Sunday, July 29, 2012

Dear heart, you're indeed the strongest organ in my body. You've been broken so many times and yet you're still strongly beating. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

1st day of fasting

Today is the first time I'm fasting for this year, due to medical
condition. It's also my first time experiencing the fasting month in this
house. Honestly I prefer the experience back at my old rented house
in Seri Kembangan because while I was preparing my sahur meal, I
could hear the other neighbours cooking, chatting and the sound of
utensils clacking against each other, and that sounded just like home.
As oppose to this area, I couldn't hear the joy of people preparing for ramadhan
and the likes, you know. I need to adjust myself with this environment
I guess. Oh well! Time for salah, asalamualaikum :)

Saturday, July 21, 2012

kecik hati

I know it's Ramadhan month but I couldn't help wanting to express this kecik hati feeling of mine. It's actually over a close friend, who I feel is just taking our friendship to her advantage. Been having this nagging bad feeling before, but I had always brushed it off because I had always, always looked up to her as  a very positive person.  

You know how people say in a friendship there has to be giving and taking right? Lately I feel like I've been used, after recalling the favours that she had asked of me vice versa. I don't want to be calculative, but really, you didn't even ask me how I was after the operation? You know I was in an operation yesterday and the the first thing you asked me in your message was a chaser of whether or not I can attend to your needs scheduled this September? 

I am so hurt. I have given all that I can in my friendship but this I can't accept. I don't have to remind you over and over about what I do or the important events I have in my life that my girlfriends ARE supposed to know. I'm not one who updates my girlfriends regularly on my whereabouts or the little joy I have in my daily life, so once in a while, I just want you to acknowledge. That's it. I guess I'm also still kecik hati over the fact that  you didn't come for my birthday gathering with the reason you were out with some insurance agent. I invited you many weeks in advance just so you can plan ahead, but no. So what I am to you really? I can't always be the one who's gonna give, babe. 

Tired trying to please everyone. 

good start to ramadhan 2012 1433 A.H

13 hours ago I posted this on my Facebook status. I was in the midst of feeling sad, afraid, bummed, nervous but at the same time excited. Weird combo huh?

Truth is, I just had a minor surgery today. Nothing serious, it's just that I'm having some women issues which had started since I was younger. Just had the awareness and *gulps* courage, to finally have it checked and attended to. 

I checked in at Sime Darby Medical Hospital at around 11.30am with my brother, got called in for procedure preparation at around 12.30 and wheeled into the Pre-operation Bay at around 1.30 pm. 

I think I had excessive anxiety attack moment while waiting in the Pre-operation Bay because at times, I had tears trickling down from my eyes. I was so worried. What if something went wrong?  What if I woke up in the middle of the surgery? What if I can feel the pain down south?

Urggh. So not cool. 

Prior to this very day, my mum kept reminding me to say my prayers before the operation ('cos I keep forgetting). Instead, I kept reminding myself to bring Cleo mag and Nora Robert's novel along in case of boredom. Shameful. So I recited the Qursi verse and selawat whilst on the bed waiting for the operation. 

On the bed, I remember recalling the last time I was in an operation theatre was when I was about 9 years old. Due to mischief, I had fallen from the stairs and somehow dislocated my left wrist bone. 

And now, another operation at this age of a quarter of a decade! Slightly more than a quarter that is, hahaha!

At around 2.30 pm I was moved into the operation theatre (OT), given anesthetic drugs in the form of injection and breathing gas and the next thing I knew, I had passed out. I woke up to the sound of 'Dayang, operation dah habis' repeatedly. I was still so blur and sleepy, I just nodded. For a 10-minute intervals later, my blood pressure was checked. Time was 3.15 pm.

I was finally released an hour later with some prescription. Honestly, I wasn't in pain after the surgery, I was just feeling dizzy but they gave me a wheelchair to the lobby anyway. I got myself an Italian sandwich and a few cookies from Subway before I left. I was extremely hungry, been fasting since morning. And yeah, SDMC has their very own Subway, Dome and 1901. Super cool for a hospital!

My brother drove me home 'cos I wasn't allowed to drive due to the anesthetic gas. Reached home, ate my Subway sandwich and slept for hours until near Isya'. I'll have this whole weekend spent resting, which is good 'cos it feels like I haven't had enough rest for a few weeks already. 

As I'm drafting this, I am still feeling drowsy. It has been 10 hours since the surgery. Just had cheese sandwich 'cos I was feeling so hungry (again!). Well it's now 1am and I am supposed to be calling it a night!

So, to all fellow Muslims, have a blessed Ramadhan, good sahur and breaking of fast with your loved ones. Have a meaningful month full of good deeds and don't forget the less fortunate ones as well. My vow for this Ramadhan, is ... A LOT! One of it is to recite the al-Quran as much as I can, insyallah. I want to be a better Muslim than I was for the past years. 

Til then, salam Ramadhan :)

Monday, July 16, 2012


Everything I never knew I wanted 

passion from another angle

“Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path. 

No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded. 

Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything. 

Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive? 

I don't know.” 

― Paulo CoelhoEleven Minutes

Monday, July 2, 2012

not-so-old photos


The shy Amy
April Port Dickson trip - Grand Lexis

The laid-back Amy (and was so eager wanna visit the ostriches)
Grand Lexis, Imran beside me

The jiwang Amy (what with the pink ropol2 top and all)
Didn't buy the top, makes me look fatterrrr - Parkson

The starving Amy (I have a lot of photos under this category, just saying)
With Ummie at Ummi Cafe, Port Dickson

The vain (and very relieved) Amy
Common epidermic illness, the vanity - office's mirror

A sweet day out with the younger girls :P - Delicious, 1Utama

My apple crumble

The nervous (and trying to hide 'em) Amy
The 'before' look - favourite colours

The corporate Amy
Going to work, vanity everywhere I tell you

The gone-wild Amy
Me and Anne in our prints, 1Utama

The wacko Amy
I wanna be in the movies!