Falling

by Momei Qu

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day,
But try to hide it in every possible way.
He's only a friend, and nothing else,
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying he's just a bud,
But deep inside, you're falling in love.
You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,
But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare,
But you pretend that you don't care.
It's "not right" for you two to be.
Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend?
Keep lying that he's just a friend?
Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
So being his girl is an impossible wish.

Raya holidays? So yesterday (!), Mari gembirakan hati tengok live band dan makan2 :P

Let's move on to a more cheery note, shall we? :D


Thursday 9th Sept 2010
Just a day before Raya. Training in the morning. Nasib baik jadi trainee jer. BUT, need to work in the office after lunch. Still very much numb inside. 


Went back and slept because damn tired, plus didn't want to think about Raya. 


8pm - Boss called, ajak dinner. Didn't want 'cos no mood. BUT she baited me with a movie (am a sucker for movies ok). So went out at 8-ish for dinner and later movie at Alamanda. We watched 'Step Up 3'. Highly recommended, you non-movie-buffs. Night went well, slept good too (nonetheless still with a little pain in the heart ya'll).



Friday 10th Sept 2010
First day of Hari Raya and I was working. Lucky thing the roads were clear (well they better be). I wore a dress to work. A rebel, you see :P Loads of work, but I went off at 7pm (which is kind of 'early'. No, seriously). Boss ajak watch movie (again I'm hooked) and go karaoke. So, off to IOI Puchong and watched 'Resident Evil : Afterlife', which to me sucked BIG TIME! Come on, Resident Evil is like one of the movies that has a great storyline and all the sequels are great, EXCEPT, for this one! This new sequel shows more CGI effects (like I care much juga) and more surprise elements. It literally killed the whole storyline. Ohh well! After movie, we headed to Neway and sang our hearts out until 4am. So there!

Saturday 11th Sept 2010
Practically slept the whole day until after lunch where I spent the rest of the day watching the telly.


10pm - Lene called ajak tengok movie (sigh, i can't live without movies, awesomeness). We watched 'Cats and Dogs', hilarious :P Next on our to-do-list-on-a-Saturday-night is of course, makan! And the hunt began in Bangsar (we wanted the famous nasi lemak) but the stalls were closed. The only packed (and open) makan place is Devi's mamak. So, with a bunch of McD takeaways, we continued our hunt (yeap babes, still food-huntin' even with McD in our very hands) in KL. Singgah sebentar di Chow Kit 'cos we saw a few stalls selling Raya goodies. Lene got herself a box of serunding daging. Nyum. I was't really into Raya, so tengok2 je la.And then (!), jeng jeng jengggg, we found a mamak in Bukit Bintang area (Estana Curry House) with not so many people BUT great food! Yay! I had nasi lemak + ayam rendang (or so) while Lene had nasi campur. Memang sedap. We went back at 4am (so I was actually wondering whether it was supper that we had or breakfast?). Hit the sack at 6am! Weeeeee..

Sunday 12th Sept 2010
Rest day (not..haha). Went to Sunway Pyramid by myself for some errands. Sometimes shopping alone is therapeutic. Seriously.

Monday 13th Sept 2010
Workday. Training in the morning. This time, I'm the trainer. Booo. 


Tuesday 14th Sept 2010
My babe, Lene's birthday! Dengan baju yang ala-ala untuk dinner jazz gitu, we went for birthday dinner at Delicious, Bangsar. Food was lovely. I had Mama's Bolognese Spaghettini and Lemon Meringue Pie for dessert. Lene had Lasagne and Blueberry Crumble Pie. Memang tabik spring and memang worth and memang sangat puas hati.

We wanted to have a chill-out session listening to jazz in Alexis but unfortunately, they don't have any band playing that night. That definitely didn't take down our mood (of cos not!) and we straight went to the next best happening place, Sunway! Watched the live band playing. 2 thumbs up for the band, especially their lead vocals with whom we had a chat with as well, Dina. The crowd was small but still, sporting! Lene had a birthday song dedicated to her by the band. Woot! Thanks to the lovely Chindian waitress we made friends with at the bar (her name's also Lyn ;) )


IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE FUN NIGHT! 


By then it was a little over 12am, and because I had to work (not to mention train) the next day, I need hit the sack early (otherwise we would have gone to Skybar as well, had the seats booked, mind you). Some other time, perhaps.


The night out really shifted my mood and I'm loving it :) Sebenarnya, now pun tengah no mood to have anything connected to Raya (even turned down a bestfriend's invitation to go menziarah) but I can't help it. Ok, gotta get this happiness radar up and up so that I can focus on work. Weee..

XOXO!

Emotional

For about a month now I've been trying to keep my heart numb. To have no feelings at all. Physically there, mind only on the subject matter in front of my eyes, or the subject matter for the week, for example, the projects. Still, this does not include the freaking workload that always seem to be building up, no matter how hard you work to get them finish on time (or before time for that matter), no matter how many projects/process improvements you have just to make you do your work faster or more efficient. SIGH MAN SIGH! Sometimes I wonder have I made the wrong decision after all? I mean, people actually tried to pull me out of the sinking sand but I keep on saying to myself that it WILL eventually stop sinking. At times, I think I've lost my mind. Aaahh.. 

To top it all up, NO Raya leaves this year.I did apply, and got a measly 3 days! No extension because apparently those who does NOT celebrate Raya decides to take this amazing opportunity to take their own vacation/time offs doing personal things. WTH? I am definitely gonna do something about this next year, oh yes I will.


My exact feelings are simplified into the below 2 descriptions :
1) A little hamster running in a wheel in its cage. Running round and round, never getting to its destination.
2) A piece of wet cloth being squeezed until dry... andddd still being squeezed again and againnnnnn...

So, it's now 2 days to Raya and of course, there will be bombards of questions like, "Bila balik Raya?" or "Tak balik Raya ke?" and "Kenapa tak balik?" (tapi memang dah ada questions tu semua). I dread those questions, really. It is so sad. I know they mean well but you know, it's sad laaaa.. 


Last night while I was all ready to snore, I was suddenly hit with a pang of just missing my family so much. So I .. cried teresak-esak.. Waaa.. long time didnt cry like that leh.. I had sore eyes the next day. But I think part of what I've been hiding under the numb exterior for the past weeks has been released a bit.

Today my Mak, Papa and my youngest brother headed their way back to kampung in Sibu. It has been years since I went back too and I really wanted to meet my relatives, anak-anak buah, cousins, pakciks, makciks, nenek, datuk.. I miss them so much.. Hmm, earlier I was listening to Aman Shah's 'Kepulangan Yang Dinanti' and again, aku cuba mengeraskan hati from menangis dan meronta-ronta.. Haha.. (ketawa kesedihan sebenarnya). 

Tomorrow there will be less people at work, which means double/triple workloads.  I just want to finish work and get home as fast as possible. I wanna be numb until Raya is over. I don't want to think about Raya and the feelings that go with it.


Now I'm thinking of settling down in Kuching, for good. To have eternal fulfillment and content alongside my family. I believe that is best solution. I hope Allah will show and guide me the path. Amen.

Anyways,

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf zahir and batin. 

Much love.