ode to a bestie

I reached Tanah Perkuburan Islam Bukit Teratai, Ampang at around 6pm. 

Probably the longest drive ever, I feel. The only time I've complaint a lot during a drive. Why did they have to build bumps every 5 meters? Why don't they have alternative routes at this part of the town? Why don't they build a gas station on this side of the road so that I didn't have to make a U-turn just to fill up gas? Why don't all Petronas have CIMB ATMs? Why didn't I top-up my Touch'N'Go card earlier? Why why whyyyy?

When I finally drove into the cemetery's parking lot, there were a few cars parked inside. But the saddest thing is seeing our cars, the 4 of us parked side by side. Imran's car, Ummie's car, Hash's car. Thing is, it wasn't Hash who drove his car today. Because he was already buried 6 feet under just after Asar prayers that evening. I parked my car next to Hash's and made my way to the burial site.

I saw Ummie first. She was leaving the cemetery because she needed to get back to the office. We hugged and sobbed uncontrollably. I didn't have any words to say. "Ok beb, aku nak kene gerak dah ni.", she said. I walked weakly towards Imran who's still standing beside Hash's burial ground. He has been crying, too. There were not many people left and it was getting dark.

He told me that they did the jenazah prayers in Masjid Taman Kosas and buried the body straightaway. Everything happened so fast. But I was glad that Hash's journey into the next life was smooth and quick. And he passed away in this blessed Ramadhan month. Imran shared the time when he and Hash were discussing about my plans to leave KL for good this year and that he was so sad about it because he couldn't see much of me anymore. But he was the one who went away first :( We shared the travel plans that Hash had for us this year, an Australia adventure and a New Zealand road trip. At the back of my mind, I was imagining what will happen to our occasional gathering with no Hash around. Will we still be together? It won't be the same. 

We left the cemetery close to 7pm. 

There were lots of messages on my Whatsapp and Facebook about Hash's demise. But the one that I will remember most, from today, is from another friend of ours, N. She is part of our gang but she started to get busy starting end of last year so we didn't see much of her lately. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't seeing much of you guys lately. I've to attend some personal stuff. There's just to many to update you guys on. Work, life, loves.. And as you can see, I've chopped off my Rapunzel hair.. I wanted to get myself ready to wear tudung.. If you can do it, I can do it too, babe."  Right in the feels, man.

And then she said, "Look, why don't we berbuka together somewhere and then terawih." She struck my chord.

"Let's find someplace to berbuka" she continued.

"Or, we can berbuka in the masjid and then terawih after that," I said.

"Sounds like a good idea! Any masjid you nak pergi?"

After listing some beautiful masjids, N said, "Let's go visit Hash during Raya, recite some yassin"

I smiled. That is exactly what I have in mind for us this Raya.

She continued, "Babe, I have to stop 'berhuha' already. Dah terlebih tahun ni. I want to become a better Muslimah.I might need some help from you. "

Some time ago, I said the same thing. So I said, "Don't worry. When you decide to become better, Allah will send good people to guide you."

Alhamdulillah.

And, you know what came out from Hash's passing? I made 2 new friends who are friends of Hash's. I've never met nor talked to them before and we kept on updating each other on Hash's conditions prior to his passings. And we shared words of encouragement. 

Hash, you're no longer around but you still bring benefit to those around you. May Allah keep you safe, and may He put you in the best of Heavens. You're gone too soon. It was so fast. The last time we talked was by your hospital bed. You kept saying sakit.. sakit. I wish I had more time with you. I wish I had entertained your sometimes ridiculous requests on where to eat, 'cos you love eating and hanging out. Your dream wife and dream life, you shared with me. I wish we had more time.

Goodbye, buddy.

long night drives

There is something about long night drives that take the stress away. And it has been like that for me for years. I remember years ago when I was in staying in Seri Kembangan, nearly every Sunday night, I would go out of my house just to cruise around SK area, sometimes to get myself a cone of McD's ice-cream, sometimes just to drive around. But the feeling is such a serene feeling, made my sleeps better. Then I moved to Damansara, which is a pretty congested area even on weekdays. So I couldn't really continue my love for night drives because the traffic jams would make me even more stress! 

Sometime last year I moved to somewhere as peaceful as how Seri Kembangan was and I regained access to long drives again, woohoo! I actually just got back from grocery-shopping at Tesco to just get some fresh milk, juices and some woman-ly stuff :P And also to drive after a whole day at home. And uh, to get some McD's ice-cream and apple pie which I have been craving for months. Oh, by the way, next to where I stay, there is this big lake that is beside the main road, so am really, really loving this place.

