Sunday, December 21, 2014

you ready?

Sometimes I wonder, when youngsters talk about marriage, or rather, about getting married, do they really know what they're in for? Weddings and marriage are two very separate entities.Yes, of course talking about weddings is exciting. Weddings are beautiful, yes they are, no doubt. And when one person does it, and then another, and then another, of course this will add on to the excitement of going through the same road. 

Starting on that journey is easy. But to sustain it? 

Can you handle it if he has to go off for work for months without seeing each other? How do you handle it if a co-worker of his flirts with him? Do you go berserk? How do you maintain your composure? How patient can you go? How do you love that worst part of him without trying to change him?  

What do you do if there is change of hearts? How do you sustain the same feeling you had when you first got married to him? What do you do to sustain it? How far can you sustain it? 

Are you strong enough?

Or do you resort to divorce?

My child, life is not a bed of roses. Some things are so easy to say out, because you are only projecting the good part of it. You are only picturing the beautiful part of marriage. There are 2 sides to everything; the lovely side and the not-so-lovely side. Are the both of you ready to go through both sides together? 

You need to know what are your responsibilities. What do you answer to God if those under your care goes astray? 

I'm not against youngsters getting married early. Of course the popular reason would be to keep away from inappropriate behaviors. But please, please, learn your responsibilities. Go to classes, seek advice from the elders. Learn from your parents. Can you be half as strong as they are? 

If you are still teaching others to hate, or still not treating your parents right,  I don't think you are quite ready to get married yet, let alone become a parent on your own. 

Just my 2 cents. 

By the way, I have been greatly inspired by a lady called Fynn Jamal, a poet/singer/song-writer. I have only started following her on Instagram since probably 2 months ago and I've fallen in love with what she's made of. I'll be talking more about her in my next posts and share some of her poetry or inspirational posts on her Instagram account, fynnjamal. 

Saturday, November 22, 2014

how i got my phone back

Sometimes I amuse myself (in a bengong kind of way of course, hoho). 

I've not been on smartphone for a whole month, you see, due to some OS/system issue thingamajig. And my fault la because instead of sending it straight to the service centre, I sent it for repair at one of the shops instead (my phone is still under warranty). The guys in the shop pulak, the type who suka main2. I get it, they're just guys but well :(

Everytime I call or go to the shop to ask about my phone update, they will say next week, next Friday, next Wednesday. So with each visit, I will become frustrated, in addition to their lots of talk and lame excuses. And I'm not the kind who layan excuses and I'm not exactly patient myself (sabar is so hard did I tell you?) After a month, last Wednesday I called them up for the umpteenth time and they asked me to call back on Friday to check if the 'office boy' from the service centre has delivered the phone back to them that day. On Friday morning, I called them up and they confirmed that my phone is ready for pick-up. My Friday was a bliss, work was good, people were joyful, weather was superb, the drive back from work was amazing, and even the car infront of me paid for my toll alhamdulillah, may Allah bless him/her.

When I reached the store and they asked for receipt, I panicked. I didn't bring it. Actually I lost it. So they said, "takde resit, tak boleh amik." I searched high and low in my bag and purse, confirmed, I lost it. So they said, there's another procedure to go through if I didn't have my receipt with me, because according to them, there have been many cases where other people has been taking phones on behalf of the owner, but turned out that they were cheating. The other procedure will be to come back to the store the next day yada-yada. By that time, I was already feeling angry and some more frustrated inside.  I raised my voice, "But the phone memang I punya. I waited a month for this."

I know it is my fault for losing the receipt but I was hoping for them to just release the phone already since I've been going to their store every week just to get updates. They kept on saying no, and I turned my back, looking at the phone cover display on the wall. I was actually restraining my anger. Next thing I knew, tears were already streaming down my face, and I was wiping them off. In the background, one of the salesman talked to the Supervisor in Chinese, "What was the matter? Just give her the phone la." Probably seeing that I was already crying. 

"So macamana? U datang esok ok." the Supervisor said. I turned to him, tears still streaming down my face. "Alamak, you tak payah nangis la. Macam ni pun mau nangis ka," he asked. I wanted to scream, I WAITED A WHOLE MONTH AND CHECKING UP EVERY WEEK FOR UPDATES ENDING UP IN FRUSTRATION EVERY TIME, NOW YOU'RE ASKING ME TO GO THERE AGAIN THE NEXT DAY? 

Drama kan?

But I didn't say that la. I kept quiet. He took the phone from their cabinet and flipped through their invoice, looking for my name. "You sign sini and letak no IC" Still keeping quiet, I signed. "Kalau ada apa-apa nanti still rosak, you datang balik sini tau." In my heart, I was saying 'No Way!'. I think I smiled a little, that 'Yeah right." kinda smile, you know. Lol. 

I must have make it to their rare (read : emo) customer list. Well, at least now I have my smartphone, yay! (nampak tak how important it is to my daily activities.. hoho) It is a need, not a luxury!

Life is now back to normal. 

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

mirror, mirror

"Ko tau kan beb, aku rasa kan, memang Allah memang nak bagi the best person untuk kita," she started the conversation.
I raised my eyebrows, encouraging her to elaborate.

"Aku tengok aku yang dulu, and the person I'm with dulu, sebenarnya we mirror each other." 

Interesting point, I thought. 

She continued, "And lepas berhijrah, relationship first aku lepas tu, is dengan 'A', which is I think the best person.. sebab dia semuanya baik for me. Agama pun ok. First time dating kat masjid."

I asked her, "Sape yang ajak dating kat masjid?"

"Dia yang ajak." She answered smiling, and continued, "Tu lah kan, dia sebenarnya baik. Perfect. Cuma, dia MIA je lepas tu."

I've never met 'A' but I've seen his photo and heard about their story. They were match-made by mutual friends. Nice-looking decent guy, perfect for this friend of mine. Kalau dah jodoh, ada lah tu nanti, I consoled her. 

