let's date!

"Go out and date," said the aunty. 

"I've given your number to this teacher at my workplace. He will message you. Who knows he is your jodoh."

Erk. 

A few weeks after the incident.

"He is shy. That's why he hasn't messaged. Here, take his number and message him. Just do it. Who knows he is your jodoh."

Erkkk.

Me? Initiating a move? So not me. Not at all. 

This has happened quite a few times (initiated by relatives and friends every time) and most of the time, when the guy has gotten hold of my number, they are afraid to make the next move. Why oh why, dear men? The only time I made the first move was during the last relationship, which, by the way, turned disastrous. But that was so last season, so let's not talk about that now, shall we? :P

I think it is time to date (again), but there is no candidate, so how now, brown cow? 

Sometimes, yes, I do miss going on dates. Having someone special to share your day-to-day stories, to manja with, to go watch movies with, to pamper and be pampered, to flirt with, to try out new makan place with, to make fun of, to take care, to be sweet and nice to, just cause. Man, there are many things I miss doing, with a partner. 

My girlfriend and I were talking about this today. Pretty much pouring out our insecurities over the reasons (why we have not met The One, so to speak) and on what should we do about it etc (in which case, we don't really know what to do). It is hard to find a decent man. If he is good, he is already taken. That is always the case, sadly. 

I know that God is perfect in His timing. We probably have not done much effort on our parts, maybe. And after a series of disappointments, I'm probably still feeling a bit insecure. That, I need to let go. Let it goooo.. Yes, I need to let it go. And find that man. That kind-hearted, gentle and loving man, who will love me for who I was and who I am. Who will continue to seek God's love through the family he is responsible for. 

Okay, I'm ready to take the plunge. Again.

Pray for me? 

dear future

My future Mr Zauj, this entry (including the video) is for you.

Know that you're always in my prayers.

:)

(please do play this video while you're reading through the entry, okie? it adds the feel to this entry. kihkih)

Sometimes it feels like I'm missing someone I've never even met. I'm excited, really, but I know we will only meet when we're ready.  I read somewhere that sometimes, we are not yet destined to meet our jodoh, because he/she is no longer around. This means that our jodoh is indeed with him/her, but we didn't make it to meeting each other because he/she has already been called to return home to Allah. If that is ever the case for me, I sure hope I will meet him in the Hereafter. Tapi tak sempat berbakti sebagai wifey, then how? Can still go Jannah together or not? :S The article I read didn't really elaborate on that, so I shall do some more reading on that. Interesting ,right? The things you stumble upon while trying to look for answers to a completely different question altogether, masha Allah. 

I recently came to a conclusion. That nothing in this life is a coincidence. It IS meant to be how it is. Not a mere coincidence, my friends.  My brother disagreed on this. You will come to that point of life, maybe many,many years later and see things clearer. That is when you will look back and say, "So that was what all that was about." Trust me, Allah is the all-Knower. His plans are always in the best of our interest. Even as you are doing what you are doing now, you will see what comes out of it sooner or later. Which is why you must always do good, have good intentions. Do you know that when you intend to do good, you get a point (translated to pahala in Malay), and when you really do it, you get another. YET, when you do a bad deed, your bad deed is not yet jotted down by the angels because they say, "Wait, maybe he will repent." How great is that? This is what I learnt from Syeikh Yusuf Estes, anyways. Do correct me if I understand it the wrong way. 

p/s : You can look for his video on deeds by his video title 'Deeds are by intention' in YouTube. He has this soothing voice like a father reading a bedtime story. I admit that I fell asleep on the sofa one night while watching him on the telly. It's his voice! He is nevertheless an inspiring character, at least to me, that is. 

Ah, I'm as usual strayed away from my path of writing on this jodoh thingamajig. Let's carry on.

Good men are for good women, vice versa. And lately, I've seen a quite a number of them united in walimahs, alhamdulillah. This has inspired me greatly. 

I pray to always be guided to be a better Muslim and to be reminded of when I'm not.

p/s : I've made 2 kinda big life decisions. I surely hope both will be manifested within this year, insha Allah :) I'll share more when I'm ready. 

