Monday, September 22, 2014

undeserving


Ya Rabb.

You have placed me in a place I don't deserve. Not after what I have done to myself and what haven't I done for You. I'm not worthy of the chances that You have given me again and again. 

Subhanallah, how forgiving You are. I wish I could redeem back the years that I had without having You in my thoughts and actions and I regret them terribly. I am not worthy of those chances. 

al-Jabbar, the Mender. 

You have mended me and paved my path back to how it should have been. You have given me a strong heart like what I've always prayed for since that first day. You have brought some special people to be with me in this journey and we learn so much from each other.

You have given me a stir in this heart everytime I witness Your Greatness in the rotation of night and day, the perfect cycle of life for human and creatures of the earth, the beautiful sunset, in life itself, in watching my little nieces and nephews grow, in embracing the way my parents grow old and are still fond of each other. I have watched how You distribute your sustenance in such ways that we are never left without any food on the table, on any given day. 

You have shown me how wrong I was, the wrong company I was in, and the wrong path that I was about to take. And You saved me. 

You have taken away things from me so that I would think and understand. 
Think and read. Not to waste anymore time living in delusions. 

Today I might have caught a glimpse of my future but I was so scared and hesitant to take it up. Everything is so vulnerable and so temporary that I was scared. 

If it is meant to be for me, it will come. Like how I have been putting my entire trust in You for what is going happen and what is not. 

InsyaAllah.  

Dunya oh dunya. You pulled me in again and made everything seemed sensible. 

You, cunning, you.

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