to be a better person

If there is anything I did in my entire life that I regret deeply, the biggest thing would be living my adult life in ignorance and spending time entertaining and being entertained by worldly amazement. Living in sins. 

Astaghfirullah. 

:'(((((

The chase for one thing after another; good grades, good income, good material possession, good boyfriend, good husband. 

Illusion that is crafted to deviate us servants from preparing ourselves from the only goal we need to chase and prepare for; the Judgement Day. 

My life was never about how to survive this illusion. Never.

Every time I think back about how I was before,  I feel so ashamed and so wasted. Sometimes I hate myself for that. The years that I could have done something good for others, the years that I could have build something for myself (and for my future family, insyaAllah). 

The years that I won't get back :'(

I just hope He forgives all of my sins. I have a lot of them. A lot :((

Please forgive me if I've offended any of you through my posts. I am still learning and trying to be a better version of myself, everyday.

I love Islam because of that. 

Because it makes me want to be a better person, every time. There's a verse in the Quran from surah al-Fajr that hit me recently. 

"O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing to Him" 89:27-28

"Kembalilah kepada Rabb (Tuhan) kamu dalam keadaan redha dan diredhai."

That is the bottom line. Everything that we do, our lifestyle, acts of worship, charity, how we treat others, how we react towards what others has done to us, how we react towards what God has destined for us, it has everything to do with our heart. 

Keep checking our heart and try to be better everyday. 

I hope we will meet in Jannah. 

Ameen.