But really, interesting point kan. The better we become, the better person (spouse) Allah gives us, masyaAllah. He is Maha Penyayang indeed. So, what we thought was the best for us, actually Allah takes them away because He wants to give someone better because who knows us better than the One who created us :') We shall be blessed with a spouse mirroring ourselves, insyaAllah. This reminded me of the infamous Justin Timberlake song, Mirror, which actually was one of my 'consoling' song when I was going through my break-up. I used it to console myself, telling myself that I'm better than this and that my other half should also reflect the best part of me. 

Your other half shouldn't complete you, because essentially you are a whole by yourself. Your other half should complement you. Yes, like a mirror, you reflect upon each other, and that is where you see each other's strengths and weaknesses. You see them in your spouse. That is where you kind of do your own tweaking, adapting, accepting and you know, just loving everything about each other, even the not-so-nice stuffs. 

Have you found your mirror?

Saturday, November 15, 2014

kerana yang indah itu ada pada hati yang bersyukur

A quick one before I start the weekend chores and all. 

Last Saturday I gave a surprise small birthday celebration to one of my bestfriend. Her birthday is not due til a few days later but what more surprising than to have it in advance kan?

Normally on Saturdays, we will have our lunch and Zuhur together at the masjid before starting our classes. So this time around, I specifically suggested 'nak makan kat tempat yang ada kek'. Lol. She had no idea. 

Since time was a bit limited for a special lunch, so we had early dinner instead and settled with Plan B at Publika. After ordering and choosing the kinda over-rated 'Red Velvet' as our dessert (lo and behold, I have  finally found the BEST Red Velvet cake EVER), I presented her with a card with just her name on it. She was surprised and kept on asking, "Eh Amy, wedding invitation ke ape ni? Tak bagitau punnnn." 

There I was already all smiling and goofy. 

Right when she opened the card, I handed her the paperbag in which I've put her birthday present. She took it calmly and just when she was about to retrieve the gift, in the background, the song 'Happy Birthday' was being played. We both stared at each other and I said, 'No, I didn't ask them to do that.'

LOL. I swear!

And since both of us are exceptionally shy, we just shrugged it off, telling ourselves that the song was for someone else in the restaurant (in the end, actually it was for her, the waiters/waitresses were grinning from ear to ear looking at us, haha).  

I thank God immensely for putting her in my life, for helping me get back to the deen and most importantly, for never giving up on me. She was one of the very few people I messaged early in the morning one day, telling that I'm going to wear hijab for the very first time in public that day, and that feeling, you know, priceless. No words to describe. Same goes to our friendship, no words to sum it all up. Because when you do it for the sake of the Lord of the worlds, only you know how much any gesture, any decision, any feeling means, especially when it causes a stir in your heart, knowing how much love you have for Him, that includes all of His creations, and how much MORE love He has for you. 

Have a good weekend, folks!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

epitome of happiness

A friend shared this yesterday and how this described a portion of my past so perfectly. 

Love makes us... a lot of things. It can make us better or worse. Love is also so vulnerable that someone can get inside of us and messes us up so bad. 

Such delicate hearts we have. 

This reminded me of something the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said.

"Surely, the heart of the son of Adam turns over and over more than a pot of boiling water."

We have changes of heart every single minute. One minute we're feeling super determined, the next minute we're feeling down, for He is the Turner of our hearts. 

Prof Muhaya reminds us all the time, "Hati kita berada dalam genggaman Allah." 

Whatever wordly things that we are trying to chase, a big house, a great career, getting that perfect spouse, a grand wedding, all of those will never make us happy eternally if our hearts are not with our Creator. 
Most of us think that happiness lies in finally getting married, for example. It is not. These are all just tools to bring us closer to Him. Subhanallah, how great is He.

There's a hadith that describes our heart so perfectly.

"There is in the body a clump of flesh - if it becomes good, the whole body becomes good, and if it becomes bad, the whole body becomes bad. And indeed, it is the heart. "

I'm thankful for the people that Allah sent on my path to bring me back to the deen, the feel the beauty of His love in everything and every person and to teach me that whatever that He has destined for me is actually molding myself, my heart to be the kind of people He is pleased with, insyaAllah.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

let's date!

"Go out and date," said the aunty. 
"I've given your number to this teacher at my workplace. He will message you. Who knows he is your jodoh."


A few weeks after the incident.

"He is shy. That's why he hasn't messaged. Here, take his number and message him. Just do it. Who knows he is your jodoh."


Me? Initiating a move? So not me. Not at all. 

This has happened quite a few times (initiated by relatives and friends every time) and most of the time, when the guy has gotten hold of my number, they are afraid to make the next move. Why oh why, dear men? The only time I made the first move was during the last relationship, which, by the way, turned disastrous. But that was so last season, so let's not talk about that now, shall we? :P

I think it is time to date (again), but there is no candidate, so how now, brown cow? 

Sometimes, yes, I do miss going on dates. Having someone special to share your day-to-day stories, to manja with, to go watch movies with, to pamper and be pampered, to flirt with, to try out new makan place with, to make fun of, to take care, to be sweet and nice to, just cause. Man, there are many things I miss doing, with a partner. 

My girlfriend and I were talking about this today. Pretty much pouring out our insecurities over the reasons (why we have not met The One, so to speak) and on what should we do about it etc (in which case, we don't really know what to do). It is hard to find a decent man. If he is good, he is already taken. That is always the case, sadly. 

I know that God is perfect in His timing. We probably have not done much effort on our parts, maybe. And after a series of disappointments, I'm probably still feeling a bit insecure. That, I need to let go. Let it goooo.. Yes, I need to let it go. And find that man. That kind-hearted, gentle and loving man, who will love me for who I was and who I am. Who will continue to seek God's love through the family he is responsible for. 

Okay, I'm ready to take the plunge. Again.

Pray for me? 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

my aglio olio story

Super sleepy! 
But I just need to mark one achievement of mine today :D

I was so inspired by Gordon Ramsay's Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner slot last weekend, where he has prepared 3 sets of meals complete with desserts and one of the meals happen to be my favourite - Aglio Olio Spaghetti! Kinda weird that I never thought of trying to cook it on my own (until today).