After graduating my weekend classes (alhamdulillah!), now I have more ample time for myself to do what I like during the weekends, and for a few weeks now after the graduation, I kept thinking on what to do on weekends! Feels so weird :P 

I thought of taking up more physical kinda classes, like Aikido, for example. I used to take Tae-kwon-do lessons when I was in high school and I love it. I love the teamwork, the teachers, my team, the classes, everything. Sometimes we get invited to perform for some of the state's sports event like the launching of Rakan Muda (yeah, remember that?), and I love the ambiance of it all, the sweats, the rehearsals, the pride of wearing the Tae-kwon-do attire while carrying the national flags. Gosh, I miss those times and I miss having such a passion for something that I love, I miss being around those who have the same level of passion that I do, if not more. 

I have a few classes I really want to join this year to challenge my fitness level a little bit. Hehe.
How about you? Anything you haven't done that you really, really wanna do this year? 

jual tanah

Found this while scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook and this reminded me of my father.

A few months before my graduation day (years ago of course..hehe), I told my father about the convocation ceremony. To which he congratulated me and told me something I won't forget. 

"Papa is sorry because Papa can't afford the money to bring all of us there. Maybe Papa can jual the tanah here so we can all attend your convocation."

But Allah is Maha Kaya.

I was able to secure a job right after I finished studying and with that little money, they could all go to Penang to see their kakak graduate :')

Today, we still don't have much, but alhamdulillah, we still have each other ♥

of faith and food

After a longggg usrah hiatus, yesterday we were all united again talking about the 4 women who were promised Jannah. I'm not gonna go over them but just gonna share the lessons that I've learned. We have only started with Asiah, Firaun's wife,yesterday so here goes : 

That we will be tested with what we love most and the most dear to us. 

Say if we love our wealth a little bit too much, Allah will test us with our wealth, maybe lost of wealth or tested with abundance of wealth but we won't be thankful for it. Firaun was tested with his wealth. 

That Allah's protection is much more than a mother's protection. 

When Allah gave revelation for Prophet Musa to be placed in a basket and put into a river, Musa's mother confidently let him go into the river with tawakal and full faith that Musa will be in good hands. 

That what can block you from seeing the truth is arrogance. 

When Prophet Musa was born, he was blessed by Allah in a way that if anyone who looks at him, their hearts will be filled with love. Even the midwife who helped deliver Musa (and at the same time is also Firaun's 'spy') fell in love with the bundle of love and did not report his birth to Firaun. But Firaun didn't have any love for Musa at all because of his arrogance.

That we should continue learning our deen even if our spouses are not doing the same.

Nowadays, usually it is the women who go to majlis ilmu or majlis agama. The number of men most of the time doesn't even reach half of the female audience, so some wives are actually complaining that it is them who are always on their feet trying to better themselves whilst their husband prefer to stay at home. However, Allah shows that Asiah has a tyrant husband but she never complains.

That it is easy to associate a person with what is shown on social media.

Don't judge anyone outwardly. Don't have opinion on anything. She might be hiding her faith in her heart.

And the one I love the most is this one.

That you can be strong with Allah despite whatever that you go through.

When my naqibah (the sister who leads the usrah) was in Yemen, she had to wear the niqab because that is what everyone is wearing. But when she wears the niqab, it feels as if she is alone with Allah, that she can freely do zikir whenever and wherever she wants because her face is covered, so people won't say she is crazy per se for talking or chanting to herself. And even if she smirks or do all kinds of facial expressions, others won't be able to see it so it is sort of an escapism from things that can bring trouble to her. She will only need to answer to Allah. I was like wow, I never thought of it that way. But it doesn't mean that I'm gonna wear just the same okay? Not yet, long way to go. Not sure if I can even go there :P

The end :)

I had an off day today and decided to go and try out that Cronut from Dotty's that everyone is raving about in Instagram. Go search! Hehe. I dragged my partner-in-crime along, my bestfriend, Mimi.

Here you go. 

This Salted Egg Yolk Cronut is priced at RM11 per piece and I kid you not, for that price, it is so worth it! The layers of crispiness and the mix of sweet and salty filling is just to-die-for. 

You must try this as soon as possible.

I had this lamb stew which was recommended by the very helpful waiter. Not too bad although I think they could use a little bit more flavour to add to it. I meant the lamb stew, not the waiter. Hehe

The shop is located in Taman Tun Dr Ismail (TTDI) at Jalan Tun Mohd Fuad 2. Same row with Mcdonald's. 

After that, we had a quick stop at Paradigm Mall to fix my phone. I couldn't send out emails from my phone until it is finally fixed today. Hooray! Had to do it from my laptop every time. After getting it fixed, I had to send my date home a little bit earlier because she had an emergency. 

Going to be on an early flight tomorrow and I have not packed my bags yet. Until I see you on my next post, take care :)

i decided this should be documented..hehe

While waiting for the lift at the office yesterday, an ex-colleague whom I haven't seen in 3 years (despite working in the same building!) said, "Hey Amy. I think you lost a lot of weight la. What happened?"

Coming from this blunt person and from someone who does not give compliments much, is like a WOW to me. 