"So then if a person reflects on the manifestations of God's perfection, beauty and majesty, as well as God's favour upon him or her, and meaning of love for Allah is engraved in the heart of this individual. And then, when love of Allah is engraved in the heart of a human being, that heart becomes attached to Allah. And the heart becoming attached to Allah, causes a removal of a veil from the heart so that the heart perceives its connection to God."

- Habib al-Jifri

  

what i want #3 - take time off for each other

Hellooo. How are you today? I hope you are in the pink of health!

Oh yeah, I've been meaning to say. It's October, and if you have not heard, October is also associated with the colour pink, hence, Pink October, a month of breast cancer awareness. Of course, we shouldn't limit this awareness to only this month :) Yesterday, my department has some sort of a KFC makan-makan session at the office and alhamdulillah, most of us (even the guys) came in pink as requested by yours truly *peace sign*

But that's not really the point of this entry (selalu tauu, iklan-iklan gitu)

This is entry #3 for what I want for my future :)

I went to Sy Yahya Ibrahim's talk on what does it take to be the happiest women recently, and he gave 20 points on how to. One of the points is to learn from your parents's life, the good and also the not so good.

One of the best things I learn from them is to take some time off for each other. Nearly every morning, my dad and my mum would go out to have breakfast together, just the two of them. They know each other's favourites or second favourite (in case the shop doesn't have the first one). I remember my aunt asking me one morning, " Mana mak? Dating la tu."  Ahaa.

So it's either eating out, having some date night (i.e movies etc) or just having home-made breakfast or dinner at home, just the two of us. I secretly love cooking breakfast. I think I would love it even more to be cooking breakfast for him >.<  Pandai-pandai je kan, cuba nanti dah kawin. Ada lagi kerr? Insha allah. Hohohooo..

I love mornings. I guess it's the breath of fresh air, the new hope.

Today's breakfast - scrambled eggs, diced tomatoes and frankfurters in mixed herbs. Love English breakfast as my stomach can't take heavy meals in the morning

I think having a time-off from the household every once in a while is good for you and your spouse, away from other things that can hinder you from getting to know each other, even after some 30 years of marriage. We never stop learning, betul tak? There is bound to be something new that you learn about your spouse, every single day.

These days, divorce is so common in the society that it's starting to be the trend already. I do not want that in my future. I admit that that is one of the reasons I'm scared to be committed to a marriage. Thing is, I can't shake this perception in my head that no matter how good a man is, somehow or rather, they are bound to have a change of heart, somewhere along the lifeline of a marriage. I don't want to go through the trauma of having to think that I'm second best. I mean, isn't that what your spouse is for? To protect and make you feel like you're the best thing that has ever happened to him/her? Otherwise, imagine the insecurity and the inferiority the spouse has to go through. Imagine feeling like that everyday, it's like a child who gets deprived of affection from his parents, so he resorts to rebelling. 

Oh, the horror. 

I hope what I want will be materialized in the future. I know it's not enough just hoping and praying, both of us need to make it work and of course, tawakkal. 

Taking the words of a fellow Muslim brother, Mazhir Jamil Ya-Si : 

'Change of heart often occurs when one goes through hardship. A person may want to change their ways for their own betterment. After all they feel that life has treated them bad whenever they found happiness. They feel that whenever they found happiness it gets taken away from them. But not everything you believe is happiness. A Haram relationship - by no means is this acceptable as a muslim? You haven't found happiness, you have just fallen into the trap and following the evil whispers occupying your mind. So whenever this relationship breaks, know that it was for the best and happiness lies outside of haram. Reflect the past. Mistakes will be always made but remember, the experience that you gain from them should enable you to stop. Unless you have a weak heart.'

....."Therefore, when I am your other half, I only want to be completed, not to be compared. I am indeed a woman by nature, and as your wife, all I need is just my husband.

The goal is Jannah, hence please be with me in anything that is pleasure to Allah. May Allah bless us forever, ameen."

Someday you'll find the right person, and you'll learn to have a lot more confidence in yourself. That's what I think - Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

what I want #2 - he who practices Islam

The second 'What I want' entry after 2 months. Click here for the first. 

