapers', basically a stack of fluffy pancakes topped with chocolate sauce and maple syrup, served with caramelized slices of bananas, blueberries and strawberries. Didn't take any photo as I didn't feel like it. I don't really take photos these days, I don't know why. Anyways, we moved to taking a stroll along the bazaar in Publika. A bazaar of mostly headscarves, kaftans, blouses, praying attires, quirky fruit juices (read : Apple Medley. Not too bad if you like lemongrass - or was it celery - in your drinks). Then, I stopped at a booth selling beautiful scarves. I stopped because the lady manning the booth was so familiar to me. So while she was explaining about the scarves that she sells, I interrupted her nicely and told her that she looked familiar. 

"You look familiar. I think I know you through some activities by Project Amal." I explained, and her eyes lit up. 

"Oh, was it the gelandangan (homeless) project?" 

"No, it was way back. The one with the kids from the orphanages, where we brought them to go buy books at the Big Bad Wolf book sale?" 

"Oh yeah. Yeah, that one." She smiled weakly and continued while touching the tudung she was wearing, "I haven't started wearing tudung at that time." And then, she took a step back, arranging the scarves on the table.

Man, Right there and then, I felt so bad bringing up the whole thing. I know how it feels when people talk about the time when I wasn't wearing my tudung yet. The J-days (Jahiliyah days, as my naqibah calls it :P). I still go through this and whenever people talk about those days, my heart sank. Just last week, my colleague emailed me a screenshot of my business profile photo that the company has put on our company website 3 years ago. Let's just say, I wasn't proud of the photo. I know how she felt, but I didn't mean to make her feel that way. And I didn't even say sorry :( I didn't know how to. It was so awkward. I felt sad. 

She was very different this time around. She was more humble, as opposed to 2 years ago. My impression of her then, was a snobby rich kid (dear God, please forgive me). Look how she turned out, alhamdulillah. May Allah protect her. He guides whom He wills kan? 

Allah teaches us in wonderful ways, like this one. So, when people judge others unfairly, it makes me sad because I know, those being judged CAN be better than those so-called 'judges', with God's will. Muslims calling non-Muslims as kafir. You know what, through experience yang tak seberapa ni, I can tell you that actually, some non-Muslims are MORE Muslims than the Muslim themselves and some Muslims are MORE kafir than the kafir themselves, if you get what I mean. After all, the ultimate purpose of us being created diversely is for us to get to know each other well, NOT to condemn/put down those who are not of the same skin-colour, beliefs, status etc. 

There's this saying by Marie Curie, 

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

With the crisis that are happening in the world (or in our very own country) right now, I suggest for us to do more reading and research, not just taking things at face value. Understand what is going on, why do things happen that way, instead of listening to the rumors (of those who refuse to understand). 

Please, and thank you.

still the same me :)

If I could, I would jot down the journey I've taken since May last year, the people I meet, the things I read and found delight in, the lessons, the magical moment, the feeling, the serenity, the stir. Gosh, everything feels so magical and I wish they would stay with me, forever. I love writing these stuffs, but sometimes I can't really translate them into words, so at last, the ideas ended up just in my head, or in most cases, saved as drafts, until I don't know when :P So anything that I write, actually is from my personal experience and opinion, and doesn't necessary represent a label, a group etc. 

So, today, one of my girlfriends, again, imposed a few questions regarding my change.

"Why have you suddenly become so 'kuai', macam orang baik-baik, ni?"

"Are you liking what you are now?" Okay, whatever that means :P

"Are you happy?"

Yes, I am happy :) It doesn't show eh? haha.. 

She continued. 

"So you've changed because of that one incident. Those are not mistakes, those are lessons. I mean, if that fulfills you and you think that is what you are searching for, then it's okay."

I thought for a while and replied.

"Actually, I wasn't searching for it (faith). I just found it (without searching)."

Well, I hope that made sense. 

Yeah, I just found it without really searching for it. I was actually just looking for the answers to these 2 questions. Number 1, why did that happen to me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Number 2, what does getting married for the sake of Allah really mean? Which then led to the question of, if 2 people want to get married, it is between them both, where is Allah in this equation?