So I said, " Are you sure it is not because of the tudung?" (I haven't started donning my hijab then)

"No,no, no.. you memang lost a lot of weight. What did you do?"

I grinned. LOL. Give me some credit la guys. 

Anways, the lift came and before stepping in, I said, "Thanks! You made my day!"

That was exactly it. The compliment did make my day after some stressful weeks at work.

Gonna have a retreat to my own little lovely sanctuary tomorrow. 

Have a good week!

be with those beyond our years

A dear sister, Kak M, went to Yemen Ramadhan last year and spent the entire Ramadhan and a few days of Eid there. She went to Tareem, specifically. 

Tareem is a town in Hadhramaut, Yemen, whose important focus is in Islamic learning and has been a place where many Islamic scholars are produced. When she  got back from Yemen and shared her experience there, we were all listening in awe and amazement. According to her, the people of Tareem are one of the nicest, kindest, the most humble people on earth, possibly the only people alive now resembling those who have lived the life of the people during the prophethood of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. They are living the sunnah everyday in their daily lives, activities, in their speech. One of the things I remember from what she shared was that the women in Tareem are treated like a queen, that you don't have to go out to buy groceries and stuff. Your groceries will go to your door and you just have to pick what you want. I would want that (I think, to a certain level). When Kak M got back to Malaysia, she shared a beautiful poem about Tareem. which I will share here maybe in my next post, because Tareem is not what I'm gonna talk about in this post but see how far I have gone on the introduction(!). Lol. 

Anyway, Kak M also shared, that in Tareem, when you go to visit other people's house especially those older than you, you are expected to share some stories with them. Not a gossip session, mind you :) Something like a sharing session about the Quran, or about any knowledge that you have, and then, they will share their knowledge too and there will be some serious discussion on the topic, while giving or getting a massage or something like that. That is what I want to write about. The sharing session. That was what Kak M pointed out to us in usrah that day, that to gain knowledge, be around the circles of those who are way beyond your age, so that you can find benefit in what they talk about. 

Thing is, I'm never one who chats a lot, especially with the elderly because to me, they always seem to portray that they are always right. They're not, really! So when I got the chance to sit and chat with them for the past few weeks (and today, too), it has given me a rather different perspective about life.

 Brother X is my mentor for one of my volunteering activities. He frequents the masjid for congregational prayers, sits in classes for Arabic, hadith, basically Islamic knowledge despite his old age, takes responsibility of his duties seriously. When he has free time in his hands, he will start discussing about the deen or about his travel experience with all of us in the room. A few weeks ago, he shared some of his experience during his Jahiliyah days much to my surprise, because he is quite a private person. There are a few key take-aways that I've noted for my reference from that session, but the one with the biggest impact on myself has got to be seeing Allah's great mercy for him to get from a low place of jahil to where he is now. A better person who contributes so much to the society. He also related about this one incident while doing his umrah (when he was still in his Jahiliyah days), there were a lot of issues  that he has encountered, from his visa, to his delayed flights, to his (miscommunicated) hotel bookings. But the best thing was that when he finally got his hotel room issue sorted out after a long, tiring day, and then walked into the room, the view from his room was of the beautiful clock tower and the magnificent Kaabah! No matter how much we've done wrong in our life, Allah pasti akan bagi some rahmah to us. Nampak atau tak je, sebenarnya. Not that we go to Mekah to just see these man-made beauty of course.. we've got bigger plans! Hehe

Aunty B, was married to an Italian and was living abroad for quite sometime. She got a divorce (alhamdulillah, she said) after some 20 something years and got back to Malaysia because she wanted to become a practicing Muslim. It was very hard, she said, to live a Muslim life abroad when those close to you are not practicing the deen. When she got back, she bought a house nearby a masjid on purpose, so that she can't find any excuse not to pray in the masjid. She is a very humble lady, kind and has a very positive outlook on life. She now takes in a Syrian kid in her home while he studies in KL. 

These people just amaze me. And now I am still finding ways on how I can make an impact to others like how they did. I'm still learning, too. And being patient, really is a great virtue. While driving home today, I was thinking, how much of my life is spent towards the worldly life and how much of it do I spend towards the akhirah? And I must say, I'm ashamed of myself :(  Yesterday, I attended a talk on the life and geniuses of the 2 companions, Umar al-Khatab and Abu Bakar as-Siddiq and I learn that everyday, we are only using 40% of our capacity. I thought to myself, at 40% capacity of my daily life, I feel that I have exceeded doing what I need to do for the day because I was draining out of energy so much.

And that's just using 40%. Imagine if I were to really use 100% of my capacity. I can do so much more at work. But how do I do that without draining energy so much? Time management, the speaker said. Which I am sooo bad at. 

Let's put that in my 2016 resolution. I want to be a better me. I want to love myself more and marvel at the world more. I want to step it up on making that impact and make more plans into actions. God willing!