Aglio Olio has been my favourite kind of spaghetti since I ate the best at Italiannies years ago. Unfortunately, as they say all good things must come to an end and sadly, the quality and yumminess of their Aglio has deteriorated over the years :(

Anyways, I was so in the mood for cooking today so I bought capsicum, tomatoes and chilli flakes at Jaya Grocer and rushed back home. I've got the rest of the ingredients at home (being a BIG fan of spaghetti :))  )

Chopped, boiled, drained, stir-fried, deep fried.


My aglio was kind of a vegetarian spaghetti, you can say. Hehe (minus the frankfurter though). The next time around I'll throw in some olives. Yummm..everything, was my favourite. To side the pasta, I've prepared some simple marinated fried chicken (also inspired from the same show). Should've put in some paprika powder or curry leaves into the marinate for that extra umph but never mind, there is always next time, insyaAllah. 

Voila, there you go!

Have set aside some for tomorrow's breakfast as well :P 

So what's next on the menu huh? ;)

Sunday, September 28, 2014

keep the faith

Have you ever wanted and prayed for something so so bad? You think you've done everything there is to do just to get that one thing, only to be disappointed in the end. 

When I was in my previous job, work was everything to me. Stayed long hours for months, did projects and migration, managed people, streamlining processes yada2. I loved what I was doing because I have wonderful colleagues , the pay was good and I knew I was doing an amazing job. 5 years at the company, attended 3 interviews for promotions which had 95% chance of me getting promoted based on my capabilities, only to find out that "Your interview was exceptionally good but we had to promote the senior one first."

You know, that kind of disappointment?

This time, I am going through the same, except that this time it's not about work. It is about life. You know, sometimes, we think we have done everything to get what we want. But when we don't get what we pray for straightaway, we start to blame God on it. I don't blame God, though, I am blaming myself and looking for what is it I have done or haven't, so I can finally get what I want. But I was having doubts about His promises. That shouldn't happen, I shouldn't think that. Felt like smacking off those syaitonnirajim for putting those doubts in my heart. 

Last Thursday, during usrah, each of us shared a verse from the Quran and shared their reflection based on our own understanding. Some shared 'popular' verse and surah like surah al-Asr (about how precious and limited time is and how we are often use our time on duniawi things and only spared the 'leftover' time to Allah i.e "Still ada masa lagi ni, baru sempat nak buat solat."), surah ar-Rahman on that 1 verse repeated 31 times in the surah (the verse is, "Which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?", basically a reminder on the many, many rezeki that He has given us but we still choose not to believe, also one of my favourite surah :) ), surah al-Baqarah verse 45 on having patience and pray (coincidentally my granduncle was advising the same to us in the car 2 weeks back, he said, bad or good, ask only from Him, do not seek elsewhere, ask and sujud) and surah ali Imran verse 185 on every living thing will surely taste death.

One of us shared a verse from surah Taha verse 132 ("Kami tidak meminta rezeki daripadamu bahkan Kamilah yang memberi rezeki kepadamu.") Nearly made me cry because when she explained on her reflection, it hit me on the spot. Right on the spot. A few years back, she was a workaholic and had very little time spent with the Creator, doing just the basic like the 5 obligatory prayers, fasting in Ramadhan and totally missing out on terawikh prayers. In the end she realized that the more money she got, the faster she lost them as well, like there is no barakah in her rezeki. And then, she started prioritizing Allah in her daily life. Things start to change since then. Back to my point about having doubts on His promise (and smacking off that evil devil), that reflection sort of put an end to this dilemma that I am having.


Yesterday morning I read this status in Facebook which sort of seconded the answer that I was looking for. Read on please :)

Allah tahu apa dan bila masa yang terbaik.

Be patient, Weina, your time will come, insyaAllah. 

You go girl.

Monday, September 22, 2014


Ya Rabb.

You have placed me in a place I don't deserve. Not after what I have done to myself and what haven't I done for You. I'm not worthy of the chances that You have given me again and again. 

Subhanallah, how forgiving You are. I wish I could redeem back the years that I had without having You in my thoughts and actions and I regret them terribly. I am not worthy of those chances. 

al-Jabbar, the Mender. 

You have mended me and paved my path back to how it should have been. You have given me a strong heart like what I've always prayed for since that first day. You have brought some special people to be with me in this journey and we learn so much from each other.

You have given me a stir in this heart everytime I witness Your Greatness in the rotation of night and day, the perfect cycle of life for human and creatures of the earth, the beautiful sunset, in life itself, in watching my little nieces and nephews grow, in embracing the way my parents grow old and are still fond of each other. I have watched how You distribute your sustenance in such ways that we are never left without any food on the table, on any given day. 

You have shown me how wrong I was, the wrong company I was in, and the wrong path that I was about to take. And You saved me. 

You have taken away things from me so that I would think and understand. 
Think and read. Not to waste anymore time living in delusions. 

Today I might have caught a glimpse of my future but I was so scared and hesitant to take it up. Everything is so vulnerable and so temporary that I was scared. 

If it is meant to be for me, it will come. Like how I have been putting my entire trust in You for what is going happen and what is not. 


Dunya oh dunya. You pulled me in again and made everything seemed sensible. 

You, cunning, you.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

the ugly truth

You know how we say we don't want to do something anymore (i.e procrastinate, dwell and stuff) but somehow we end up doing it anyway? 

This morning I was watching the movie 'The Ugly Truth' and sort of regretted it. I enjoyed it actually (everytime I watch it) but sometimes something about a movie storyline reminds you of your past, you get what I mean?

So after watching this movie, I sort of miss the part where the boyfriend goes to you to just check up on you and see if everything is ok, just because you are not your usual cheerful self that day and he was just beside you since morning. Yeah, I miss that part. That checking up on me thing. Haish. 

Oh well. Stuff happens.

That's the ugly truth. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

measure of a man

The best thing about talking to God (for me that includes a lot of asking, questioning, tantruming if there's such a word, complaining) is when you get the most perfect answer, in the end. 

I didn't have a good Friday last week and after getting off work, I was sooo glad the day was over, and vowed to just sleep over the weekend (which didn't really happen). 

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed that night and came across this, describing my day perfectly, and in a way, sort of memujuk my hati yang gundah gulana at that time. 

