Sunday, September 1, 2013

bad dreams

There are 2 occasions where I have actually instantly realized that I have been 'tempted' by the Syaitan. 

One, was on an early morning after my break-up. 

I was text messaging my ex-boyfriend, asking him why he wasn't sleeping yet when I saw that he has posted some sad videos on Facebook (stupid thing to do, I know. i hated myself for that). After done messaging, I went back to sleep, waking up a few hours later, with my phone by my pillow and recurring words in my head with him saying, "I still sayang you." I believed that it was real at first, it sounded so real, that he has actually called me on my phone to say that, but knowing him, and how damaged I was at that point of time, I dismissed it immediately, concluding that it was evidently the work of Syaitan, which will do whatever it takes to divert our faith especially in times when you are so vulnerable, like how I was.

Second, was just now, when I was taking a nap in the living room. 
Was so tired from 2 week's worth of running here and there. Nearly fell asleep on the wheels several times last night after a late event, so I took a nap.

I had a bad dream. I was driving, and on the passenger seat was a guy I sort of admired. Okay, a guy I look up to. As I was driving, he suddenly touched my hand, took it and held it in his. At first I was so shocked, because firstly, he is of a pious background and I know in real life, he wouldn't be doing that. Secondly, because doing that means, I would be breaking my vows and that's something I stand by, strongly. And then, in my dream, I was starting to enjoy the moment, while thinking in my head, 'You used to hold hands with your boyfriend, what are you afraid of this time?'  And then, I suddenly snapped out of it, scolding myself in my head, saying, "This is not you." That was when I started to open my eyes. Weird thing is, I could still feel the hands holding mine. I opened my eyes, saw and felt the fingers intertwined with mine, that I started to think, "I don't have any guests at home this weekend. Who is in the house with me at that time?" Bearing in mind that this might be some sort of disturbance, I started to recite the Qursi verses in my head. Slowly the image of the hand disappears, but I could still feel the tug. The harder I recite, the stronger it tugged (I can't move my body at the time, it was numb), until at last it let go. 


It was so real, it made me realize the things they can do to you, by using whatever means. 

Crazy, man. 

Dear Allah, please deliver us away from all things harmful and evil. 

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