I have been in and out of quite a few relationships and I still don't know what love is. I used to think that all that matters in a relationship is the chemistry that you have with each other. Like how you can talk to each other until the wee hours of the morning, even if you had to go to work early the next day (and still have something to talk about the next day), like how you were thinking about something and your other half suddenly talks to you about it, or how comfortable you feel just sitting beside them doing absolutely nothing, and still enjoy their company. You know that kinda thing. 

  That's probably based on the assumption or sort of a quote I read somewhere that when you choose a life partner, choose someone that you can never ran out of things to talk about, because in the end, you're gonna have to live in the same house, share the same bed, eat the same food, experience the growing old together. So, I must have been heading in the right direction, kan? 

I found that person. I was happy, and contented. 

But what if, he found the same chemistry, with another person? What is left of the relationship?

Nothing. Kaput.

Let me tell you about one of my role models since I was younger. 

You see, for years, I've observed how my uncle (in-law), Mok Y, took care of my aunt, Mok M. My aunt got married quite late, in her early thirties and they were actually match-made by their families. Probably because of age, my aunt had a hard time conceiving, so they adopted 2 girls to complete the family. It was evident that my uncle was earning way lesser than my aunt, but that was never a problem. I think what makes up for that is his character as a husband and a father. My uncle is quite a joker (and quite a charmer too, I might add), so I guess that balances the intensity between them. My aunt is loving but can be strict at times due to her nature of work as a school principal. They tease each other a lot (I think I'm beginning to have this register in my head. Future husband : must tease me a lot :P ).

So far so good, right? But the one thing that I respect this man a lot for is how he treats our family, exactly like his own. They live quite near to my grandparents, so everyday, he would drop by my grandparents's to check out on them. Every single day. During Raya, he is one of the busiest man in our household, from fixing the lampu liplap outside to helping us ladies with the cooking in the kitchen. My own uncles are not even that 'busy'. 

Now, where can I find one of those? They are of rare species nowadays. Hehe. 

I have a confession. I used to have this mindset to not get married (ever) and I have my personal reasons for that. The last few months has taught me on the beauty of having a family. Having a good Muslim husband, beautiful children and a loving family. Have always wondered how it would be like to be a wife and a mother (and all those maternal instinct you never knew you had). 

Sometimes I wonder what changed, or rather, how it all changed. I mean, the perception. Maybe the more I read, the more it makes sense. Heh, obviously I don't read much. I was out having iftar with some of my close friends the other day. They were the 'happening' bunch, always up-to-date with the latest designer brands, gadgets and such. Usually I would join the hype but I notice that I wasn't really interested this time around. Maybe I was just tired. Or broke. Hahaha. 

 So, back to my post title, what I want for my future, is a life striving for His pleasure, which I can find through a good husband who practices Islam . Funny how this never crossed my mind before. 

"If you love someone, you should protect what he/she loves (dreams, passion, family, faith and the list goes on)" - Hanis Zalikha

renewed faith

My favorite part of the day. Midnight. Especially on a Friday. 

"There's always something about Friday nights and adrenaline rush". 

My tweet earlier. Well yeah, 'cos I was driving on the highway with the windows rolled down and that brush of air while you're driving at high speed,  makes you feel alive. Not that I'm promoting that need for speed, of course. Hey it was still within the speed limit (i think). AND I wasn't tweeting while driving. Honest!

Anyways, one of my best friends, Nas, got engaged to her Mister Dinosaur today (yeap, that's what she calls him. hehe. i think it's cute). She's in Kuching and I was so disappointed that I couldn't be there with her on her special day. Couldn't get the day off from the boss. Boo. But whatever it is, I am so happy for her on this big step. I mean, I've known Nas since primary school, for goodness sake. And while we weren't that close in school, we met again lots of years later in KL of all places and became the best of friends since then. She is a big part of my life. She introduced me to MIFA, how's that?!?  :')

For Nas to have taken this big, bold step of moving on to another level, and being casual about it is something I must say I respect. To me, this shows a level of maturity because it is a decision that affects not only her alone, but her family and his family as well. Well, I don't know Mister Dinosaur personally (though I intend to give a personal speech to him on how to make Nas happy :P ) , but from Nas's stories, I think he will make a good husband. Anyhow, there's this surah, surah an-Nur ayat 26 which states that 

"Perempuan yang jahat untuk lelaki yang jahat dan lelaki yang jahat untuk perempuan yang jahat. Perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik dan lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik." 

and I firmly believe that Mister Dinosaur is indeed lelaki yang baik.