Sometimes I think this world is full of ungrateful people. Ungrateful because they never look at what is in their plates and instead look at what they DON'T have, thus having this mentality that no one shall ever be above them, in terms of anything. So they victimize others through their devious ways. Funny thing is, most of them are people of faith! Mannnn. What is this?!? How do they do that? They claim to be people of faith but they back bite? They have faith but spread rumors? They have faith but practice black magic? I seriously don't get this. 

Yes, I always remind myself that whatever ish that's being thrown at me, I have Allah. If I lose because of my stand (in faith and its principles), so be it. This is not my time yet, that this vulnerable self is not meant for the people of this world. It is meant for the next life. So let them be, let them walk all over me, let them have their ways. Let them judge me based on their assumptions. Only Allah knows what is in my heart and what I really do and why I do it. I probably need to do more self-reflect. I don't know.  

I used to hear Professor Muhaya talking about self-reflecting all the time. That what you give out is what you will get. If you give more money, money will come to you. That if you share more love and compassion, you will in return get more. I just realize how true this is. I'm thankful that I'm surrounded by a lot of good friends  in the office who always come by my place to just say hi and have small talks. I really, really appreciate that a lot. I've always believed that good friends is a form of rezeki. Anyways, some people in the office ask me, how did I know so many people and have so many friends? I really don't know. Just be a good friend, I guess, but of course, I didn't tell them that. How do you expect to have a friend when you backbite, degrade and look down on others all the time? How will all of that give others a good vibe? Man, I don't know. I'm not a saint and all of my advices/stories that I share on social medias including those I write in this blog goes first and foremost to myself. As a reminder because I go out of the path all the time and I see faults in others like I didn't have them in myself. I'm trying and I struggle, but of course, people don't see that. It's so true that we can say we are people of faith, that we go and pray in our mosques/churches/temples all the time, that we search for spiritual knowledge from lectures and seminars etc, that we fast to retain our desires etc but what really, really, actually matters is just one thing. 

The condition of your heart. 

Which only God will be able to see. There's this quote I love from one of the 'Inspiration' series by Muhammed Zeyara and Shaykh Omar Suleiman in Youtube. 

"Isn't it amazing that the ultimate measure of a man in the sight of God is the one thing that can't be seen by anyone else?"

Sunday, July 27, 2014

hubby and coffee

Was walking back from the Ramadhan bazaar today when I saw a shop signage and did a double take. 

It says "Hubby and Coffee"

Or so I thought. 

It was actually "Hobby and Coffee". 


Kat situ jugak I gelak and shook my head. Imagine if you could actually SHOP for a husband (AND have a refund policy in place :P )

Monday, July 21, 2014

sago gula melaka

You know what I've been craving for, for the past few weeks?

Sago gula Melaka!
(a.k.a sago pudding ;) )

Here's how it looks like, credits to Google images

Or a fancier version of it

Haa.. the above version has got some colourings and garnishing.


Anyways, for the past few weeks I've been searching high and low for it at the Ramadhan bazaars, but surprisingly, no one sells them! I heard that it cools off the body and despite the heat that we've been facing since before Ramadhan, I couldn't find them sold anywhere, well, unless if I have them ordered at restaurants (read : Madam Kwan's). But, takkan la kan. Nanges la pergi Madam Kwan's just to order sago gula Melaka. 

So today, I nekad to make sago gula Melaka on my own. I saw a cooking show doing a demo on how to make one sometime last week, so I guess it's a sign that I should make one for myself :P Actually it was very simple. Heee. I just needed the little sago, santan (coconut milk), gula Melaka (palm sugar) and pandan leaves. You can get the step-by-step guide here. I ran out of pandan leaves in my house, so mine didn't smell as good as they should've been, but it's okay 'cos they taste awesome :)) Anything with santan is of course awesome la  >.<

That was what I had for my buka puasa, aside from Keknul's chocolate cake. Felt so contented that I finally get to make something that I love eating, on my own. I gotta start being busy in the kitchen la kan. Cooking might just be something I could fall in love with!


Sunday, July 13, 2014

to be a better person

If there is anything I did in my entire life that I regret deeply, the biggest thing would be living my adult life in ignorance and spending time entertaining and being entertained by worldly amazement. Living in sins. 



The chase for one thing after another; good grades, good income, good material possession, good boyfriend, good husband. 

Illusion that is crafted to deviate us servants from preparing ourselves from the only goal we need to chase and prepare for; the Judgement Day. 

My life was never about how to survive this illusion. Never.

Every time I think back about how I was before,  I feel so ashamed and so wasted. Sometimes I hate myself for that. The years that I could have done something good for others, the years that I could have build something for myself (and for my future family, insyaAllah). 

The years that I won't get back :'(

I just hope He forgives all of my sins. I have a lot of them. A lot :((

Please forgive me if I've offended any of you through my posts. I am still learning and trying to be a better version of myself, everyday.

I love Islam because of that. 
Because it makes me want to be a better person, every time. There's a verse in the Quran from surah al-Fajr that hit me recently. 

"O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing to Him" 89:27-28
"Kembalilah kepada Rabb (Tuhan) kamu dalam keadaan redha dan diredhai."

That is the bottom line. Everything that we do, our lifestyle, acts of worship, charity, how we treat others, how we react towards what others has done to us, how we react towards what God has destined for us, it has everything to do with our heart. 

Keep checking our heart and try to be better everyday. 
I hope we will meet in Jannah. 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

pray for humanity

Last night before I went to sleep, the last message that I read was, "Let's pray that by Subuh, Gaza is not attacked." Something along the line. 

I woke up this morning with images of lifeless bodies and basically a wrecked city (if it wasn't wrecked enough already).

I am so sad. I am so sad for those who have no one to defend them.

It breaks me even more that the things that I read on my social media this morning was mostly about Germany/Brazil/World Cup/last night's match. 

And I was so .. a bit pissed off. 

I have a lot of things I want to let out. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. 

Please pray for Gaza.

And for Rohingya, Palestine, Jordan, and for those who are deprived of their human rights. 

And also for those who mask their inhumanity and have the guts to brag to the world on their innocence. 

