Sunday, September 29, 2013

yes, to adventures (and men)

Recently I had a chat with one of my girlfriends. I asked her, what difference does she see in me in all these months. She said, "You talk more about religious stuff now, you've become quieter and more laid-back. You're no longer this exciting Amy who straightaway says yes to adventures, you know. It's like you're this wall that is hard to break through."


Okay, I know that last part is concluded from me being indecisive on proceeding with my Bali trip. And she was adamant for me to go. She wanted me to go so much because she said I deserve the trip after all that has happened. I know I deserve it too, but honestly at this stage, I didn't feel like I needed that trip anymore. And I was actually OK to go or otherwise. I didn't mind not going, but I just had to assess the pros and cons. 

My point here is not the trip, nor it is about me being indecisive. 

My point is that I'm no longer this exciting person who says yes to adventures. It hit me hard. I guess there's a little bit of truth to that. Thing is, for so many months, all I wanted and prayed for is to have strength to go through the trials and ultimately, to have a peaceful mind and heart. And alhamdulillah (praise to Allah), that has been granted, albeit not an easy journey. I've reconnected with friends and families that I didn't always get to hang out with and to me that's actually a learning experience because otherwise, I wouldn't have known what I wanted in my future family, hadn't I spend that much time with them. Everything, all these months, has been a learning experience. Every single thing. An eye-opener this heartbreak has been.

Man, I can go on and on about the things I learnt, but of course, those are not the point of this entry, so I shall save them for future posts. 

Going for crazy adventures, like how I was used to, is probably the last thing on my mind, right now. However, it still struck me hard that I'm receiving this perception from my own girl. I don't want to lose that part of me, of course. I'm a go getter (working hard on that at work though, haha) and I love adventures, especially impromptu ones. That line has reminded me that in order to attain my goals, I shall not lose myself in the process. No no, not me. How could I forget that? Hmmm. 

I assess myself a bit after that, and I have came to a conclusion that yes, I have, too, been building walls around myself, especially with people who I'm not close with (i.e colleagues) and men. I have trust issues, definitely. I'm scared. I'm scared that the more compassion I show, the easier it is to get hurt. Oh my, my first confession on my fear. That is probably the reason I've been holding off meeting new people, and friend-zoning advances. Yes, apparently friend-zone is a valid English word. 

Starting over, that's scary. 
Especially when you don't really know what to do. I'm just thankful I started off  with finding and rekindling with my faith. The next steps, I guess I'll just let things flow. Adventures and men, you're still a little scary but you're something that I need to open up to again slowly. Haih.

A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek Him in order to find her
Maya Angelou

Friday, September 27, 2013

our little jasmine

Raja Sarah Jasmine. 6 months old. 

My girlfriend's first bundle of joy. 
Well, OUR bundle of joy, 'cos we're her super cool aunts. 

And by 'we', I mean this lady here, and myself. 

Jasmine's such a happy baby! No fuss, well, except when she wants to have her sleep la, easy to handle and goes along so well with everybody! 

My first letter to baby Jasmine when we first visited her early June.
By the way, she had her first reconstructive surgery last month to fix her cleft lips and palate and it went very well. She definitely has her mother's spirit, I tell you.  

Yeah baby, you're gonna grow up awesome.

Aunty pray only for the best for you, little Jasmine. Missing you loads now :')  

Random fact : The name Jasmine is one of the name that I am keeping for my future daughter ;) Just a different kinda spelling. Will not reveal yet, at least not until she's along the way. Hahaha

Monday, September 23, 2013

pledge for organ donation today!

Organ donation. 

So many debates revolving around them but one thing for sure is our ultimate intention in donating our organs.

"One who saved a life would be as if he has saved the lives of all mankind."
(Qur'an 5:32)

Based on the statistics up to August this year, that's only last month, there are only about 0.8% out of the entire population of the nation who have actually pledged their organs. You see, that's not even 1%, how sad is that? I'm not sure what's the cause, I guess this will need to undergo a survey, but I would think that this would have to do with the people's traditional beliefs of wanting to preserve the body as it is when it goes into the grave. That's just my guess. I mean, when I pledged for my organ donation in 2009, it took me 2 years to finally tell my parents about it. You see, I understand that not everybody is comfortable giving away a part of themselves to others that easily. Especially if it involves part of their family members. My mom was surprised but that's it. 

So please pledge your organs for donation in the name of saving mankind. You can pledge at any age, in fact the youngest person to pledge was 25 days old, however if you're still below 18, you would need your parents's consent. 

Do visit their website for more information (seriously a lot of details here) at and follow them via Instagram/Twitter/G+/tumblr/Youtube/Facebook/pinterest/issuee 
under @dermaorgan 

They just launched their website and video last week and are having a walkathon on 5th October 2013 in view of Organ Donation Awareness Week, at Monumen Alaf Baru, Precint 2, Putrajaya. 

This is one cause I've been wanting to do since I was a teenager and I finally got that chance to pledge as a donor when I was working in my previous company. 

How does that feel? Pure contentment!

I couldn't agree more. 

Spread this, spread love. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

can i see your phone?

A few days ago, MixFM had this interesting topic open for discussion on their morning show. I loveee their morning show because honestly, I love to hear Sarimah in her Irish accent. Hehe.

Anyway, on the topic. 

Would you check your spouse's/bf-gf's handphone/Facebook account/email just to confirm that there's no hanky panky going on behind you?

Most of the callers who called in said that yes, they would. Simply because, they need to know and confirm. One caller even confessed that she had broken up with her boyfriend the day before because of what she found in his phone messages. 

