My first post for 2018, well done Amy! :P
Okay, I vow to write more blog posts in 2018 Insyaallah. I write more in Instagram though because it is faster that way but this time, what I am about to write is kind of a bit on a personal level, so here we go.
These past few months have been mentally-changing for me. It has been a period where I have been tested on my faith so much so that I needed to do a lot of thinking and self-reflection. Man, I overthink a LOT and honestly, I think I am having anxiety (!). But I really need to thank the Almighty for giving me this ample time to sort things out, to be with my family for the longest time since I left the house to further my studies, and at the same time, still keep myself sane at the end of the day despite being broken inside. Perhaps this is a reminder from Him that I have strayed away too far from Him and a calling to fix my relationship with Him.
I have not read my Quran consistently in months and I can't remember when I last did my sunat prayers. To go through the struggle was a blessings in disguise.
A couple of days ago, I couldn't do my prayers because I was on my menses so I was a little disheartened because it feels like I couldn't connect to Him to tell Him of my sorrows. See how I underestimated His mercy? It was raining in the evening that day and I remember that one of the best time to make doa, that is more likely to be accepted by Allah, is when it is raining. I leaned back against my bed and prayed that Allah give me guidance on my doubts.
The next morning, I was checking my mail and I received the weekly love letter from Aida Azlin. This week's subject is 'To The Girl Who Hates Me.'
You can subscribe to the love letters too, here. A part of the letter goes like this :
Like what Aida said, sometimes we tend to take the easier route. For me, it was easier to believe something which was not true and then build all sorts of negative thoughts in my mind, rather than have a good excuse for it and take a positive point of view of the situation. After reading the mail, I instantly remembered what Ustazah Liyana from Singapore said in one of her talks, "Promise yourself that you'll try your best and you'll work hard. Promise yourself that no matter how hard it is, you will always do the right thing."
Masyallah, Jannah isn't easy.
Mister have been reminding me again and again that we have to be strong if we want syurga and that it is not easy in the Hereafter. Why do you have to be so far away sayang :'(
This morning I saw this in Ustazah Liyana's Instagram.
Perfect advice kan? To tell you the truth, I just learned this concept when I was dealing with the whole ordeal. That happiness, really is our choice. When we are inflicted with hardship, our automatic reaction will be anger, frustration and blame game, right? All this negative energy is not helping us with anything really. In fact, it makes the situation worse. But we can make the situation better by doing something positive out of it. If it is something that we can change, well, change it. If it is something that we can't change, perhaps we can change something in ourselves that makes the situation a little less painful. We can choose happiness, if we want to, and to always pray for Allah to guide us and always have good thoughts about Him.
This is also something that caught by eye this morning, by a psychology lecturer.
That practically sums up the answer that I was waiting for.
About dead hearts and how easily people give up on them. You see, I'm one who doesn't give up on people easily. I always make it a point that however bad someone is, there is surely a streak of goodness left in them. And that kindness NEVER goes out of style. How can I forget these things? Alhamdulillah for these reminders I so, soooo needed.
I'll try my best not to take the easy way out.
I'll try to always do the right thing, no matter how hard.
I'll try to be the best version of me and give my best effort
And put the rest in Allah's hands
Let me learn my lesson this time.