This world is twisted, man. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

what i want #4

God knows how much just discussing about spiritual knowledge gets me all excited inside. It is amazing reflecting on His beauty, the beauty of His creations, how perfect He places everything, at the right time, the right place. It is amazing learning the seerah of the Prophets, the companions. How much love they have in their hearts for Allah, how much respect they have for Prophet Muhammad, their strength, their perseverance, their faith. Amazing learning the wisdom behind every ritual, obligatory and the non-obligatory. Amazing learning how much opportunity Allah is giving us to redeem just to book a spot, or better still, build a castle in Jannah. How beautiful Jannah is, how horrible Jahannam is, what happens when the Dajjal comes, how does Nabi Yusuf really look like (some say Prophet Muhammad is way better-looking than he is, but let's just do more sincere good deeds so that we can compare them in Jannah, okay?)

Masyaallah, so amazing. You know. 

My bestfriend and I, we love talking about these too, praises to Allah for sending beautiful people to be my own angels on earth. Sometimes we'd just say out loud, "How I wish we have husbands who love to go to ilm talks/lectures as much as we do, kan?" (Angels, I hope you jotted down the hints and pass the message on to you-know-who :] )

So yes, this is what I want, no 4 
(the last one was in October last year, just to keep track :P )

Let's start to imagine. 

Imagine having a husband who gives you a bedtime story of the seerah of the Prophet, just before you go to bed. Or listen to him recite the verses of the Quran, and reflecting on their meanings. Listening with your little ones, being amazed at the same time. Imagine having a mini halaqah in your home, discussing different topics which makes you think and ponder. Imagine, for every single act that you do in your home, for example, tending to your cats, folding your clothes, taking out the trash, your husband will be relating those acts in accordance to how Prophet Muhammad does them. My, my, just imagine. 

Now you know why we want husbands who goes to ilm talks or better still, those who goes to pray congregational prayers in the mosques to also listen to the khutbah, right?   

Personally, I think this is what that is lacking in our society nowadays. We just go on with our lives without reflecting on how exactly should we do it, the sunnah, following the footsteps of the Prophet. To have a leader in the household who incorporates these in the daily routine is a HUGE blessing. He will either get you to hellfire or to paradise.  

I can only pray and prepare myself to be the best wife for whoever he is that He has destined for me. Trying my best! He is, no doubt, the best of planners and He knows what is best for us. And He is just, al-Adl. At the end of the day, we only get what we are worthy of. 

“Verily, We (Allah) have created all things in due measures.” 
Al-Qamar 54:49

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

if love becomes an instinct

This morning I watched a really beautiful video about a grandpa having Alzheimer who went missing, only to be found by 2 police officers, picking up flowers by the roadside. Turned out he was picking up flowers for his wife, whom he occasionally forgets. He has forgotten how they met, who proposed and most of everything that they had shared before. But as the beaming wife, Doris, said, the heart remembers what the brain forgets.  

The video ended with the commentator narrating a line, which struck me as pure genius!

Imagine what's possible when love becomes an instinct

Really, imagine that. Imagine what's possible when love becomes an instinct. An instinct! That's something that you'll do naturally, no judgement, no agendas whatever ish you call them nowadays. 

Imagine how many lives can be saved, how many kids get to have proper food, proper homes, for the chance to finally receive education. To have many parts of the world have a good leader who will fight and defend for the rights of their countrymen. To demolish wars and weapons. Oh my, imagine that.

It's something like what parents would have for their children, or a good husband for his wife. An instinct. They want only the best. The best development preparation, the best education, the best shelter, the best protection they can give, the best environment to live in.

Now what's missing in this lovely picture is the extension of such love, towards other human beings who do not have anything even remotely connected to us.

"What does it mean to love people we don't know, to see the value in every single person's life?"
John Legend's speech during the University of Pennsylvania's commencement ceremonies

These days, I would wake up to news of child abuse, child killings, child trafficking, child rape. And the worst thing is, in all of these reportings, there ARE witnesses around, most, too afraid to intervene. Now imagine if love becomes an instinct, you'd not even think twice, you'd not even THINK. You'd just go out and do it. Because it comes naturally to you.

What are we doing to stop all these nonsense? Are we on the path to put a stop to all these? Are we instilling the right values in our children? Or, like most, we choose not to care as long as it doesn't happen to us?

Well, shame on you.

Sometimes it tickles me that some people will go all out to defend their religion. You know, haram this, haram that, halal this and that. But they forget to defend the people whose rights are being abused. Like the orphans, like the elderly, the unfortunate families living on the streets. It is OUR responsibilities, our amanah. Just because we don't know them, that doesn't mean we can wash our hands off of our responsibilities.

The truth doesn't need to be defended, it will stand on its own.
But not these people.

There's a saying on the cover of a book written by an Indonesian writer. It says,
"Rumahlah surga sebelum surga"

Literally it means, home is heaven before heaven itself. Basically, what the writer is trying to say is, everything starts at home. What happens today is a result of the environment at home. Place children in good environment, like stem cells.

Ponder please, yes.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

ilmfest 2014 - see you there

Up until a year ago, I had absolutely no interest in going for any kind of religious talks, classes, let alone conferences. Those are just for, you know, old people, or those from sekolah agama, whatnots. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that they are like something you do as an extra activity outside of your daily life. There are millions more other things that I could do aside from attending those kind of events. Besides, there was no one inviting me or exposing me to them. 

I went to my first majlis ilmu or ilm talk in June last year, for Being Me (Muslimah Empowered) 2013 in PICC, Putrajaya. I blogged about it here. It was upon a suggestion by one of my bestfriends, Azlene, may Allah bless her, who had also volunteered for the event as one of the facilitators. I don't know what moved me to go, but thank God I did. It was a sisters-only conference, and I guess that made me feel a little bit confident of going. I remember sitting in the main hall and lecture halls alone because my friend was on duty, and I remember jotting down so many notes, some I couldn't even finish because it was like every single thing that the speakers were talking about was so precious. I stayed on until the very last program and left the event feeling somewhat refreshed and wanting for more. 