At work, I asked my colleagues the same the question. Most of the guys don't mind their phones being checked, but not their wallet. Still that doesn't really answer the question, but I guess, that's just something guys don't want to share. On the other hand, my lady boss gave a simple but meaningful answer.

She said that, if there really is something going on with her husband and a third person, ultimately if Allah wills it, you will definitely get the answer, without having to invade their privacy. I have read/heard of this somewhere, and saya setuju!

Actually, this topic's close to my heart. Sure, I got what I wanted to know but did I benefit anything from it? No. In fact it made things worse. And I've learnt my lesson. One tough lesson it was.

Or perhaps, this is His way of showing? :)

Additionally, I'd like to share some words of wisdom from 2 sheikhs that I respect,  in view of the above situation.

#1 Sheikh Hamza Yusuf

Only thing that reduces anxiety is by certainty (Yaqeen), and knowing that everything that happens is only because of Allah, and you’re in good hands

#2 Sheikh Mirza Yawar Baig

Tawakkul is to know, not believe; know, that Allah hears, sees and answers and that we don't need to ask anyone else after asking Him

Makes perfect sense. 

Friday, September 6, 2013

words of wisdom

I love this.

It's so true. 
That ah-ha moment. 


Anyway, I'd like to share here a video on a graduation speech by a student speaker, Hamza Siddiqui, from University of the Pacific, last June. It has been quite a while since I've heard a good speech, especially one that cited verses from the Qur'an itself. 

Kinda gave you that warm feeling, isn't it?

My personal favourites (yes of course I have to point this out) are : 

1) I've learnt that when you're heartbroken, you should place your hand on your chest and feel it beat. It's not broken yet. 
2) I've learnt that it's easy to go from one relationship to another relationship, to another one, but it's a lot harder to give time to fall in love with yourself.
3) Work hard but be easy on yourself.
4) No matter how busy you get, stay in touch with your friends.
5) Know that there will be time when the people that you love will betray you, treat them with kindness and forgiveness.
6) When somebody angers you, they have conquered you. Don't let anybody conquer you. 
7) I've learnt that life is really fragile. And that every single one of us are going to have to leave one day. 

These are my favourites because they reflect my life journey, be it friendship, relationship etc. 

So be good, everybody. It doesn't hurt, I tell ya. 

I remember working with a colleague a year back. He's a good staff, it's just that the management doesn't really favour him because he is kind of a rebel, questioning some of the plans the management has in store (which by the way, benefits them more than most of us). When I messed up at work the other day, I keep telling myself what an idiot I am. That colleague then said, "Takpe, ni dunia je semuanye"  I was so sentap at that time that I stayed speechless for quite a while. 

Moments like that lives forever in my mind. I think it's good to hold on to things that make us stay grounded. When we think too much or let emotions get the best of us, that's when we could be doing or saying something that could be hurtful to others, sometimes without us realizing it. 

Also, choose a good environment for you to develop yourself, or your family. If you're constantly having to work/grow in a negative environment, it WILL change who you originally are. Yours truly is a firm believer of that. Which is why I left a promising post in my previous job. Nearly 2 years down the road now, and I'm glad I made that decision.  

Have a good weekend!
May Allah reward you with abundance of goodness :)

"It makes no difference how many peaks you reach if there was no pleasure in the climb.” 
Oprah Winfrey

Sunday, September 1, 2013

bad dreams

There are 2 occasions where I have actually instantly realized that I have been 'tempted' by the Syaitan. 

One, was on an early morning after my break-up. 

I was text messaging my ex-boyfriend, asking him why he wasn't sleeping yet when I saw that he has posted some sad videos on Facebook (stupid thing to do, I know. i hated myself for that). After done messaging, I went back to sleep, waking up a few hours later, with my phone by my pillow and recurring words in my head with him saying, "I still sayang you." I believed that it was real at first, it sounded so real, that he has actually called me on my phone to say that, but knowing him, and how damaged I was at that point of time, I dismissed it immediately, concluding that it was evidently the work of Syaitan, which will do whatever it takes to divert our faith especially in times when you are so vulnerable, like how I was.

Second, was just now, when I was taking a nap in the living room. 
Was so tired from 2 week's worth of running here and there. Nearly fell asleep on the wheels several times last night after a late event, so I took a nap.

I had a bad dream. I was driving, and on the passenger seat was a guy I sort of admired. Okay, a guy I look up to. As I was driving, he suddenly touched my hand, took it and held it in his. At first I was so shocked, because firstly, he is of a pious background and I know in real life, he wouldn't be doing that. Secondly, because doing that means, I would be breaking my vows and that's something I stand by, strongly. And then, in my dream, I was starting to enjoy the moment, while thinking in my head, 'You used to hold hands with your boyfriend, what are you afraid of this time?'  And then, I suddenly snapped out of it, scolding myself in my head, saying, "This is not you." That was when I started to open my eyes. Weird thing is, I could still feel the hands holding mine. I opened my eyes, saw and felt the fingers intertwined with mine, that I started to think, "I don't have any guests at home this weekend. Who is in the house with me at that time?" Bearing in mind that this might be some sort of disturbance, I started to recite the Qursi verses in my head. Slowly the image of the hand disappears, but I could still feel the tug. The harder I recite, the stronger it tugged (I can't move my body at the time, it was numb), until at last it let go. 


It was so real, it made me realize the things they can do to you, by using whatever means. 

Crazy, man. 

Dear Allah, please deliver us away from all things harmful and evil.