if love becomes an instinct

This morning I watched a really beautiful video about a grandpa having Alzheimer who went missing, only to be found by 2 police officers, picking up flowers by the roadside. Turned out he was picking up flowers for his wife, whom he occasionally forgets. He has forgotten how they met, who proposed and most of everything that they had shared before. But as the beaming wife, Doris, said, the heart remembers what the brain forgets.  

The video ended with the commentator narrating a line, which struck me as pure genius!

Imagine what's possible when love becomes an instinct. 

Really, imagine that. Imagine what's possible when love becomes an instinct. An instinct! That's something that you'll do naturally, no judgement, no agendas whatever ish you call them nowadays. 

Imagine how many lives can be saved, how many kids get to have proper food, proper homes, for the chance to finally receive education. To have many parts of the world have a good leader who will fight and defend for the rights of their countrymen. To demolish wars and weapons. Oh my, imagine that.

It's something like what parents would have for their children, or a good husband for his wife. An instinct. They want only the best. The best development preparation, the best education, the best shelter, the best protection they can give, the best environment to live in.

Now what's missing in this lovely picture is the extension of such love, towards other human beings who do not have anything even remotely connected to us.

"What does it mean to love people we don't know, to see the value in every single person's life?"
John Legend's speech during the University of Pennsylvania's commencement ceremonies

These days, I would wake up to news of child abuse, child killings, child trafficking, child rape. And the worst thing is, in all of these reportings, there ARE witnesses around, most, too afraid to intervene. Now imagine if love becomes an instinct, you'd not even think twice, you'd not even THINK. You'd just go out and do it. Because it comes naturally to you.

What are we doing to stop all these nonsense? Are we on the path to put a stop to all these? Are we instilling the right values in our children? Or, like most, we choose not to care as long as it doesn't happen to us?

Well, shame on you.

Sometimes it tickles me that some people will go all out to defend their religion. You know, haram this, haram that, halal this and that. But they forget to defend the people whose rights are being abused. Like the orphans, like the elderly, the unfortunate families living on the streets. It is OUR responsibilities, our amanah. Just because we don't know them, that doesn't mean we can wash our hands off of our responsibilities.

The truth doesn't need to be defended, it will stand on its own.
But not these people.

There's a saying on the cover of a book written by an Indonesian writer. It says,
"Rumahlah surga sebelum surga"

Literally it means, home is heaven before heaven itself. Basically, what the writer is trying to say is, everything starts at home. What happens today is a result of the environment at home. Place children in good environment, like stem cells.

Ponder please, yes.

ilmfest 2014 - see you there

Up until a year ago, I had absolutely no interest in going for any kind of religious talks, classes, let alone conferences. Those are just for, you know, old people, or those from sekolah agama, whatnots. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that they are like something you do as an extra activity outside of your daily life. There are millions more other things that I could do aside from attending those kind of events. Besides, there was no one inviting me or exposing me to them. 

I went to my first majlis ilmu or ilm talk in June last year, for Being Me (Muslimah Empowered) 2013 in PICC, Putrajaya. I blogged about it here. It was upon a suggestion by one of my bestfriends, Azlene, may Allah bless her, who had also volunteered for the event as one of the facilitators. I don't know what moved me to go, but thank God I did. It was a sisters-only conference, and I guess that made me feel a little bit confident of going. I remember sitting in the main hall and lecture halls alone because my friend was on duty, and I remember jotting down so many notes, some I couldn't even finish because it was like every single thing that the speakers were talking about was so precious. I stayed on until the very last program and left the event feeling somewhat refreshed and wanting for more. 

From then onwards, I tried grabbing every opportunity attending ilm talks that I could, even those held on weekdays, after office hours. The hikmah of switching teams from a UK team working from 3 pm to 12 am to a normal 9 am to 6 pm office hours team, which I didn't see coming, masyaallah. I wanted so much to learn more. Funny thing is, the more I learn, the more I realize that I have been missing out quite a lot :') 

They say, when you have good intentions, Allah will ease your paths for you. I find this very true because all of the times that I wanted to go for these talks, He has made the journeys so easy and pleasant for me, alhamdulillah. You know how the traffic is like after 6 pm especially in Petaling Jaya. I'd leave office at 6+ and the talks sometimes start at 7.30 on the other side of the town, and of course, I'd foresee getting stuck in traffic and missing the talks. But amazingly, He made it easy and there was no traffic congestion on the days that I had ilm talks to attend. How great is He! One time, the ticket to one of the conferences was sold out, but I managed to get one on the day itself, from one of the sisters whose friend wasn't able to attend. Subhanallah, He is so loving, I tell you. Sometimes I think that I do not deserve all that He has given me, but He keeps on giving me chances after chances. I wish I can see Him in the Hereafter, which is the greatest blessings for anyone who enters the best of heaven. 