From then onwards, I tried grabbing every opportunity attending ilm talks that I could, even those held on weekdays, after office hours. The hikmah of switching teams from a UK team working from 3 pm to 12 am to a normal 9 am to 6 pm office hours team, which I didn't see coming, masyaallah. I wanted so much to learn more. Funny thing is, the more I learn, the more I realize that I have been missing out quite a lot :') 

They say, when you have good intentions, Allah will ease your paths for you. I find this very true because all of the times that I wanted to go for these talks, He has made the journeys so easy and pleasant for me, alhamdulillah. You know how the traffic is like after 6 pm especially in Petaling Jaya. I'd leave office at 6+ and the talks sometimes start at 7.30 on the other side of the town, and of course, I'd foresee getting stuck in traffic and missing the talks. But amazingly, He made it easy and there was no traffic congestion on the days that I had ilm talks to attend. How great is He! One time, the ticket to one of the conferences was sold out, but I managed to get one on the day itself, from one of the sisters whose friend wasn't able to attend. Subhanallah, He is so loving, I tell you. Sometimes I think that I do not deserve all that He has given me, but He keeps on giving me chances after chances. I wish I can see Him in the Hereafter, which is the greatest blessings for anyone who enters the best of heaven. 

I don't have a lot of followers on my blog (and I want to keep it that way, for now) but I'd like to invite you to attend one multi-scholar ilm conference this coming Saturday and Sunday, 17th - 18th May in PICC, Putrajaya. It's called 'Ilmfest 2014' and this will be its debut conference in Malaysia organised by alMaghrib Institute and iMuslim Academy, with a few other sponsors. This year's theme is about our Prophet Muhammad's journey, as a mercy to mankind. Now I'm sure you've heard of the Prophet, but do you know how he lived his life? His companions? His wives? His years of happiness and sadness? Why was he chosen as the last Prophet? The tickets are currently priced at RM250 each and RM300 for walk-ins. However, if you're a non-Muslim or a newly-reverted Muslim of less than 6 months, the tickets are FREE for you, thanks to our kind sponsors. 

If I were asked a year ago to share my opinion on the Prophet, I'd just say that he is just another leader in the Islamic history. Just another leader, pffft. That was how shallow I was. To love a person, you gotta know him. This is your chance. Please come to this conference and enlighten yourselves on why he is the mercy the mankind. Kind of big, isn't it? To the entire mankind. 

Do come. Please come. 

For more information, feel free to access

See you there :)

Friday, May 2, 2014

hello, baby girl!

Remember my niece born a new year baby this year? 
She's now a healthy bouncing baby of 4 months old, alhamdulillah.

These photos of her makes me sooooo geram. 

This is her at around 3+ month. Her first time using baby car seat. 
Muka clueless ni. Doesn't know what has she got herself into.

Hello, baby girl!

Baby girl screaming 'Nek Mokkkk!' to one of my aunts :) 
Yeah, her uncle is pretty creative, I must say.

Love you, baby girl <3 nbsp="">

Oh yeah, another cousin of mine has delivered a baby girl today (1st May), alhamdulillah!
So I've got 2 nieces born on the 1st, now. 

Having a baby girl as your firstborn is like getting a new bestfriend kan, ladies?
I hope my firstborn will be a baby girl also :P This special bond between mothers and daughters are masyallah, so beautiful. 

Having said that, of course, I'll accept whatever rezeki that He plans to bestow us upon :) 


Thursday, May 1, 2014

still the same me :)

If I could, I would jot down the journey I've taken since May last year, the people I meet, the things I read and found delight in, the lessons, the magical moment, the feeling, the serenity, the stir. Gosh, everything feels so magical and I wish they would stay with me, forever. I love writing these stuffs, but sometimes I can't really translate them into words, so at last, the ideas ended up just in my head, or in most cases, saved as drafts, until I don't know when :P So anything that I write, actually is from my personal experience and opinion, and doesn't necessary represent a label, a group etc. 

So, today, one of my girlfriends, again, imposed a few questions regarding my change.

"Why have you suddenly become so 'kuai', macam orang baik-baik, ni?"

"Are you liking what you are now?" Okay, whatever that means :P

"Are you happy?"

Yes, I am happy :) It doesn't show eh? haha.. 

She continued. 

"So you've changed because of that one incident. Those are not mistakes, those are lessons. I mean, if that fulfills you and you think that is what you are searching for, then it's okay."

I thought for a while and replied.

"Actually, I wasn't searching for it (faith). I just found it (without searching)."

Well, I hope that made sense. 

Yeah, I just found it without really searching for it. I was actually just looking for the answers to these 2 questions. Number 1, why did that happen to me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Number 2, what does getting married for the sake of Allah really mean? Which then led to the question of, if 2 people want to get married, it is between them both, where is Allah in this equation?

Boy, that question sounded pretty stupid now.

I'll probably write about those 2 questions in another entry because now I just want to highlight this conversation with my girlfriend that I had today in the office's pantry.

"You're just less adventurous nowadays. Look at Miss X. Girl, you used to be 'more fun'."

"I have changed, I know. In our life, at some point, we will come to that. We would just think that, yes, this is what I am searching for. But I have not abandoned you or our friendship, have I? I still go out with you guys. I'm still the same person. Still the same Amy. It's just that, like you said, nowadays, I go to these talks, classes but that doesn't change who I am with you guys." 

 You know, if I were to rewind my life, I never would have thought I'd have this conversation with my girlfriends. ANY one of them. 

Which is why when I meet these new people, or sometimes not so new people but they happen to be there with the same intention as you are, and to share that feeling. THAT feeling. Man, it is just out of this world. 

Allah loves us so much that for every hardship that you have to endure, He is actually saving you from something bad in the future that only He can see. And He is so great at forgiving, so forgiving, even when you think that you do not deserve His forgiveness. That's how much He loves us. 

Let's strive for His pleasure in the things we do. Big ones, like careers and marriage. 
Or small ones, like giving charity and treating people the right way. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

protect what i love

Have you noticed that as we grow old, there will only be this bunch of friends who really, really know who you are, even when you don't know that part of you, yourself?


You know, I have been isolating myself from most people for these past few months because I realize that some things are just not worth hanging onto. Some create drama, and while I used to enjoy or even join in the drama, at this age I'm at, I don't need them anymore. There's no room in my mind to accommodate all these useless things which will drain me of my energy, for sure. 