Thing is, life has this wonderful way of unfolding itself. Some call it luck, others may call it fate. Muslims, like myself, call them Qada' and Qadar. I know sometimes we're presented with choices that we don't understand and we wonder what He is trying to tell us. Yeah it's funny at times but having to go through a bad break-up recently, it actually gave me a renewed sense of faith that everything is the way it should be. Indeed He knows what's best for us. Allah is great and He loves us so very dearly. We just need to have faith and of course coupled with our own effort. That's what I feel anyways. 

 And speaking of marriage, honestly I've always wondered what does it mean when they say "To enter a marriage in the name of Allah." What I used to think is that, I thought you get married in the name of love, so how can you get married if you don't love the person you're marrying? How do you do it in the name of Allah? I mean, yes you can say it aloud, I'm marrying him/her in the name of Allah but how do you justify it with your actions? Been thinking about this for quite a long time now and I think I may have found the answer in this video.

Sending a lot of love over from KL, Sweetheart. You deserve each other. And I will see you real soon!

"He found you wandering"

That is, lovingly seeking God. So He guided you and the creation to Him.

Habib Ali al-Jifri

superhero

The joy of being an only daughter 

XD

Do you know that the Chinese believe that daughters are their father's girlfriend from a previous life? That is why daughters tend to be closer to their dads than they are to their mothers. 

When I was a teenager, I was closer to my father because we could talk about a lot of things. Papa built his success from scratch and he gave a lot of advice on how to study and he even shared his experiences of studying one of the toughest subject of all time - law. Can't believe he actually recorded his own voice of narrating the Acts and played them back so he could memorize them faster o_O

And because it makes me happy to see my father happy, my only goal growing up was to excel in my studies, which went along fine until I went to the university - but thank God I survived :P

Honestly, I owe everything to Allah and my parents's blessings. 

One thing I notice about my father throughout the years was how he reacted towards his ups and downs. I know, I have been writing a little bit about it in some of my entries.  Thing is, doesn't matter whether he has the money or not, one thing that remains constant until now, is how humble he is. What varies is how people react towards him when he was at the pinnacle of success and when he was at the lowest point of his life. The things people do (or don't do) when they are in need (or not) *sigh*

Talking about success, the other day, I was having dinner with some well-to-do families, and all they talk about were cars, wealth and businesses. We were also seated with the less fortunate and it saddened me to see them all out in trying to impress the rich ones. That is so wrong. I know it happens a lot in the society as well. Sometimes these crazy fascination with the wonders of the world makes me sick.

Moving on to a lighter note, I hope I will one day find a man who has similar characteristic as my father, humble, kind and responsible. Not many men possess those qualities nowadays. My friend from my hometown kept on asking me to go back to Kuching for good and get a local man to get married to. Geez, I don't think there are anymore available bachelors in Kuching, hahaha. The good ones are already taken! Anyways, I am seriously considering going back to Kuching, maybe in the next 2 years. I keep saying that, I know :P Just hope the rezeki comes in a bit earlier ya? I miss spending time with my family, watching them grow old and grow up. 

Lastly, Happy Father's Day to all daddies out there!
Be a good example and be there as much as you can for your children because it does make a lot of difference of how they perceive the idea of a father figure. And if you ever (God forbid) decide that it doesn't work out with your spouse, please DO NOT plant all kinds of negative perception into your kids's mind just so they won't ask around for their mom/dad. They have the right to the truth. 

Alright now, adios!


Find beauty in everything. Helps cleanse your heart.

what i want #1 - a big and close-knit family

One of my best friends told me to first know what I want, then act and focus on what I have decided. You know, after the whole fiasco. It never crossed my mind, honestly. Because, I guess, being compassionate and all, I would put others first before myself and I kept on telling myself that they would change, someday. This turned out to be one of the red flag in my previous relationship.