I don't have a lot of followers on my blog (and I want to keep it that way, for now) but I'd like to invite you to attend one multi-scholar ilm conference this coming Saturday and Sunday, 17th - 18th May in PICC, Putrajaya. It's called 'Ilmfest 2014' and this will be its debut conference in Malaysia organised by alMaghrib Institute and iMuslim Academy, with a few other sponsors. This year's theme is about our Prophet Muhammad's journey, as a mercy to mankind. Now I'm sure you've heard of the Prophet, but do you know how he lived his life? His companions? His wives? His years of happiness and sadness? Why was he chosen as the last Prophet? The tickets are currently priced at RM250 each and RM300 for walk-ins. However, if you're a non-Muslim or a newly-reverted Muslim of less than 6 months, the tickets are FREE for you, thanks to our kind sponsors. 

If I were asked a year ago to share my opinion on the Prophet, I'd just say that he is just another leader in the Islamic history. Just another leader, pffft. That was how shallow I was. To love a person, you gotta know him. This is your chance. Please come to this conference and enlighten yourselves on why he is the mercy the mankind. Kind of big, isn't it? To the entire mankind. 

Do come. Please come. 

For more information, feel free to access www.ilmfest.my

See you there :)

hello, baby girl!

Remember my niece born a new year baby this year? 

She's now a healthy bouncing baby of 4 months old, alhamdulillah.

These photos of her makes me sooooo geram. 

Eeeeeeee..! 

This is her at around 3+ month. Her first time using baby car seat. 

Muka clueless ni. Doesn't know what has she got herself into.

Hello, baby girl!

Baby girl screaming 'Nek Mokkkk!' to one of my aunts :) 

Yeah, her uncle is pretty creative, I must say.

Love you, baby girl <3 nbsp="">

Oh yeah, another cousin of mine has delivered a baby girl today (1st May), alhamdulillah!

So I've got 2 nieces born on the 1st, now. 

Having a baby girl as your firstborn is like getting a new bestfriend kan, ladies?

I hope my firstborn will be a baby girl also :P This special bond between mothers and daughters are masyallah, so beautiful. 

Having said that, of course, I'll accept whatever rezeki that He plans to bestow us upon :) 

InsyaAllah.

still the same me :)

If I could, I would jot down the journey I've taken since May last year, the people I meet, the things I read and found delight in, the lessons, the magical moment, the feeling, the serenity, the stir. Gosh, everything feels so magical and I wish they would stay with me, forever. I love writing these stuffs, but sometimes I can't really translate them into words, so at last, the ideas ended up just in my head, or in most cases, saved as drafts, until I don't know when :P So anything that I write, actually is from my personal experience and opinion, and doesn't necessary represent a label, a group etc. 

So, today, one of my girlfriends, again, imposed a few questions regarding my change.

"Why have you suddenly become so 'kuai', macam orang baik-baik, ni?"

"Are you liking what you are now?" Okay, whatever that means :P

"Are you happy?"

Yes, I am happy :) It doesn't show eh? haha.. 

She continued. 

"So you've changed because of that one incident. Those are not mistakes, those are lessons. I mean, if that fulfills you and you think that is what you are searching for, then it's okay."

I thought for a while and replied.

"Actually, I wasn't searching for it (faith). I just found it (without searching)."

Well, I hope that made sense. 

Yeah, I just found it without really searching for it. I was actually just looking for the answers to these 2 questions. Number 1, why did that happen to me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Number 2, what does getting married for the sake of Allah really mean? Which then led to the question of, if 2 people want to get married, it is between them both, where is Allah in this equation?

Boy, that question sounded pretty stupid now.

I'll probably write about those 2 questions in another entry because now I just want to highlight this conversation with my girlfriend that I had today in the office's pantry.

"You're just less adventurous nowadays. Look at Miss X. Girl, you used to be 'more fun'."

"I have changed, I know. In our life, at some point, we will come to that. We would just think that, yes, this is what I am searching for. But I have not abandoned you or our friendship, have I? I still go out with you guys. I'm still the same person. Still the same Amy. It's just that, like you said, nowadays, I go to these talks, classes but that doesn't change who I am with you guys." 

 You know, if I were to rewind my life, I never would have thought I'd have this conversation with my girlfriends. ANY one of them. 

Which is why when I meet these new people, or sometimes not so new people but they happen to be there with the same intention as you are, and to share that feeling. THAT feeling. Man, it is just out of this world. 