Try doing something your friends don't expect you to do. Go against something they don't expect you to do and see their reaction. Some people, when they don't get what they want from you, they can be mean. A side of them you have not seen. Even if they are your very own close friends you've known for years. 

A few months ago, I was in a stressful situation, work-wise and family-wise. All I wanted at that time was understanding friends. That's it. This bunch of girlfriends keep asking me out for a catch-up session. At that time I was super busy from one weekend to another and I kept on rejecting their 'dates' and they went berserk about it. Biasalah, ladies and drama (me included la). So, in the midst of all this chaos, another group of friends also tried to set a date with me, which I politely declined as well, knowing my December schedule. But they were persistent and what they did next touched my heart deeply. This bunch of guy friends who work in the heart of KL and stay in faraway places like Ampang and Klang, went all the way from KL to see me in Cyberjaya, on their public holiday (it was Christmas Day, I was still working), so that they can have dinner with me. So sweet! Super duper sweet. I mean, can't my girlfriends do that too? Can't they be as understanding as the guys? I mean, the girls, they are practically working in Cyberjaya as well! And I didn't even think of that brilliant idea pun. Ah, can I just have guyfriends instead of girlfriends now? Haha, just kidding. I love my girlfriends just the same.  

When 2014 came, I was still swarmed up at work and activities. The same set of girlfriends ask me out for their birthday celebration next month. April, May and June are my busiest month so I just told them the weeks that I will be free. To the dismay of some of them who replied that the date set was already in agreement with most of  them, so I said ok, I'll follow majority (i think this surprised them). By this time, I was so annoyed that they bothered to even ask which dates I am free, but I kept reminding myself to be calm and patient. which was SO TOUGH! No wonder sabar is half of your iman :S

Is it them? Or is it just me? Am I being sensitive? Like I said, at this age, I don't need this. I don't need drama, I don't need friends who say beautiful things about yourself to you just to back-bite you in the end, I don't need talks about the latest cosmetic they have in Sephora or how much discount I can get, I don't need to discuss about someone's backside in the office nor do I want to talk about why is Miss A getting married with someone younger than her. I don't need those things anymore. Those will only make me love the world more when all I want now, is to leave all those behind. I don't want to feel jealousy, envy, competitive, excitement over worldly matters, arrogance, hatred. I just want to clean myself from all those mess I've built over the years and getting rid of them probably require having to leave some of your girlfriends behind, but that's okay.

The things that I love now is going for talks and classes to gain beneficial knowledge which I can share and educate my brothers and sisters with. The things that don't only benefit us now, but also when we have passed. I love having discussions with some girlfriends who go to these classes as well and we share the things that we learnt or debate about them, which will elevate our knowledge insyaAllah. These things, they give you a calmness in your hearts which you won't get it elsewhere. It's a delight having some of your lifelong questions answered by just asking and seeking. 

My point is, I have no room in my heart or mind for petty things. That doesn't mean I don't have fun anymore, I do, but just differently I guess. Someone once said, if you love a person, you gotta protect what he/she loves. That include her faith, her hobbies, her passion.

I can't agree more. 

Monday, March 31, 2014

turning another number

I just cannot leave March without writing an entry, so here it is, a random one :)

March is a special month for me because ahem, it's the month that I was born in some decades ago, bahaha.

Spent a few days in Kuching with my loved ones.
My, my. I love them to bits.

Thank you for this, ya Allah :')

Here I quote an insight from a mother on motherhood during one of the ilm talks I attended last year. 

"In that huge heartache, there are still the joys in life, and they are the little things. And this made motherhood so much worth it."

The little joys in my life are made out of special people who are always watching over me, whether I realize it or not, and knowing that regardless whether I am wrong or right, they will be right there saying "It's okay."

Oh, Papa wasn't having a bad day. It's his signature photo pose :P

Sunday, February 23, 2014

human potential

Right now I'm supposed to be doing a research for a project BUT I miss blogging, I really do! Been quite occupied lately, which is good because 2014 is gonna be an awesome one, you bet. 

Some weeks ago I had 2 restless days thinking about an issue which I didn't know how to handle. I worried, threw tantrums (sorang2 in the room la), and heh, you know what? I fell sick and took MC the next day. Crazy right? I think prior to that I was already catching the flu and fever bug, plus I didn't really have proper sleep or rest. 

And then I asked Him.

I got my answer the next day while listening to radio channel, talking about human potential. I forgot who was the invited guest at that time but what he said answered exactly what I was so restless about. Well, it goes along the line of something like this. 

Manusia telah diciptakan sebaik-baik kejadian, so do not measure your capability against another human. Everyone's got potential, which you might already have known, or will know later in life. 

There, crystal clear. 

Talking about human potential, I gotta salute those who have/are using their God-given skills to give back to the community. I've got a friend who's doing graphic designing. He is currently attached to an Islamic educational institution, designing posters for the institution's da'awah missions. Also, this used-to-be really popular local R&B sensation who are now going around the nation on their maulid quests. Never mind what take people has on maulids. I used to be their groupie back then tau. Subhanallah for this transformation :) Recently, one of my nephews showed me an application called myMasjid (or something like that) which he and his friends built. Besides the usual calling of the prayer (adzan) function, the application can also locate the nearest mosque for you, has a built-in compass and another function I can't recall. I mean, how great is that, masyaallah!

I came accross a phrase from the Quran  (28:77)  yesterday which fits the above situations perfectly. 

But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter; and [yet], do not forget your share of the world. And do good as Allah has done good to you. And desire not corruption in the land. Indeed, Allah does not like corrupters.

or its Malay translation,

Dan carilah dengan apa yang Allah dianugerahkan kepadamu itu negeri akhirat, dan janganlah kamu melupakan bahagianmu daripada duniawi, dan berbuat baiklah sebagaimana Allah telah berbuat baik kepadamu, dan janganlah kamu berbuat kerosakan di bumi. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyukai orang yang berbuat kerosakan.

How apt kan? So, please give back to the community if you have the chance. You could change the life of others, or subconsciously, your own :) 

Thursday, January 30, 2014

happy news

Ikan di laut, asam di darat.
Dalam kuali bertemu jua.

