Wednesday, August 1, 2012

searching for you

A couple of months ago, while eating dinner with my boss, I asked him something which I would normally ask my married friends. My boss is an ang moh, or mat salleh, as they are famously labelled by the locals, and it is widely known that most of ang mohs are open-minded and vocal about anything. Which was why I decided to ask him anyway. in

"G***, how did you know your wife is the person you wanted to marry?"

His answer was simple. 

"Well, with her, it felt right, and I can't imagine living my life without her."

It was indeed straight to the point, and sums up the answer right away. 

Some answers that I got from my married friends are,

"I guess it's when the flow of your relationship is smooth, no obstacles, no nothing"
" He makes me a better person."
"He is my best friend."
"You just know, you know"

Well, how do you just know? I mean, marriage is a big thing, and for you to finally choose the person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with is a pretty big deal. How do you make that decision? Or was it just a leap of faith?

Been searching for some ideas on the Net, and these are what I found. 

"The first time we met (while I was in the throes of one of those other infatuations), I wasn't all that interested in him. When I went to see him at Thanksgiving, however, something in my eyesight changed. Around him, I felt like I was home."

Agreed totally. I mean, that, for me, the ultimate sign! He/she has got to feel right, as if you belong together, like how you belong to your family. Like home. 

Now, on to point #2

"I think of it like this: in the past, even in relationships in which I thought of myself as happy, the thought of being with the same person in 20 years could make me a bit queasy with anxiety. I realized M_____ was right for me when the thought of being with her in 20 years filled me with contentment."

Keyword here, contentment. You should feel contented when you're with the one, no forcing, no pushing, just feeling calm and contented. There, I said contentment twice in one sentence. 

Point #3

"I've gone through life as a very happy person, but when I spend time with Mr. 26.2 I'm even happier, calmer and more relaxed. I can't say that I "knew" right away, but I knew that we were better together than apart. 

After years of complex relationships, being with the right man has been incredibly simple. It feels like the search is over, but it never feels like settling."

Awww.. isn't that sweet? Somewhat I felt a little de ja vu.

Okay, next point. 

When I found someone with whom I could totally be myself, without any reservations whatsoever, that's when I knew I'd found the one. 

Here's my example: I am cranky in the morning. And when you read that, you will think, 'Okay, sure, she's cranky, so is everyone' but I need to explain to you that this is my own very special brand of cranky. Every other guy I have ever been with has taken this as a personal condemnation against them, has stormed out of the house, has given me lecture after lecture, taken things said without coffee to be personal insults upon their very honor.

Mr. M. will just kiss me on the head and say, "It's so hard for you in the morning" and walk away. We usually laugh about it later. (He is not mr. wonderful in the morning either, and we generally just try to not speak at all.)

I have never been more *me* than I am with him. All of it, good and bad. Definitely bad. ESPECIALLY bad. It is easy to be your best self with someone you love but it is hard as heck to show the ripped seams.

Given these points, it already seem pretty simple. But actually, how will we ever know? What if we've reached the contentment stage, or the homey stage, does it really guarantee that we have actually found the one? The question still lingers. I guess I'm at that crossroad now and only time will reveal the truth. 

Taking some cues from my parents, whom I adore so much, they are not one of those couple who openly show their affection towards each other, but I can feel that they're really in love by the way they watch out for each other, how they are scared of losing each other and such. Sure, some things might tick them off, probably a trait, a habit, but they compromise and instead of letting that become an issue in their relationship, they actually embrace their flaws. 

I'm pretty much in a mushy mood now because I'm listening to Barbra Streisand's 'I've Finally Found Someone'. So romantic like that =)

Anyway, I know that nothing a prayer can't solve. He hears everything, every wish, every moan, every problem, and He guides you endlessly, even when you've at times not been a loyal servant of His. 

And my search for the definite answer continues. 

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