Saturday, February 5, 2011

Lashing out at ya

Dear God,

I guess this week is a hell of a week for me. Trying times, I should say. I might even swear in this blog entry. I mean, why is it when I thought everything's already settled, some kind of shit will emerge again and again, making my life miserable all over? Why can't some people take no for an answer? Why is it some people people tend to make promises but never stick to it in the end?

How do you deal with the past? Ok, let me re-phrase that scenario. Get this, I was down with fever, flu and cough since Monday (that's 5 days ago). The beau has gone for a week's holiday, promising to call. 4 days later, only 2 calls received. I gave 1 call back and what I got was a non-romantic harsh conversation which ended like 5 minutes later? Do I deserve that? So for a 4-day's worth of missing you, that's all I get? To top it all of, there's the case of the Ex, who have been calling me every single day, morning and night to ask how I'm doing because he knows I'm sick. I freakin' hate it because the one who should be calling is you, my beau, not him! And I hate it too when this mind started to weigh the pros and cons, I hate it because all I want is you.  

And you know what, it kinda scares me because it's either I'm going berserk or if faith alone could outweigh everything else. Before I was involved, I came to You for some assurance and You didn't disappoint me. I know I'm stronger than this, it's just that sometimes I just couldn't find the silver lining, you get what I mean. 

I despise this feeling that I have now. Or the fact that sometimes being independent doesn't always mean you have to keep everything inside. Hence, this lash out. I need my besties.

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