Ever heard of that idiom?

Just now a colleague relayed a story of a friend who just tied the knot last week. I dengar their love story hati pun terus berbunga-bunga. Haha.. 

Last November, Linda, went to Armsterdam on one of her travel quest. Linda is one of those carefree I-just-wanna-spend-my-life-travelling-not-getting-married-yet kinda girl. When she got back, her friends tried to play cupid, match-making her with a Malay guy who, by their standards, is pretty decent, duaniawi and akhirat. Linda wasn't interested at first because firstly she was dating a mat salleh at that time. After much persuasion, she finally gave in, after doing istikarah etc. They dated a while, got engaged, just had their akad nikah last week and gonna do their reception this weekend.

I mean, this is Linda, who couldn't care less about having a wedding, let alone starting a family! And it all happened within a period of 3 months, masyaAllah. Kalau dah jodoh, they say ;)

I love their story because I think I can relate to Linda being carefree and not wanting to settle down that fast, and look at where she is now. Allah has given her someone who can guide her to Jannah. Betul lah, perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik :)

Couldn't help thinking am I baik enough already? How baik should I be? Or, have I ended up like this (still single) because of what I have done in the past? If so, what about those who are worse than I am? 

I know I shouldn't be thinking that at all. I am no angel, and definitely not better than another hamba Allah. I shouldn't judge as the rightful judge is Him, only Him. Hati lain-lain kan, only He knows what is in our hearts. 

In addition to this good news, I just found out that one of my ex is getting married in July. This is the ex from a couple of years ago, not the recent one. LOL. The only ex I've managed to stay friends with :) I am happy for him. I know he will make a great husband, and an even better father :) Looks like things are falling into place, alhamdulillah :') After all, He is the best of planners.

2014 so far has been good, and it's only January :) I know I'm a changed person now, and while some may not like how I am now, this is the path I choose to be.

I recently stumbled upon a word, husnuzon. It means having good thoughts of people and of His plans. 


Good night, have a pleasant sleep :)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

walk a mile.... in my shoes

You know, throughout this trying time of ours, one of the good thing that came out of it of which I am so proud of is how hard my brothers work and how unselfish they are in sharing and giving up their income to help the family. 

From young, we were blessed with abundance of rezeki that most of the time, we don't have to share anything because we could afford to have one each etc. Now that the tables have turned, I could see that at first it was very hard for us to get adjusted to this new 'lifestyle'. We had to ration our food, like, everyone can only get 1 piece of whatever food was on the table, eat canned sardines, KFC is considered a luxury etc. 

Now, my brothers are the biggest contributors to the family. The first one is always willing to help with the finance whenever the family needs it, the second one working full-time and sometimes part time too (he does banci at times. What is banci in English again? Big bucks too, ok) and is always trying to find out ways to generate income. This brother who used to be that one selfish sibling who wouldn't share anything with anyone. I'm so proud of you :') And the last brother, the youngest one, is still studying. When he gets his PTPTN loan, he gave most of it to my father to help finance the household. I'm so, so proud of you guys. 

So when someone, especially family members from the extended side, come to my mother asking why are we insufficient on cash when each of us are working, it breaks me. Because they don't and will never understand the plight that we are in, that each of us are in. I'm no fan of Rita Rudaini, the Malaysian actress who is fighting for nafkah for her kids since her divorce with the nation's footballer, but I agree completely when she said that "Hanya orang yang mempunyai anak saja yang tahu dan faham tentang perbelanjaan anak-anak." Or in other words, you gotta step into one's shoe to fully understand what they're going through and why they're doing what they do. 

I'm so proud of you, my brothers. We've gone a long, longgg way. I believe this is a test to prepare us for something bigger :) Nothing is ever a concidence, kan? 

I love you guys a whole lot. 

3 guys and 1 hot lady

Good-looking fellas at the recent maulid in DBP, Kuching


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

kain putih

Assalamualaikum abang2 and kakak2, aunties and uncles. 
I'm the latest addition to the Adeni family and I shall still remain nameless ;)

My niece, born on New Year, alhamdulillah. She looks exactly her mummy. Hehehe. I cannot wait to go back to Kuching to meet this munchkin. 

I'm sure you'll grow up gorgeous, baby girl. Yes! Another reason for me to buy more tutus!

On another note, last December while attending Twins of Faith 2013 Family Festival, there was this session for kids aged 5 and above called 'Play and Pray'. This session is particularly working as a nursery for kids as a means to facilitate and ease their parents who wish to go for talks and workshops throughout the day. But this ain't an ordinary cookies and milk nursery I tell ya. They actually teach kids the practices of Islam as a way of living. So on the way to one of the talks that day, I passed by that particular 'Play and Pray' hall and took a peek inside. Children were having a great time with their activities and one of the facilitator was asking them, "So who wants to be the imam for today's Zuhur prayer?" And almost all the kids were raising their hands. Mashaallah, if you can listen to what my heart was saying, it was actually shouting, "Wait? What? You guys are just tiny minions of 5 and you guys can confidently raise up your hands to lead a hall (of say about 100 kids) to pray?" Like, seriously? That alone, was like a slap in my face. Ko ado?

By the way, the Twins of Faith Family Festival is THE event of 2013 that I was soooo excited about. Was counting days for it. Organised by Mercy Mission Malaysia, its main objective is to bring in Muslim scholars from different parts of the world to give talks and to conduct workshops on different topics for the benefits of Muslims and non-Muslims who are interested to learn more about Islam. Besides talks and workshops, there were bazaars going on, a sisters corner for ehem, girly stuff (like pedicure manicure, spa treatment, sale of cosmetics), nursing rooms for mothers, a marriage corner (I heard this was such a hit), charity booths and charity drives and as mentioned earlier, a play and pray zone for kids. Everything about the event is beneficial for all ages so I do encourage you to come for this year's. It usually happens end of December :) Do come, I assure you a 2-day of knowledge you won't find anywhere else.

 The wonderful line-up of speakers for 2013

The treasure seekers :P

Kamal Saleh, the recent Youtube sensation for his rap on Islam

The best view