the money that was not for me

Last month I was broke, with the house-moving and all. A week before payday, all I had left in my bank account was less than RM100, and you and I know very well, it won't last until the next week. At that time, I was really, really hoping for miracles to happen. 

I remembered listening to Ikim.FM one day, where one muallaf was talking about the days he first became Muslim. Because of his decision, his family, friends and fiancee left him, leaving him with no money at all. So he prayed to Allah for some amount of money. The next day, some guy honked his car infront of the muallaf's house, asking if he was Mr-So-and-So. So, he said yes. And then the guy said, "I don't know why but I had a feeling that I have to give this envelope to you." And he left.

So the muallaf opened up the envelope and guess what, inside it is a sum of money with the exact amount that he had asked from Allah. Subhanallah, how great is that! Kalau Allah nak bagi petunjuk kat orang tu, Dia akan bagi je, kan?

So, based on that incident, I, too, prayed to Allah that night, for some sum of money, at least to last me a week. The next day, I withdrew what I thought was the last RM100 I had. And I requested for the printed receipt. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the balance that I had in my account. It was exactly the amount that I prayed for, from Allah last night! I felt chills down my spine, and had goosebumps all over my arm. I went into my car and had quite a hard time understanding what my friend was talking about at that time. I was distracted.

I relayed the whole incident to my brothers in our Whatsapp group, including the story of the muallaf. 

And now, I have extra money to spend until my payday. 

But then, Allah has better plans for the rezeki that He has put down at the eleventh hour for me. A few days after that, I was told by my brother that my grandma had just passed away, as per my previous blog entries. You see, that money that I prayed for, He gave them to me so that I could buy a flight ticket back to my kampung. So that I could see nenek for the last time. Nothing is ever a coincidence.

That money, was actually for nenek :'(

Subhanallah 

nek ijah (part 2)

PART 2

Reached my grandparents's house at approximately 9++pm. I walked through the sea of unfamiliar faces, looking for a familiar face. The first that I recognized was Nek Wa, my mom's mother, sitting outside with the rest of the elderly. We hugged and cried, not exchanging any words. And then, I walked into the house and saw a partition. Curtains drawn to cover the area and instantly I knew nenek was in there. I still couldn't see any familiar faces. Then, someone sitting down tugged me from behind. 

"Na...". 

It was Mok Mie, my aunt. I hugged her and we broke into uncontrollable sobs. I feel her. I feel her sadness. I love my Nek Ijah so much. I miss her. I've been missing her since before puasa. I've been dreaming about her, missing to hug her because the last time I saw her during my brother's wedding in February, I didn't really spend time with her. I've prayed to Allah that He gives all of us enough time to see, hug and ask for forgiveness from each other during Raya this year. I cried in my prayers, probably because Allah has given me the sense that we are running out of time. Allah loves her more.

We recited Yassin the whole night. Some of my aunts and uncles didn't even sleep.

The next morning, after sahur and congregational Subuh prayer, we got ready for mandi jenazah. I joined in with my aunties. My first time doing mandi jenazah. I wanted to do this for nenek. Ironically, a few months ago, I attended a jenazah course with Nadi Anissa. You see, there is a reason for everything, there is never a coincidence, subhanallah. Tears kept streaming down our faces. Once finished, each of us, her children and her grandchildren, took turn to kiss her. The last to kiss her was her husband, my grandpa, Nek Yan. Before he kissed her, he was sobbing like a child. I had never seen Nek Yan break down and seeing him like that made all of us cry more. Nek Ijah and Nek Yan always do things together, breakfast, solat, morning talks, going to the market, everything. They are so close to each other. To lose part of your life is heart-breaking. No wonder, sabar is half of our iman. To attain sabar is definitely hard work.


Nenek's body is carried out to the living room for solat jenazah and then, to the cemetery ts to be buried. It was a scorching hot day, as usual as Ramadhan is always a hot month, but it was windy and breezy, which eased the burial process. Alhamdulillah, Nek Ijah went in peace, in a holy month.


It has been 2 weeks since her demise. My dad is still in the kampung to accompany my grandpa. InsyaAllah I will be back just before Raya. Hopefully I can stay there a bit longer this time around.

May Allah grant the best of heaven for Nek Ijah and may Allah ease her journey to the Hereafter, ameen.


Return to your Lord, pleased, and well-pleasing (surah al-Fajr)

nek ijah (part 1)

         Assalamualaikum everyone. Above anything else, I would like to wish you a blessed Ramadhan. This is going to be a lengthy post I thought at first but I figured, oh well, let's just do them in parts.

So this is part 1.

PART 1

       Last Monday approximately around Zohor (noon) time, my beloved grandmother has been called to return to our Creator. She was my father's mother and the closest grandmother that I have. I was about to have my lunch break when I received a text from my brother informing me that Nek Ijah had passed away. I teared up instantly and requested from my boss to take time (and days) off. I went straight to the airport feeling heavy.

     Bought my ticket at the airport as online booking was off limits to flights with less than 4 hours of departure time. Flight was at 4:20pm and I left the office around 2pm. Was numb the entire journey. Reached Sibu at approximately 6:30pm. My dad and my cousin were already waiting for me at Sibu Airport. Broke our fast at the airport and continued our 2-hour journey by land to my beloved kampung.

To be continued.

Meanwhile, please include her in your doa, thank you so much.

change ourselves

Squeezing this in before my lazy mood takes over, again. 