Boy, that question sounded pretty stupid now.

I'll probably write about those 2 questions in another entry because now I just want to highlight this conversation with my girlfriend that I had today in the office's pantry.

"You're just less adventurous nowadays. Look at Miss X. Girl, you used to be 'more fun'."

"I have changed, I know. In our life, at some point, we will come to that. We would just think that, yes, this is what I am searching for. But I have not abandoned you or our friendship, have I? I still go out with you guys. I'm still the same person. Still the same Amy. It's just that, like you said, nowadays, I go to these talks, classes but that doesn't change who I am with you guys." 

 You know, if I were to rewind my life, I never would have thought I'd have this conversation with my girlfriends. ANY one of them. 

Which is why when I meet these new people, or sometimes not so new people but they happen to be there with the same intention as you are, and to share that feeling. THAT feeling. Man, it is just out of this world. 

Allah loves us so much that for every hardship that you have to endure, He is actually saving you from something bad in the future that only He can see. And He is so great at forgiving, so forgiving, even when you think that you do not deserve His forgiveness. That's how much He loves us. 

Let's strive for His pleasure in the things we do. Big ones, like careers and marriage. 

Or small ones, like giving charity and treating people the right way. 

protect what i love

Have you noticed that as we grow old, there will only be this bunch of friends who really, really know who you are, even when you don't know that part of you, yourself?

Sigh.

You know, I have been isolating myself from most people for these past few months because I realize that some things are just not worth hanging onto. Some create drama, and while I used to enjoy or even join in the drama, at this age I'm at, I don't need them anymore. There's no room in my mind to accommodate all these useless things which will drain me of my energy, for sure. 

Try doing something your friends don't expect you to do. Go against something they don't expect you to do and see their reaction. Some people, when they don't get what they want from you, they can be mean. A side of them you have not seen. Even if they are your very own close friends you've known for years. 

A few months ago, I was in a stressful situation, work-wise and family-wise. All I wanted at that time was understanding friends. That's it. This bunch of girlfriends keep asking me out for a catch-up session. At that time I was super busy from one weekend to another and I kept on rejecting their 'dates' and they went berserk about it. Biasalah, ladies and drama (me included la). So, in the midst of all this chaos, another group of friends also tried to set a date with me, which I politely declined as well, knowing my December schedule. But they were persistent and what they did next touched my heart deeply. This bunch of guy friends who work in the heart of KL and stay in faraway places like Ampang and Klang, went all the way from KL to see me in Cyberjaya, on their public holiday (it was Christmas Day, I was still working), so that they can have dinner with me. So sweet! Super duper sweet. I mean, can't my girlfriends do that too? Can't they be as understanding as the guys? I mean, the girls, they are practically working in Cyberjaya as well! And I didn't even think of that brilliant idea pun. Ah, can I just have guyfriends instead of girlfriends now? Haha, just kidding. I love my girlfriends just the same.  

When 2014 came, I was still swarmed up at work and activities. The same set of girlfriends ask me out for their birthday celebration next month. April, May and June are my busiest month so I just told them the weeks that I will be free. To the dismay of some of them who replied that the date set was already in agreement with most of  them, so I said ok, I'll follow majority (i think this surprised them). By this time, I was so annoyed that they bothered to even ask which dates I am free, but I kept reminding myself to be calm and patient. which was SO TOUGH! No wonder sabar is half of your iman :S

Is it them? Or is it just me? Am I being sensitive? Like I said, at this age, I don't need this. I don't need drama, I don't need friends who say beautiful things about yourself to you just to back-bite you in the end, I don't need talks about the latest cosmetic they have in Sephora or how much discount I can get, I don't need to discuss about someone's backside in the office nor do I want to talk about why is Miss A getting married with someone younger than her. I don't need those things anymore. Those will only make me love the world more when all I want now, is to leave all those behind. I don't want to feel jealousy, envy, competitive, excitement over worldly matters, arrogance, hatred. I just want to clean myself from all those mess I've built over the years and getting rid of them probably require having to leave some of your girlfriends behind, but that's okay.