So what I am gonna do now is jot down what I want for myself in the future. So whenever I think and decide what I want, I'm gonna jot them down in my blog, as and when. This will act as a reminder for me to understand myself and why I choose them in the first place. 

The first thing that I want for myself in the future is to have a big and close-knit family of myself and my future spouse. 

The other day, a friend and I were talking about our families. He is of a mixed parentage of Eurasian, Indian, Chinese,  Portuguese and yada-yada I've lost count. And because of this many mixes of cultures, he has a huge extended family and they would always gather at an aunt's house for festivities or just because, have some makan-makan session and just chill. That is super cool! Imagine hanging out in the huge living room with families of different cultures and just spend the afternoon together. So many stories to share, I tell you. Exciting, don't you think? Well, I hope my future family in law will be a cool family to call them my own :P

I shall continue on what I want in the next entry :)

To find and keep the jewelry - XOXO

I have been wanting to write about this for a long time but have not gotten the chance. Excerpts from the book 'been there, done that, kept the jewelry' by Cooper Lawrence. Got the book from Elle (click here for details). 

I feel the excerpts somewhat carry some truth in them ;) Yes, from past experience, and I just want them kept as a reminder to myself, and also, as a sharing experience.

Excerpt #1

When you first start dating someone, your instincts are good and you can tell if it will work or not. Just be aware that some guys are not always as they appear at first. Some will disguise a mean spirit with humor, while a really great guy may be hiding behind a shy exterior that you interpret as snobby. If you're too quick to judge, you may let a really yummy guy slide through your fingers and wonder why there are no good guys around. Also keep in mind that being good at choosing guys doesn't mean that you are good at keeping them. If you find a really terrific guy, remember that you have to be a really terrific girl. 

Excerpt #2

Listen to what your date is saying too when you are out with him; he will tell you what he is looking for. You just have to learn to pay attention. Let's say that you are out with a perfectly normal, seemingly charming potential cuddle bunny and he is talking about his future, which involves scaling the Andes, skydiving into volcanoes, and whitewater rafting down the Amazon. First you think adventure guy sounds like he is still searching for the fountain of youth, a soul, whatever. You may see his freewheeling life as meaning he's not ready to settle down. Then he says that an adventure isn't worth having unless you share it with someone special. Hmm, good words to hear. Okay, he wants a relationship. Score one for his side. 

This same kind of interpretation works for you, too; remember this advice when you are out on a date with someone and find yourself talking about your career and all of the ins and outs of your job. He may see that as you not wanting to settle down. You can be career-focused, but you also have to be a good date. You may have tried to pay it cool, and by doing that turned off a great guy who could have been you destiny.  

Excerpt #3

The idea of the list is that you don't have to compromise. You are creating the perfect guy for yourself in this list. Then as soon as you know what qualities that perfect guy for you has, you'll recognize him when you meet him. Notice that I am saying the perfect guy "for you". It's not about a perfect guy in general, because we all know that's not possible. 

Excerpt #4

I need someone with a good sense of humor, even funny. 
I get very uptight, and I cannot be with another type-A personality. He needs to balance out my intensity and make me laugh.

Excerpt #5

Many women stick it out in relationships with guys like this, and truly believe that if they wait around long enough, "he'll change." Let me tell you this right now : it rarely happens.

Excerpt #6

Feeling secure with someone in a relationship and feeling accepted by them can make a difference in your own self-esteem and how you feel about who you are in that relationship. In other words, you need someone who will enhance and encourage those qualities that you know to be your best ones. When you meet someone and you think that he may be special, you need to be mindful of how he sees you. We have all been in that situation, where you say one thing and the person totally misconstrues what you've said, and no matter how many times we try to explain ourselves, the person is just not getting it.


What you want is someone you are completely simpatico with; you want someone who totally gets you.

Excerpt #7

Your prince charming might not always make the best first impression, whether the reason be nerves or lack of experience in dating you.So try to keep your mind open with the guys you meet, because they may reveal their true selves to you in seemingly innocuous ways. If you aren't paying attention, you might miss them.


So folks,what do you think? Feeling more confident? I did! (after reading the book). Wish me (and you) tonnes of good luck ya! 


XOXO