Allah loves us so much that for every hardship that you have to endure, He is actually saving you from something bad in the future that only He can see. And He is so great at forgiving, so forgiving, even when you think that you do not deserve His forgiveness. That's how much He loves us. 

Let's strive for His pleasure in the things we do. Big ones, like careers and marriage. 

Or small ones, like giving charity and treating people the right way. 

protect what i love

Have you noticed that as we grow old, there will only be this bunch of friends who really, really know who you are, even when you don't know that part of you, yourself?

Sigh.

You know, I have been isolating myself from most people for these past few months because I realize that some things are just not worth hanging onto. Some create drama, and while I used to enjoy or even join in the drama, at this age I'm at, I don't need them anymore. There's no room in my mind to accommodate all these useless things which will drain me of my energy, for sure. 

Try doing something your friends don't expect you to do. Go against something they don't expect you to do and see their reaction. Some people, when they don't get what they want from you, they can be mean. A side of them you have not seen. Even if they are your very own close friends you've known for years. 

A few months ago, I was in a stressful situation, work-wise and family-wise. All I wanted at that time was understanding friends. That's it. This bunch of girlfriends keep asking me out for a catch-up session. At that time I was super busy from one weekend to another and I kept on rejecting their 'dates' and they went berserk about it. Biasalah, ladies and drama (me included la). So, in the midst of all this chaos, another group of friends also tried to set a date with me, which I politely declined as well, knowing my December schedule. But they were persistent and what they did next touched my heart deeply. This bunch of guy friends who work in the heart of KL and stay in faraway places like Ampang and Klang, went all the way from KL to see me in Cyberjaya, on their public holiday (it was Christmas Day, I was still working), so that they can have dinner with me. So sweet! Super duper sweet. I mean, can't my girlfriends do that too? Can't they be as understanding as the guys? I mean, the girls, they are practically working in Cyberjaya as well! And I didn't even think of that brilliant idea pun. Ah, can I just have guyfriends instead of girlfriends now? Haha, just kidding. I love my girlfriends just the same.  

When 2014 came, I was still swarmed up at work and activities. The same set of girlfriends ask me out for their birthday celebration next month. April, May and June are my busiest month so I just told them the weeks that I will be free. To the dismay of some of them who replied that the date set was already in agreement with most of  them, so I said ok, I'll follow majority (i think this surprised them). By this time, I was so annoyed that they bothered to even ask which dates I am free, but I kept reminding myself to be calm and patient. which was SO TOUGH! No wonder sabar is half of your iman :S

Is it them? Or is it just me? Am I being sensitive? Like I said, at this age, I don't need this. I don't need drama, I don't need friends who say beautiful things about yourself to you just to back-bite you in the end, I don't need talks about the latest cosmetic they have in Sephora or how much discount I can get, I don't need to discuss about someone's backside in the office nor do I want to talk about why is Miss A getting married with someone younger than her. I don't need those things anymore. Those will only make me love the world more when all I want now, is to leave all those behind. I don't want to feel jealousy, envy, competitive, excitement over worldly matters, arrogance, hatred. I just want to clean myself from all those mess I've built over the years and getting rid of them probably require having to leave some of your girlfriends behind, but that's okay.

The things that I love now is going for talks and classes to gain beneficial knowledge which I can share and educate my brothers and sisters with. The things that don't only benefit us now, but also when we have passed. I love having discussions with some girlfriends who go to these classes as well and we share the things that we learnt or debate about them, which will elevate our knowledge insyaAllah. These things, they give you a calmness in your hearts which you won't get it elsewhere. It's a delight having some of your lifelong questions answered by just asking and seeking. 

My point is, I have no room in my heart or mind for petty things. That doesn't mean I don't have fun anymore, I do, but just differently I guess. Someone once said, if you love a person, you gotta protect what he/she loves. That include her faith, her hobbies, her passion.

I can't agree more. 

turning another number

I just cannot leave March without writing an entry, so here it is, a random one :)

March is a special month for me because ahem, it's the month that I was born in some decades ago, bahaha.

Spent a few days in Kuching with my loved ones.
My, my. I love them to bits.

Thank you for this, ya Allah :')

Here I quote an insight from a mother on motherhood during one of the ilm talks I attended last year. 

"In that huge heartache, there are still the joys in life, and they are the little things. And this made motherhood so much worth it."

The little joys in my life are made out of special people who are always watching over me, whether I realize it or not, and knowing that regardless whether I am wrong or right, they will be right there saying "It's okay."

Oh, Papa wasn't having a bad day. It's his signature photo pose :P