The things that I love now is going for talks and classes to gain beneficial knowledge which I can share and educate my brothers and sisters with. The things that don't only benefit us now, but also when we have passed. I love having discussions with some girlfriends who go to these classes as well and we share the things that we learnt or debate about them, which will elevate our knowledge insyaAllah. These things, they give you a calmness in your hearts which you won't get it elsewhere. It's a delight having some of your lifelong questions answered by just asking and seeking. 

My point is, I have no room in my heart or mind for petty things. That doesn't mean I don't have fun anymore, I do, but just differently I guess. Someone once said, if you love a person, you gotta protect what he/she loves. That include her faith, her hobbies, her passion.

I can't agree more. 

birds of a feather

I just realised a thing or two about friendship. 

That is, to maintain a good friendship, you need to see the best in each other, accept each others's weaknesses, and most importantly, support each other's passion, even if it's not really your kind of thing. 

I think I've been mentioning a lot about my girlfriends, in general, in some of my posts. They are incredible, I don't have the exact words to describe each and every one of them. My girlfriends come from various backgrounds, and some of them don't even have the same interests as I do, but we just clicked! One kinda funny statement I received from one girlfriend about another is "You both are so different from each other, I don't know how you guys can get along so well!"  LOL. 

I know what that 'different' meant. You see, in comparison to this particular girlfriend, let's call her 'A', I'm the quieter one, more lets-just-sit down-and-see-what-happens-next kinda girl. On the other hand, A is more vocal in expressing dissatisfaction or anger, and erm, a bit sarcastic sometimes, haha. I don't perceive that as a bad thing at all. I have my own vocal and sarcastic moments too, actually. It's just that they have mellowed down a bit these days. But yes, we have very different attitudes. But one thing that makes us the best of friends is that we respect each other in terms of who we are and what we love (and don't love). 

I guess she knows that I'm a sensitive girl and I don't like people telling me off harshly. I will definitely rebel. So if I make mistakes, or if she wants to advise me on something, she would use words that are pleasant and not make me feel bad about it. Do you see that? I mean, she's a vocal person, but she tones down just so I can see where I have been making mistakes. And although I don't really fancy visiting (as in during festive seasons), I'd accompany her to visit her friends, vice versa. And she, accompanies me for weddings.  I mean, there's food, come on :)  

Now, that's just one girlfriend. The rest of them are equally amazing in their own ways :)

I think those are really the keys to a good friendship. I pray for my girlfriends to be granted with righteous spouses who will guide them to Jannah and lovely babies who will grow up with good faith. I love my girlfriends so very much. They are my gem ;)  

                                                                                                                                              

       

shades of grey

It has been a while since I took an OOTD right? 

So here's their return, after so many months *smiles triumphantly*

I took this at night, hence the not so good photo qualities. Had to use filters this time, heh. 

 Wore these babies for Raya visiting. 

One of my current favourite patterns - chevron

Love the details on the wrist. Ruffles and finishing touches of gold buttons. 

There are also small pleats around the neck area which I also love, but I didn't get a close-up of it. 

Btw, the top is worn like a wrap-around piece of cloth. There's a right and left flap, and so that's the reason I still need to wear another layer of cloth inside (besides the blouse itself being a bit see-through)

Shoes : Kasoot by Isetan

Blouse : Cultivation by Isetan

Spaghetti top : H&M 

Skirt :  Ashura

 These days I prefer mixing and matching outfits. Not only 'cos it's easier for you to rock your style with different fashion ideas, it is also friendly on your purse/wallet (whoever's buying, the Mr or the Miss/Mrs).

Here's to celebrating individuality, and embracing it. 

 Have a good Sunday :)

"Find something that you love. Something that gets you so excited you can't wait to get out of bed in the morning. The money thing will come. I know so many people who have so much more money than I. They are miserable. It is so important to be happy.” 

Chris Gardner

the person who inspired 'The Pursuit of Happyness.'