So, I had brunch over the weekend with my girlfriends whom I see something like once a year, at The Red Bean Bag, Publika. We had gossip session over our egg benedicts, baked eggs, something called 'Sumo' which is a pan-fried salmon steak (yummy!) and a dessert called 'Skycrapers', basically a stack of fluffy pancakes topped with chocolate sauce and maple syrup, served with caramelized slices of bananas, blueberries and strawberries. Didn't take any photo as I didn't feel like it. I don't really take photos these days, I don't know why. Anyways, we moved to taking a stroll along the bazaar in Publika. A bazaar of mostly headscarves, kaftans, blouses, praying attires, quirky fruit juices (read : Apple Medley. Not too bad if you like lemongrass - or was it celery - in your drinks). Then, I stopped at a booth selling beautiful scarves. I stopped because the lady manning the booth was so familiar to me. So while she was explaining about the scarves that she sells, I interrupted her nicely and told her that she looked familiar. 

"You look familiar. I think I know you through some activities by Project Amal." I explained, and her eyes lit up. 

"Oh, was it the gelandangan (homeless) project?" 

"No, it was way back. The one with the kids from the orphanages, where we brought them to go buy books at the Big Bad Wolf book sale?" 

"Oh yeah. Yeah, that one." She smiled weakly and continued while touching the tudung she was wearing, "I haven't started wearing tudung at that time." And then, she took a step back, arranging the scarves on the table.

Man, Right there and then, I felt so bad bringing up the whole thing. I know how it feels when people talk about the time when I wasn't wearing my tudung yet. The J-days (Jahiliyah days, as my naqibah calls it :P). I still go through this and whenever people talk about those days, my heart sank. Just last week, my colleague emailed me a screenshot of my business profile photo that the company has put on our company website 3 years ago. Let's just say, I wasn't proud of the photo. I know how she felt, but I didn't mean to make her feel that way. And I didn't even say sorry :( I didn't know how to. It was so awkward. I felt sad. 

She was very different this time around. She was more humble, as opposed to 2 years ago. My impression of her then, was a snobby rich kid (dear God, please forgive me). Look how she turned out, alhamdulillah. May Allah protect her. He guides whom He wills kan? 

Allah teaches us in wonderful ways, like this one. So, when people judge others unfairly, it makes me sad because I know, those being judged CAN be better than those so-called 'judges', with God's will. Muslims calling non-Muslims as kafir. You know what, through experience yang tak seberapa ni, I can tell you that actually, some non-Muslims are MORE Muslims than the Muslim themselves and some Muslims are MORE kafir than the kafir themselves, if you get what I mean. After all, the ultimate purpose of us being created diversely is for us to get to know each other well, NOT to condemn/put down those who are not of the same skin-colour, beliefs, status etc. 

There's this saying by Marie Curie, 

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

With the crisis that are happening in the world (or in our very own country) right now, I suggest for us to do more reading and research, not just taking things at face value. Understand what is going on, why do things happen that way, instead of listening to the rumors (of those who refuse to understand). 

Please, and thank you.

mis(ter) chief

I received this message this morning. One of my nephew has finally had his dream came true. He is now a police inspector!

It made me so proud because it is his dream since he was a little boy, since I babysat him, and he is ALWAYS talking about being a police inspector. Now he's all grown up, married and finally got his dream job, alhamdulillah. I teared a little when I came to know about this because I know how hard it was at first for him and for his family to settle everything that has been going on in their lives. 

With every hardship, there is ease. (94:5-6)

And Allah is the Most Generous and the Most Loving.

you ready?

Sometimes I wonder, when youngsters talk about marriage, or rather, about getting married, do they really know what they're in for? Weddings and marriage are two very separate entities.Yes, of course talking about weddings is exciting. Weddings are beautiful, yes they are, no doubt. And when one person does it, and then another, and then another, of course this will add on to the excitement of going through the same road. 

Starting on that journey is easy. But to sustain it? 

Can you handle it if he has to go off for work for months without seeing each other? How do you handle it if a co-worker of his flirts with him? Do you go berserk? How do you maintain your composure? How patient can you go? How do you love that worst part of him without trying to change him?  

What do you do if there is change of hearts? How do you sustain the same feeling you had when you first got married to him? What do you do to sustain it? How far can you sustain it? 

Are you strong enough?

Or do you resort to divorce?

My child, life is not a bed of roses. Some things are so easy to say out, because you are only projecting the good part of it. You are only picturing the beautiful part of marriage. There are 2 sides to everything; the lovely side and the not-so-lovely side. Are the both of you ready to go through both sides together? 

You need to know what are your responsibilities. What do you answer to God if those under your care goes astray? 

I'm not against youngsters getting married early. Of course the popular reason would be to keep away from inappropriate behaviors. But please, please, learn your responsibilities. Go to classes, seek advice from the elders. Learn from your parents. Can you be half as strong as they are? 

If you are still teaching others to hate, or still not treating your parents right,  I don't think you are quite ready to get married yet, let alone become a parent on your own. 

Just my 2 cents. 

By the way, I have been greatly inspired by a lady called Fynn Jamal, a poet/singer/song-writer. I have only started following her on Instagram since probably 2 months ago and I've fallen in love with what she's made of. I'll be talking more about her in my next posts and share some of her poetry or inspirational posts on her Instagram account, fynnjamal.